• Emotions needing to be purified

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    A.Emotions needing to be purified

     

    It was in those days of the Vietnam war, where the seemingly strongest army in the world destroyed the daily life of the Vietnamese people. End of the fifties of the 20th century that process already started, you know the age when the Belgians build their Atomium in Brussels, that was to become the capital of Europe. Observer followed basic school. The ruins of the war were cleaned up and mainly there was a strange silence about that war. The traditional religious education and what happened in the times of the old Roman empire were more important in school then what had happened a decade ago. Observer found some of those ancient stories quite good for a part, but there were things missing in them or not correct. He wanted to give the old culture some credit, but he liked most searching for his own truth, while with his eyes a bit closed he watched the sun penetrating the window of the classrooms he spend the first part of his life partly in…he loved that bundle of rays penetrating his subjective world that looked for connections with the objective realities around him. The message that religion seemed to have, was that a human being had to be almost perfect, like if that mister God did not tolerate imperfection…wasn’t it the other way round sometimes ? He Himself, ‘God’, did not tolerate imperfection. One could not point a finger at his shortcomings : eternally good, eternally charitable, eternal this and that.

    How could this be ? Everything came to an end, every school day, every live. Nobody understand the meaning of it all. One could not go to deep into this, one had to obtain points to pass each year to the next study year. There were the friends in the village and school, family…just making one’s way into life, the ‘practical’ life was one part of existence. The connection between life and dead; wasn’t that something for priests ? The score of ‘who owns what, was kept by the office of notary. The state of being ill or not was the task of doctors and pharmacists.

    Who that was entitled on having a job or income, was a cause for politicians and companies; or with a bit of luck one had his own little independent occupation. But in what condition one’s soul life was, not calculating the former things in this condition, independent from material things (if that was by any means possible), was one’s own concern, measurable by the fact of feeling happy now and then and doing what one was doing and doing it with the people one liked. Not a lot of people were able to look in to their own soul or even less in the souls of others. One could share one’s soul life with someone, but it sometimes led to complications one had to understand again and again…because of the fact that the past of everyone, even before one was born, seemed to be continuously looking for a way to purify itself. The past was working it’ s way through the present regardless of the distance one was able take towards that past . So it seemed that over the border of dead things in the past and present were influenced by both ‘stories’.

    As a little boy, Observer stood with his grandmother near the bed where Huske’s wife was dying, an old bent little farmer with almost a dozen children. Observer’s mother went to give the cows of her father in law to drink on the farmyard of Huske and Marieke it was, if Observer remembered her name correctly. The wife of Huske, yes indeed it was Marieke, was a soft one. As pipe smoking Huske often walked with his hands behind his back on the street, he used to tell Huske something funny sometimes. Much reason to laugh he hadn’t if one knew what troubles he had with his children and those ones with theirs. Observer didn’t knew at the time that it is not because someone seems happy and tells funny stories, that he is very happy and wise and has had a life where nothing was to blame him or her.

    Without knowing it, there at that bed of the dying Marieke, (or, wait a minute, was it Huske ?) he stood at the beginning of a long journey through human psyche. The sister of Huske would be, or in fact already was (can be important energetically spoken) the grandmother of the later wife of Observer. The first child from Bertha, so Observer heard, the sister of Huske, was not from her later husband with whom she would have another 3 children…this could explain the later unrest in relations between that first son of Bertha and the other children. Dough being pregnant from another man, Livine married Bertha any way…so Bertha married into the same family name as Observer had. Al dough Livine was not closely genetic related to the boy who was going to have 3 children with the daughter of his second son.

    The first ‘love’ Observer would have, was 18 and then 3 year older than him and under the tones of one of those to melancholic and emotional tango-songs, he would feel his Willy’s urge on reacting on their movements. The young woman was a the daughter of the first son of Bertha (Huske’s sister remember, Huske the man with a dozen children in a house to small). Observer thought about that day when his grandmother Clothilde and his mother and he as a little boy stood around the bed of the then dying person when they came to get water for the cattle…can the software of energies who died, still have an influence on events over generations ? Or was it their ‘God’ where practically almost alone the priest talked about, that was busy trying to write a scenario to give the past away rest and some of the living one’s happiness and conflicts as well to purify the past ? Or wasn’t every move one and didn’t the living in the present ones just played the roles whom they simply had to play because of their character and inner being; the roles which they played accordingly to their own nature and that of the ones who proceeded them maybe for a large part were their own fate.

    Can one take over energy from someone who is dying and can that energy become part of yours ? He did not knew it yet, but on all his conscious and unconscious questions he would get an answer one day. Why did Observer’s mother stood by that bed of that little old bony old lady…because the fact that his mother also had a nephew and niece with a hump like Huske ? A child of Huske’s son had a water on the brain head like the sister of a women Observer would meet later on, after his divorce. Why would his mother also would end with legs she could not bent or spread anymore because off the hard working in her life ? Maybe the latter was too far away from making useful comparisons or connections, but there were remarkable observations to be made in life. Did one carry partly the same fate as certain with the partly the same features and if one was too compassionate one would get too involved with these developments…adding them to a part of the fate of others in one’s environment ? The Church preached to have compassion…but taking all the burdens from the ones who suffer in any way, without giving them the change to accept the truth of their lives and growing more on their own strength…was that kind of philosophy preferable to keeping a distance from genetic obstructions and looking for stronger partners in life ?

    In the bus on a voyage with the youth movement followed the giving hands and feeling with Gaby, (ga-go-pass-by) the niece of Huske. In fact Observer found her legs a bit too large. They forgot each other’s first experiments and the sympathetic women not long afterwards, married an even cheerful man as Huske. In Huske’s genetic baggage or in that of his women or their ancestors, there is a gene present that gives children a water head or a leg tat is a bit to small or great or a hump. Huske’s grandchild had a water head and a niece of his a leg that was shorter as the other. It was not clear to Observer, from what he was been told, if the boy with the water head was intelligent…so why was he put in an institution, because off his appearance ? The man with the large head did not have a long life. Another family member of Huske was called heshe, because it was not sure which sexuality heshe had, strong as a man, but officially a women.

    Huske’s sister Bertha married when she was pregnant of who know who ? It was, like mentioned before, someone with the same family name as Observer, but not closely related, the later grandfather of Observers wife on the family side of her father. That altruistic man took the change of sharing partly the genetic risks involved in marrying Bertha and taking care of her first son that wasn’t his. The grandfather of Observer, on his father’ s side, played a mediating role in this marriage. In the village where they lived he was known to conciliate people with relation problems, or not seldom was he called in to help resolve quarrels between people or lay the dead off. “You are going to have a good wife, never mind if she is a bit in panic because off the fact that she is pregnant already”, he said both to the real or unreal fathers. That was where that bible was partly about, wasn’t it ? The holy Mary was pregnant of the holy Ghost (no child comes in too this world without a reason)…and Joseph accepted responsibility.

    So, after a few platonic loves, Observer , still a virgin at 16, went to engage himself with the after niece of Huske. She did not have her ‘flower’ any more, he felt while penetrating while sitting on him in that chair in her room and watching her intensively on his first ‘visit’ in her not so sacred place.

    He did not meet the resistance that was mentioned in biological books while she let herself downwards. She couldn’t have met a better boy to understand the situation, he did not care so much about it when she said to him that she had not done it with another boy…some women lose their hymen (hey men-joke) riding on a horse for example, he had read somewhere and told so…much to the satisfaction off his girlfriend. Observer did not yet know what jealousy was and his girl, Traum, had a Trauma, which she was trying to hide, because the next time they met she told him a story about some blood stains she found in her underwear. He had smiled with her explanation…and he should not have…because it would hunt her , not him the rest of her life.



    She searched and found a way to tell him what her father Selfish had done with her…without telling the complete story around it. It seemed unimaginable to him that a father could do such a thing, that such a thing could exist…so he pushed it away as one does with stories one does not like. Only a years later he would realize what an enormous and gigantic task life had given to him. What a pain full situation it must have been for her, being involved in a physical love triangle with one’s parents. Listening at night how he did ‘it’ with her mother as well in the room with one wall in between. Trying to attract attention in an abnormal way and learning how to lie, one can learn quick in life. Observer did not understand in those days why people told lies to each other. How was she to escape from the feeling of being ‘less’ than other children ? By behaving a bit like boys between girls ? People, children can push away to their unconsciousness some things in life, with the risk that that what not came in too an open discussion with the originators of malicious deeds, can become too heavy to carry in life. Difficult side consequences started to build up because the victim, Traum(a) in a certain way, could not make a difference between her father and an innocent man, Observer in her case…he was a man as well and man do terrible things. Unsolved emotions destroy a lot in lives…whether a girl keeps on cultivating a guilty feeling towards her mother and allows her to dominate her or whether other examples of adults or children who are dominated by sex without mutual agreement. Our culture does not realize enough that a great deal of suffering and even disease, is the consequence of generation stories seeking to be purified by stronger blood, steadfast attitudes…in order to overcome weakening frustrations.

    Observer was a good lad, with an important degree of softness inside, bold as he could be in other situations. He was often trying to live himself in in to how other people were. This capacity of his was so enormous, that he, as a boy, let a ten year older man do things with him, he himself as being so young, was not attracted to. This maybe was the reason why he and Trauma understood each other and could talk about this for a while, before they pushed this issue away from them as ‘resolved’. Trauma would convey her secret after Observer told his. They both seemed to have put those stories about the genetic and educational sad things behind them, but in fact they kept on infiltrating. The shadow of the past was so big, also because of the story of Trauma’s mother her parents and their past. The father of her mother had married her after she got pregnant after a rape…so also in this case that father (which was a cousin of her mother) had started off in the same way in a marriage as Trauma’s grandfather on her father’s side had). The funny, but not so funny thing is that that grandfather (Livine) his son would end up marrying a wife whose father was in the same case, as explained. Why things happen according to those strange rules ? Why did Observers mother in law and all the brother and sisters the cousin and his niece had in that (also) to little house…did not show more respect for the decision of their father to help his niece…maybe to show that man that one does not have to have too much compassion as to where those wrongly called ‘love’-things are concerned. Idealism and romance and poetry…and so on …values Observer tried to hold high…live did not always seem to use or follow these paths alone.
    To be continued in every day life.

     

    B. Love and the spiritual world

     

    The spiritual world, one cannot understand by dogma’s alone
    We have a lot of love inside us. When love often has been undergoing some painful tests and we still try to understand the reasons why people sometimes don’t get the real meaning of certain situations in a relationship and we keep on continuing trying to raise their understanding about the way life works…then there really is a spiritual connection between people, a thousand links to our daily lives and those of the ones before us.
    What is that love and were does it come from ? Should one continue the relationship (s) or not ? Sometimes one has no choice, because the other side wants to stop the relationship partly or complete. Even if one does not continue to meet each other, relationships of all kind continue; most of the time it isn’t even clearly noticed by the different degrees of consciousness. You probably know about the moments when you can reach a high level of communication or contact with someone. One even does not have to fall in love with them in each way. It’s a strange thing that one can lose one’ s love for someone and if one is lucky friendship and respect remain to chase away the nasty thoughts and images the darker side of the beloved provoked. The darker side is all about the unsolved heritages of the past and the ones one added to them in responding from the same or other situations. When one touches the real nerve of the condition of someone, that someone begins to defend some cultural or personal dogma’s that not always correspond with the truth about someone’s roots. (Listen to both words, ‘truth’ and ‘root’…they have a lot in common.) Each time, in each area other words are used to enlighten bits of what life is about. One only can talk about the practical things of life and add some humor while maintaining the relationships that need no digging in too one’s soul. But when the discovery of one’s soul happens spontaneously, another approach becomes necessary. The sentence ‘ one has got to know one ‘s self’, is often used and clearly this passes through others; this can become a very intensive process with a lot of avoidable and not avoidable consequences…for better and for worse. One can chose for a celibate life, like for example priest do, or one can chose to find out what the soul of a woman or a man really contributes in discovering what life and your life is all about. Each kind of relationship, whether as a colleague, a child, parents, grandparents, friends, lovers…invites us to really understand the different meanings of life. In the case of lovers, what are they really searching for next to the pleasant things body-contact can offer and not feeling alone ? When spiritually connected people can overcome their negative emotions their fingers become like camera’s reading each other cells…surely an almost ideal situation…making love with a lot of concentration and understanding how to really activate each other’ s body…and soul in a spiritual way…but it isn’t a guarantee that things work out all right, because of the karma who preceded that kind of relationship isn’t understood or one does not dare to understand. This can cause a lot of troubles…and indeed if there are other family members involved on both sides and if one tries to please everyone without understanding in which situation they find themselves in. It isn’t easy trying to tell other people what to do…especially if they aren’t ready for it, or if they are too stubborn. Also, when the relationship with ancestors and others isn’t understood it can become difficult to unwind the wires.
    Like in the telecom connections in the boxes on our streets there are certain connections between people and they get disturbed when things in our live occur that shouldn’t have happened to avoid complications, but in a lot of cases things couldn’t haven’t gone in another way. We experience things and we forget things, but when we reach the deep truth about a lot, we can tend to push it away, with a feeling of missing something as a consequence or we can try not forgetting the lessons and their feeling anymore and carrying it as a power in our consciousness…thus telepathically influencing things positively, all dough that SEEMS not to be the case sometimes. We cannot play ‘God’, but we can near the divine energy that make things happen mostly in an unconscious way. People who are aware of this should not try to escape by means of believing superstition or using unnecessary pills that burry a part of their body and soul and prevent a contact with their spiritual inner communication or dialogues which they could have had if they had overcome themselves and others. Often they cut ties with the one who really cared lots and lots about them, because the confrontation with their roots was to heavy emotionally loaded for them. Then they have the choice to enjoy life in a way they can handle, but in many case they make it worse. Sometimes the more distance one keeps after finishing a relationship or turning it in to friendship (if still possible), the better it will go with oneself or the other…if this means that one of the two for example will not take some medicine any more, the longing for the one he or she had to miss can come back and if that person is lucky she or he will not have to repeat the same road with more suffering then joy. Suffering surely will come when one discovers one has lost someone with the same roots. True roots, roots of truth. (almost poetry those related sounds in these words).

     

    What was the next stage in the platonic friendship Doubt and Observer once again had ? One of them or both of them having someone else to have a bio relationship with as well ? How would they begin the last stage of their lives ? Go on like that in the knowledge they had not completely fullended what they had started, because the consequences the reasons for coming together or going out of each other, or starting again, their ancestors had, were to big to overcome ? When would she finally understand. Or did Doubt want just a friendship because she felt guilty about not accepting the traditional role of a wife towards her husband ? Then she would agree with her ex husband vision that something was out of controle with her emotional system, due to... . Observer would not start all over again thinking about it all. In a probably last large email he pointed out that he had need of skin contact as well and had worries of his own close ones enough to try to understand and deal with. It was this or leaving every one on their own destiny and following his own without looking back to much. Still there was a lot of fun an spiritual insights that were understood while they met each other from time to time to catch op with events.

     

    D. Harm and Martina  

     


    New shoots, the same trees

     

    The father-in-law of later, due to his youth experiences and what he represented in his enherited characteristics, ended up with a lot of frustrations. One can pass on one’s complications in life it seems. The mother in law’s hereditary characteristics weren’t ideal as well and she, in charge of a nervous system that could hold only stay calm by sheer hard work. Her mother, 15, raped  got a disabled cousin assigned as legally-made companion in this ' emergency '.  Her half sister 55, died early.  Who was the father of the half sister ? Whence came her both partly moderate aversion, partly excitement for a male body ? The later mum in law with some sisters and a strong  but diabetic brother, that with hard work, trombone blowing, photography in his way was searching for love. Everyone in that family kept going in a different way in their youthful life in a cottage of six on six. The children in that House until much later age ... could as well show solidarity as envy towards one another. The mere difference in their subsequent possessions, would harm their mutual understanding many times. One could see it in their mutual, ever-changing coalitions. It seemed like a complete loss of time, but it was their evolution.All daughters from the mini cabin went to the city to earn their living in species with more cubic space at their disposal. The submission in all its forms made the sisters the best work forces that one as a bit arrivé could afford. "Yes madame, no Mr directly". Even if the madams were not there, they still talked about their madame, in awe looking up at a lifestyle that wasn’t theirs. Working was also a means of getting peace of mind, one could say. Futher mumin law and dad in law Modern tried to gain a living. This was, after all, a time with totally new possibilities ... that were in stark contrast to their backgrounds.  There was the condom, called English Coat ... which would prevent children to come. .. even though either no descendant had ambitions. How Martina later became so sure she actually had been not fully planned and desired; Harm tried to make her change her mind on this.  Martina talked about her difficult birth, in terms of  ' more on a miscarage ', Martina often feld unwanted by her parents, so it seemed to Harm who taught she invented the story because of the things her father did too her. In practice, talking about such ' disturbing factors ' actually was not as doable and done between parents and children. 

     

    Futher dad in law overorganised a lot in the new family of three. To the outside world he was oversympathic, speaking his mind, but often in a to bold or even somethimes vulgar matter. The family he came from also wasn’t ideal. His fathers wife already expected a baby when he married him, but it wasn’t his (notice the resemblance with the position of the futher mother in law her father). The children of the futher dad in law couldn’t make a living on the small farm of their father and pursuid a more modern north American lifestyle as was promoted after the second world war. So they moved too cities, learned to talk French and maintained their dialect for talking unther each other, the more officialy spoken Dutch would be a task for the next generation.  Martina landed in a situation where children ‘s future was to take place in conditions which had been prepaired by the dominoeffect from years.  How to behave as gentle men and women was morgaged from the start.

     

    Boys and girls were not yet cynical and sarcastic about love, they cherished the though. The beat culture stood in front of the door; the ' free love ' thought was to make its appearance in anticipation of the necessary confrontations with numerous backgrounds with roots in everyone's specific reality and instance  and the ancestral stories once more needed nice follow up. Could Harm and Martina in those first wonderful opening of their psychological and other discoveries tours have known all this ? Good feelings for each other, reducing them, was when not conceivable in a romantic sentiment, protected from the dangers of too much free market ' economy ' in love. They could not yet know, or they wanted to still know nothing of the possible healthy or unhealthy influences that could come out of a relationship with a third. They had even less insight into the parallel, strongly branched, connected process of a number of evolutions between people which they not even knew and whose lives would cross each other. If one would know everything in advance it would leave them yet but only with jealous tensions and a premature breakage or emotional heaviness. If one would know everything in advance, after all, everything would look very different with life. Life is more about what is to happen.  Harm for sure, wasn't even jealous at that stage of their relationship, there seemed so obvious him wedding in all areas. An other part of him did not understand all those couples living together and all those girls being well kept away from intercourse in a physical way.

     

    You have voorzaat and vóórzaad (seed and fluid)

     

    In an essay on his grandparents, Harm wrote on the sperm of his father's father. His grandfather had no unhealthy interest in children and Harm no microscope, he had the genetic carriers of the ancestral history mentioned just now not seen yet, documentaries about that were still far away in the early 1970s. Those bio chips, that somewhere in that for some tasty, white, warm, in flakes and flurries emitted Grandpa's stuff, ... whether intended as  starting signal for Harm's father as human continuation  or not ... that ' stuff ' then, Grandpa's real legacy in fact ... it is not just ' stuff ', but a collective that from individual carriers of stories exists. Grandpa Isidoor  was, in its time the provisional end result of a long series of combinations . "A by no hart beat interrupted process; that goes back much longer history than that of cellular life "... that was a for Harm's time revolutionary essay.

     



     

    Atilla, who teached religion, couldn’t laugh about it? "Forward Harm, continue reading your monstrisity".

     



     

    Harm continued.  "Take such a small fine  swimming sperm; one of the collection of partly versions of him.  Such an encyclopedy full of small building blocks. Not only building blocks, but also the Plumb, (half of a future brain), a kind of abacus ..., the male part of the soul with more rational elements than the emotional part of the brain, one can actually ask yourself ? Man and woman are the symbolic summary of the Genesis, both physics and chemistry, synthesis of everything between big bang, radiation, photons, atoms, cells and so on. So short, half of the form of arms, legs, torso ... and everything keeps running as long as possible. Grandmother Clotilde had plenty of choice. But once that the struggle for live, for all sperm; except for one (my dad is a loner) ... on the great colossal egg of grandmother Clotilde stranded, then cubes were thrown. The best, the biggest, the most powerful, the most attractive choice made by Grandma egg? Or rather the soul befitting what was in this generation episode in all kinds of directions of others teach fell and vice versa? Is this some sort of predestination that by that particular pair of arms, legs, toes ... only in the making will be worn for life? Clotilde and Isidoor laid it all on those times. From then on had father but to grow and prosper until the time of the genetic decide on a future mating dawn would, ' mating ' (this word comes perhaps of ' ring around pa ', for those who can envision a seed in an egg at the initial phase of the fission epic ".

     


    As often, Atilla came trotting along with some reproach. ' There you have him again ', thought Harm, ' it took someone with  a military discipline still the necessary time and imagination and due to his undoubtedly boring existence it was difficult for him to understand some things of life in a different way '? "Harm Isidoors, you know you will not escape punishment. You are following a wrong patern of thinking "? "I am just explaining some hidden, not always romantic realities as much as possible, as ethicayl and digestible possible, so that they can be discussed," said Harm without ' Mr ' and without ' Atilla '. "How you look upon my essay and my freedom of writing  ! This is just to get some symbolic philosophising about the concept of to ' occur 'in this life going. What is fascinating in mathematical terms (he also gave mathematics) think about what existed: the idea first ... or the dust ... If you know that time actually theoretically does not exist and in fact as physics and chemistry are one and actually do not exist and each other as dimension apart forever bring forth? Let us just assume that all matter is and on a physical  level processed with a spiritual symbolism, then I’m wright on this. You blocking a number of realities in our lives ". Atilla had clearly not followed ... or was his attitude a settling of score between someone who felt that maybe he was threatened in his authority? It looked like heading for an educational clash that since culture had existed continued and now someone had a problem with the simplicity of theory again itself even dough it was a complicated approach at the same time. Thus Harm began to think about authority and sense and nonsense.

     

    That already along so many angles described life, started well for Harm. Nine months long he also had the time to look as good as possible to look like one of them out there. Nine months long sponsored by blood, lime, egg ... from a wman who had received and shared. What a wonderful feeling, to start of  from a decision in relation to whether or not to get filled up, want to be ridden or not, whether or not full of gestation. In any case submitted by something that can be described simply as ' taste ' also. ‘Goesting’in Dutch, the meaning of a number of characters come to life to interfere with this if necessary. Some ' music pieces ' are composed, others not. His cast, the result of a chain reaction. A process that is located in the abdomen and in the society by resident would. Not only a process, but also a being ... a mental and symbolic evolution of himself and others and bound to their structures  ... not always predictable as matter. Harm realised that living  and organising had especially to do with matter ... how important the role of ideas also would prove to be. Ideas, silly and less foolish, bright performances of all kinds of things, , useful, imaginative or negligible; acting together in the creation of new life.  Reflections on authority, possession, enjoyment, boredom and making sense ... His life would turn out to be a continuing story of aproaching truth and sense in all his debts.

     



     

    A small three hundred days long Harm needed to be ready to gladly come out as traduced in to the degree with which his mother’s  second delivery went. Everything to learn in steps, grabbing, sucking, taking a crap, pee, see, hear, feel and projecting; was present. Even the command post, his brain; took care of all the automatically obeyed or ordered instructions; or in a summary :  he arrived at start and finsh in good health. Presumably it was his lust for making a good kind of combination of structures of all sorts of ancestral relationships between people, that made him appear on the scene of life. Harm thought sometimes that the beginning of what he later learned his consciousness; had been laid upon hearing that strange Underwater Acoustics, that mix of stomach and bowel sounds ... and then ' that foreign radio playing ' beyond. Also he believed to be in his brain or somewhere  in the aura or the air or in the blood and everything keeping him going, a definitely localized sense of wanting to be left alone sometimes,  ... a developing sentiment, not only to grow outside of a woman's body, but also of something that had been forever with  him as eternal as he had existed, namely; the own ' inner communication ', he would later appoint the phenomenon more clearly.

     



     

    As easy as he sat in the ‘being’ called ' uterus ', so lubricated he came out of it, after nine months earlier after a testical storm, while his second half on tasty body temperature was yearnigly waiting for complition.  His first energy source had driven him outside, or dit that happen on his conscious initiative, the science is still not that far. Away from her, to the beginning of maturity and growth, a process that symbollicaly through other women on a different dimension, was going to repeat itself symbolically, a ‘how to stay strong on your own’ game.  Done with utopian hover and swimming, floating in a pont (which, as it seemed, history of evolution repeating itself,  the evolution of the organic creatures that is). The male-female lubricant at the foreplay (hopefully it had been there), the egg, the sperm, the guest room and a well defined, never random cock, did their job, performed their song, played their inevitable role and role play ... were pleasures-full transport and storage resources to be born to a new life! A life, once more based on attracting and repelling, both separately or at the same time. Driven by the desire,’ the  no longer can stand’ the sex cells with 23 chromosomes that one has on board as a body with cells containing  46 chromosomes.

     

    Their game, her play ... and prohibited plays

     



     

    Martina and the city. She was only eight and looking as every other child for space in life.

     

    Harm lived in a village, but often went to the edge of the city, where his grandparents lived.  Between the flat against the street brick-built townhouses 234 and 238 a lush flowers disturbed  the architectural monotony of the street scene. It was the little garden of Isidoor Isidoors and his wife Clotilde. Against the footpath here this time no facade with crochet curtains as strict furrowed eyebrows. Well, overgrown with MOSS,  ornamental plates, and their concrete already showing it’s first rusty iron. No letter box  in the door, but an old milk jug, put on a pain with the bottom always open for the occasionally birds to come and make their nest there. In that summer, the sixty and sixth since 1900, the sparrows had rented something else somewhere or maybe there was one fallen prey of growing road traffic. Bad luck of course for parents and children in the street. An opportunity to show young people away lively that bird nests are a miracle and no vandals objects, something’ not so enthusiastic  about life’ children and people’ did not understand at once. ‘Why and how and what to do with that kind of people in life’ would become Harm’s specialties, life would put everything necessary to understand that on a plate for him, but not always readily identifiable and in ways that he normally expected. The cast iron fence between the two thickest plates styles was  closed for the dog and it kept,the during their leisure hours ever present young children away from possible car danger. Once the squeaky gate closed, you came in a worldnot  to be found in the ‘five working days’ street.  Street no longer thought possible. The flowers and shrubs in the front courtyard, the vegetables in open ground and who were in the Conservatory, Clotilde's artistic children. The fruit trees, an others. While in their canopies generations of pigeons announced their territory with wars and dances, and battled with competitors in purchase of their partner on the platform to enter ... as nature renewed itself year after year.

     

    Before Isidoor’s rabbits ended freely in Clotilde's cooking pot, they freely run  in the meadow behind the farm, they had delicious healthy lives eating hundreds of plants. No wonder they let themselves be catched by the neighborhood kids with Isidoor ' s trap cage; rather than to escape in the direction of the city. As a rabit, you also had to die anyway!

     

    In the Vife Day Street, the farm of the Isidoors was more than an oasis between the terraced houses with their concrete gardens of ten square meters. Isidoor had the support of the whole street in his struggle to prevent his farm from the construction of one of the first large department stores. He would not be expropriated. The farm would not become a car park actually and was not to be completely divided in two.  Sheep, pigs and cows from behind the prickly, would not with a confident indifference philosophise on what if they ended in shop carts as frozen meat (something new a that time).. Still, the animals on the farm were free like the children in their thousand-and-one-games of ' who-is-not-way-is-seen ' and  'playing doctor’. In fixed and changing groups of four or six, they could always call the farm theirs for  an afternoon. Opportunities for fantasy to get solid, there was enough. Especially in the old barn with all those pieces of metal and wood; that they sometimes came across and used to make castles, attacked and conquered, and many non patented inventions.

     

    Whoever came ‘chez’  Isidoor and Clotilde and their grandson Harm was a guest, Martina was happy to be  there somethimes in a group of friends between nature. Later she would grow  her own match  tightly trussed tomato plants. Sometimes she was refused by her paretns to go and play along with the other children.  Then she looked on the ladder over the wall to catch a glimpse of the children playing. So she had seen five guys and girls of her age in the high grass with blades of grass  testing what you can do when playing the doctor game especially when exploring under the belt. The boys seemed not much interested. The more in the game interested girls  waited in curiosity for things to early to happen any way. One day Clotilde ended the game. As if playing it sneaky was a  irreplaceable part of this special game was, first the boys than the boys came out from the long grass. Clotilde cared about what happened and thought of all the diapers that she in her time had made clean, washed, dried, ironed. To take care her children were clean. And keeping ‘clean’ according to her had also to do with chaste and unchaste. Clotilde was one of the women who had learned that children don’t harm each other by experimenting on that field of growing up. That form of discounted, that transmission of inferiority feelings and sexual inhibition from one generation to another ... that block one takes with from one’s child's bed  in too the marriage bed ... that silly form of at all price like to own in a sick way, that dishonor was what fathers did not have to do with daughters.

     

     

     

    It somethimse happened tha adults asked Isi for advice on their personal problems, more and more as the divorce rate grew. It was more difficult as answering the questions of the children playing on the farm.

     


    The method of Isi was none of unctuous words, but just one of tips for which more prosperous  people paid professional help. His sermons, no  classic sermons, were thoughst,passed on orally in pieces and pieces ... in such a way that Isi sometimes told things he had not intended to say not at all. "Give each other some space anyway darn", so he began usually. "Try to get that head of you first have to get under control. Do you really think that that someone you love does not has the need to sometimes  have a slice of his or her life exposed to another or do you probably have too long forgotten to pay attention too him or her your daily living with ? Forgotten why he or she is so special ?   Don’t have too much fantasies  about how ' the other ' with that ' other ' would be ...  remaining on friendly terms with each other very often is a better deal. But it doesn’t always work.  We all have the right to breathe again when the pressure in our environment and relations, by factors that one does not understand, or sometimes first years later really is becoming, too big.  And when there in the end is a third party fylly involved with your partner, your legal spouse, why continue blaiming the other alone and see his or her worst sides and continue to surch for reasons to complain ? What are you afraid of…of losing possesions ? Do you really think you can lose people, especially if you stay in your own strength ? Can’t you fix the relation any more or are you to often alone with children who aren’t at their ease ? Are you jealous of the romance of the discovered extramarital affair that has reduced the relationship with your partner ? Or did you stop asking how it came that  the fine things of the past disappeared? Maybe it's just because your children have no place to play ?  Do not be euforic on the things from times when the love was great between you, but try to talk about the meaning of both your lives. Try to finfd some peace of mind both.  And if you want to go start talking with each other, awkard things maybe sad, nasty things too, but ease afterwards and think and rethink once more so that you know how you both got the cards you have and how the cards are as they are wright now ... until that you know where fear and lies came from.  Do not think if it’s the cas, at it all just for the sex, the money or being more this or that ... there are many reasons for man and women being lonely. Of course if you sometimes don't know what that you in fact have to know (perhaps  in order not to hurt ) ... it is like everything that happens behind the back, hard. Why not just present the new partner too each other in such a situation?  It could be wise to talk to each other ! And ... it doesn't have to end up where that the neighborhood will think it ends ... though it may of course make peculiar twists, uncontrollably out of control sometimes ... but those are challenges one can try in certain circumstances. Without a few words or preferably more words spoken ... then fly there one day, of course, a few things through the kitchen in the least severe case.  Why should that be the case now people! Even your kids think that in your head something no longer is true. It's still better that they know who that is, the one they are going to find more and more in the company of their father or mother. Experiencing each other anyway as very good old friends in a game that one must learn to play fair with trial and error.  Do not get  haunted by images of others who enjoy each other's … . Oh well, everything can have numerous causes, there are even couples who just replaced talking by sex as if that is the only thing  what counts!?

     

    Children still understand little of those things, but spontaneity is something that they recognize better than adults. They live with a kind of sacred image they have of their parents and in their later life they can get confused in a traumatic way if they don’t learn to get the backgrounds of life.  With a disturbed ' father ' or ' mother image ' sometimes it is not so easy to build relationships, but there are not only parents, but also the time-spirit plays a role.  Not only thetime-spirit that more and more is  one that does not have a need borders and restrictions any more. Patterns of behavior in a relationships stay important,. Relational developments, aided by the current time- spirit of unbridled enjoying and adventures usually end with loneliness and drifting apart and provoking even more injuries.  If a new relationship has too do with communicating on another level about things, that is something else. One can understand that one is touched in one’s honnor... because you're always so darn been faithful ... but is that a reason to begin to drink or to switch to revenge or payingfor  love? Why deform  the image of your onve in your ieyes almost perfect partner and become cynical  about life? What's funny about feeling miserable? Give it a try again or with someone else ... If you feel you're a part in a love triangle or fair learns that. Talk it out first then you might come to the conclusion that both of you want to feel more that you exist ... that you both want to discover ... and want to rediscovered. Things happen without we realising why they were needed. Don’t be the deviishl to each other with impossible settlements and lawyers and notaries, arranging among yourselves ,makes the band stronger. You can restrengthen confidence sometimes if you want. I say it again, you should not go to sleep or too much with those things with you. Talk them out, do no hasty things or make quick decisions not from discontent or excitement or so. Starting with a little more and more space for each other is sometimes sufficient ... though it might then also evolve into things one is not strong enough to support.  Avoid physical or verbal abuse  and humiliations which you only regret afterwards. Don't start drinking because then  all jealous and greedy dragons from your subconscious can play a game with your imagination. By recriminations and accusations ayou then come to know things that better were not said, it’s armement, not disarmement ... instead of reading the right books to read about relationships and other perspectives. A bit of competition in love is good, but too much can cause large wounds. Wounds of which only the generous recovers .

     

    Harm, many years later, faced with those situations,wanted to compare those taughts with the last three months of his relationship with Martina. You can't one month, one year, ten, twenty years ... look further or go with someone else's decision to dwell together. “ You have decided unther a lot of pressure Martina,  but sea lion not mine; I and the kids wanted you to stay”.

     



    Too good to continue, those wonderful letters, which no other lovers

     

    Already in the time of Isidoor's farm,  Harm knew that girls, women, are usually much rather let boys take initiative, then for example take initiative themselves (in many ways, dough they provide sparks as well.  Some of them anyway. But where were the other? Those that ' play along ', as he had learned Martina. She had taught him to take her teenage problems seriously. He had become a true specialist in by mail responding to her large and minor issues. He invented hundreds of sentences, phrases, peculiarities on paper ... in that delicious extra incentive period when they did not live together or when he was in the army and thus missing ... in that time they restricted themselves to just caresh each other. Feeling head, skin. Her father must hvee been relly jealous ten.  Or did he feel  like a man who did not bother any more that his wife was with another ?

     



     

    Harm had fought throughout his life against that from the face of most people could be read that they found life a tasteless, soulless, saltless joke. He himself constantly saw similarities between things, was eager to learn and absorb and make it all fit in too his ever developing image of the world.  He was searching for ways to make others part of what he ever always again discovered and corrected ... even the fact that even the most simple thing for him, honest communication with your life partner, was not so obvious at all.

     



     

    Until that period dawned, he had written works which form stood far from the average reader; even though he also wrote in a more simplified way. He got little comment onhis work  in the beginning. However his work was about things, big things that limited the happiness of every citizen, rich and poor. Hunger, war, unemployment ... environment ... thought. It did not stop there for Harm.  He wrote about future alternative of managing society as well, other forms of governance. In every literary style  he was aware of the fact that the spectrum of political parties not only stands for a number of programs from left and right but also for the degrees of selfishness and solidarity that lives in people  ... and those who show solidarity in life, how they were influenced by the others.   He wanted the ordinary person to feel that art, philosophy and understanding the society can give enormous satisfaction. Since Martina, now his legal wife, had started to let him feel feel, that she could possibly be without him ... their house and the adolescents; since then his system of agitating for a better the world of social progress for example, changed significantly, because he made more time to win her back. For the time of being done with social militaitng  and less about social writing, he sometimes still had an indifferent balance opposite the misery in the world, he learned that that misery is not only also about negative emotional problems, and one of the reasons why so many people are not interested in politics; so he had to take that area of life in too his work as well and work out alternatives for dealing with emotional problems, in the meanwhile waiting until the major world problems came to the richer Western world…and that ordinary people should rise against their imposed lifestyle and culture, not out of self consciousness and idealism but on a material base (sadly but that’s the way it seemed to function).

     

    So he tried to win over her again. Only in bed that was not a problem. That field was indeed also important for the workman and the shopkeeper, the peasant and the secretary ... their outdoor work alone wasn’t their complete lifemade ... love and excitement as well and that also was a source of competition and perspectives. If you're nothing taking that in too account in your view on the world and when you neglect that field of human existence and examine the factor integerty, you miss crucial things in philosophing about life as a whole.  Especialy women notice these things.  Although almost everyone quips  about sultry and naughty things, most people are still fond of integrity, also in relationships; strange, how would that come? Much less interest was there for how to use a tendency in a political party or outside it to change the social democracy back to the side of the working man and not for maintining the capitalist excesses that strangled the world. Why so less attention for a culture in which other values of the personal and collective existence valued ,  Martina, did she felt put aside themselves on  by all Harm’s society-oriented activities, not more fully orientated on her and the children ? Didn’t  her mother, (in the abscence of more sensefull chats  ) say to Martina that one should not rely on the fact that Martin really went to all those reuions, was he really?!  So she spread doubt in too her daughter’s hart. Sure. The mother of Martina’s husband had to strictlywalk her line as time lines were concerned. Martina had told Harm how she had sometimes wept, while he slept. She wept because of what her father did too her and because that was Martina’s real reason of not being in the mood as much as her husband when it came to making love.  Before that, she even before marrying the cuddle up in the seat more and more. It wasn’t the only reason of course. She was a master in the the creation of artistic pullovers and thus more, stuff for the children from before they were baby. Lately Martina more and more started those hously arguments that he got tired of relativating, because in the background the pression of her guild feeling towards her mum who found that he wasn’t a good husband for her daughter, with all his writing or wtching teevee when they all went to sleep ... what rarely took place though ... but this happening s a few times was enough for the mother in law who wanted to put pressure on her daughter.  Martina felt obligated to put the same kind of time in cleaning as her mother did  (Harm also tried to do his part, but not as intensive as most women do) .Had he not said often enough that Martina should not put too much time in those household matters in the sense of imposing a strict and severe  weekly schedule on herself ? Harm prefered playing with the children, peeling the potatoes, washing dishes, a bit of clearing, recovery work, jobs for the further building of the house ... in the knowledge that maniacal forms of cleanliness also were found to be hereditary.   Just sitingt in the seat with the children watching TV, while Martina was busy with vacuum cleaners or washing machines, was a reason to reproach him incurable lazines. As if everyone should be mechanically busy all the time in order to feel good. What bothered her was  Harm ' s calm and also the things she had entrusted him about her growing up in a kind of triangular relationship with her parents ... things that Harm had long  classified, when you have kids you have to move forward and let those things for what they were.

     



    Harm did know what hard work was; because he himself in his youth and far beyond the twenty years long  hard work in a family business, (everything you can imagine)  In the end Harm got used to the  domestic whining about the house hold, with  ever more frequently recurring phrases such as: "I do not want to grow old with you with, me cleaning all the time ...". If one complains too much about this, it  indicates that there are other things that come into play and not least someone else who has no wife any more and is trying to pull another one’s over to him without the other one knowing . Forgotten is then how much pleasure you can give someone in bed and all your commitment disappears into the background the fact  that you're a good father, and a gentle person as well. Then one learns that too much ‘understanding’ and being tolerant and not demanding too much not always fit in certain situations. Things begin to crack as they let you feel that you should take your distances. They get more often moody then, not because of the husband but because someone else is pulling them away from the husband.   When you suddenly feel that more is behind those frosty silent weekend morning in bed. Is the competitor, the one you only know recently he existed (the last year of your marriage  you didn’t) getting  impatient? She is tired of the old ' folds ' and she wants to feel the folds of the other.  Why that last year everything had to be so exaggerated, they after all where fifteen year happy with each other and the kids, without much fuss been actually doing the things that matter, build, work, living together, have children and ensure, time for special things.

     

    It’s also funny how one gets to know one’s wife ‘s having ‘an affair’ :eft and right because you will get not completely pronounced tips, for exemple from someone ,that ' casual ' visitor on that theatre piece you wrote, could not be the one who had not personally received an invitation (for that attempt of Harm’s theatre monologue play in this case).  The ball is rolling and Harm confronted his wife and lover in the pub were they met. "So, the last time you'll see him more and more under the afternoon", becomes a piece of dialogue instead of "should I help the children with their homework or did you checked it "?  "Oh, so he may as well listen better to you, he explains your traumas better, ... lets you feel that you are a special woman ... that you do not have to feel inferior." If you tried to show yourself more as a loving women to me, you would not need those psychological confessions and that complaining to one another, that ends in hand sticks and the rest ", said Harm, when in more ways than one tickled by the hijacker on the coast, plagued, sometimes blessed with sexual possessiveness and fantasies, for which the new couple, presenting themselves as platonic claimed to be not ready for.  For them a secret, for you a question. But why  happens to us, our family, after a that stange year of not knowing what is happening, so all of a sudden falling on our heads ", tried Harm. "Do you fear that my huge angry mood that time you taunted me "? That slap in the face  which you always are enlisting now after that I only asked you to tell me if you saw him and that not would have appeared when you came home that night and killed me with your looks, and exclaimed your strongly negative wishes towards me, which I shall not repeat. Biting in my hand is also no fun. You have to finf all this ‘natural’ as a man, I supose ?  That other being ' there ' would not attach so much importance to making love then me’ ... that is certainly something to keep me calm?

     

    Pronounce everything that isn’t pronounced and let it go. Must we use the same logical criteria in the field of love as well as in the social field ... changing your employer for another when you seriously feel disadvantaged, I can understand, but changing the mother or father of your kids, no; that is quite something else. A real man, out of respect for his wife and the mother of his children doesn’t involve with just a one-night stand ... those that do, they lack respect, the men as well as women ... Harm heard himself say with an angry head. Darn, you wonder how it is that just be nice for each other as a couple is so difficult now, being happy doesn’t have to be so complex. ... is it that what is bothering us ? You blamed me sometimes that I am not jealous enough ..., that's just because of the confidence that I had in you.  Oh well, what does it matter, I am jealous more now ...,satisfied… but that being jealous or not has nothing to do with whether or not one loves each other, but with the fact that we have some lcommon goals and commands in live, over the border of live and death even. So now that I am jealous it seems not much to move in you. Maybe you liked me not jealous in the past, so you could be more free to go other ways. Then you stand somewhere as a man to fight off your anger and a few things more ... just because it forces you to change your philosophy of life, you would  like to learn to realize that relationships outside of marriage for both are a need to be able to ... get stronger…though you never have had someone else. The temptation to start ' hunting ' for a new love then begins, you  get overwhelmed by those things instead of waiting for the right time in your life to come across them.  Was it that Martina, did he occur at the right time in your life, in our lives or did you make the folowing reflection “one of my girlfriends is more happy now, why not me”... (her husband less indeed).     At such moments both one favorites as well a monogamous relationship than the opion of the emerging opportunist in you, who longs for new ' delicious ' meat in the tub around the corner, but one still does not know anything of all possible forms of complications which that may cause in the lives of many others. Did  that ' opportunist 'in oneself did not exist much earlier in you, you can of course ask, but in Harm’s case it was that sometimes no more than a nice gimmick ... a fantasy which may have had a little influence on the familiar woman but that will or have worked in two directions ".

     

    "What the heck Martina. All in all, I'm glad you have taken the first step afterwards, must I learn to see it that way? Within the meaning of that you redeemed me of a dilemma that I have actually held impossible. You make me realise how difficult the small realities and not known things can weigh on a human being as subjective, emotional , roads one is pushed in, conscious and unconscious,  not to mention the other ' conscience ' ... that has to be put to the test with you, and who knows how long are you going to find peace if our paths do separate ... and most important ... not just those of us ". 

     

     In the Bible Martina, such things are people's biggest enemies. Do you remember how we talked about ' them ' (your friend, my possible new girlfriend) to our ' friends '?  The house in two, two new "families" ... other perspectives..; fine talk moments ... theory moments especially ... disturbed by your secret date that came to light. Why did those things have to be in secret ? Why didn’t  you say  ‘that lived far away’, when he in fact had already moved the neighboorhood ? Why take chances with your Harm that still had to get used to see you and him as an a new episode in our lives ?  Even small doses of feeling cheated and to feel threatened, the trusted luck of the family, can send one's taughts and deeds on the path of evil and stupid jealousy increased during argumets with always yours poisoned little arrows.  Trying to keep my tongue in check, I must keep on practicing ... so we  really still can have moments without temperament against temperamen and respect each other again as human beings  What has it brought you Martina, a lot of doubting and uncertainty. The experiences themselves, of course, and what comes out to learn, now almost 25 years later more clearly than the moments themselves ... and what was not made clear in terms of insights came  through other people on our way. One moment you had enough of my scraping about him, his divorce, his wife, his children, his work,  ... it wasn’t worth it all anymore all to you, you wanted to stop.  I said no. It would have been a waste, you do not not have good conversations with someone that often, maybe keep it platonic (if that was the case) ? Or maybe it was your way of having a secret lover again, unknown ?  All those secret weekly calls at our home gave me a feeling of being a lifelong obstacle indoors, they have you surely also helped you to survive a year longer further through life ?   What you always had to tell more than we do? That things could speed up by my progressive attitude? Or am I torturing myself unnecessary ? Not a good ' winners ' attitude from me in retrospect. In general a woman with a second lover expects other words coming from her husband towards the ‘rival’ :  "stay away from my wife , search one that is free yourself or I’ll….”

     

    "No Martina, many of those attitudes I have even tried, but the depth of life that yousr took, there was little recourse against. It's too simple and complicated at the same time. I still have the dozens of letters we wrote each other during our courtship, I'll give you this now but you will find there maybe only the painful things of your youth in.  Our silences of the last year won’t go away with redaing it, it will not bring us to cuddle in the seat not even. Why  a woman simply doen not understand that a woman can have no problems, with a man who is bent on having her in fact? The question could have multiple answers, but let's talk about them some other time ". "What the heck Martina. All in all, I'm glad you have taken the first step afterwards, I must learn to see it like that? Within the meaning of that you redeemed me of a dilemma that I have actually held impossible. You makes me realise how difficult the small realities and not known things though on the human being as subjective, emotional being by roads, conscious and unconscious, conscience and not known; to say nothing of the other ' conscience ' ... that has to be put to the test with you, and who knows how long are you going to sit still if our paths do separate ... and most important ... not just those of us . Now I am learning to live with the situation and things to be forgotten. Also this Martina. Let us for the time being,  say where we are, so that one of the two not to will not be a victim of self-pity. The day I will have learned the skills to avoid this kind of condition, you will maybe be able to see me again as the young man with the special words. Maybe it’s more easy for you, already having made love to someone else. Maybe this all would not have happened if you hadn’t had this trauma in your youth, since when you in fact don’t trust a man anymore. Or a very much older looking man now in your case.

     

    Breaking news, while Harm wrote this, he got notice of the youngest son that the man with whom she married a year after their split had someone else (also married with three kids and an unknowing husband, history repeats itseld, and maybe Martina you have someone else as well ?) Telepathy does seem to exist. We are now may 2012, for years since 1989 Harm had these texts for Martina, typed on typmachines, not on computer. Harm thought about his collected works and how the day before yesterday, on Ascension Day, he discovered these words around their love and he decided to transfer them digitally. Strange is also the simultaneity with Harm ' s relational situation ... because since about the same time frame he and his femle friend splited up after almost twenty years of  insights just continuing  as friends through life, but that's another story, based on the previous as it goes ... and even then on a very magical-spiritual way. Weird too, yesterday Harm thought that Martina would came back in his life ... just before he started typing the text.

     


    "Martina, why feel any longer that we have to play the equally merciless game of mutual chess, exactly what the ‘spectators’ and society and genetics seems to impose on us ? Let us choose a partly common path in consultation with him and his original family, if there is no other way out. Give me therefore also a time out to look for someone else. Someone else, difficult to imagine, someone else on the condition of not to love someone else. The pain I suffered, I would like to, you see, feel ... no one else feeling it ". Harm would later repeat this as many times that ... but that's another story. Oh Martina, you will say that I am wrong, that you do not want him ' bringing in ' our house, but we are already legaly separating. I notice your doubt sometimes, when you nourish yourself again in my rest. An outsider will call something like that silliness. In the knowledge that you probably hope I find a dedicated other and preferably  go somewhere else to live with he. A woman has, oddly enough, take greater account of her reputation, more than a man. The couple of times I blamed you verbally exaggerated, they are hopefully forgiven . We are a kind of transitional generation, because I suspect that the number of divorces in our society will increase. We got our awareness among other via the pornographic images mostly, undoubtedly useful for very lonely people on old age, but once again a further commercialisation of the being ' human '. Many quarrels we had not, on those exceptions by the last three months after ... when the children finally noticed that not only they themselves could do  annoying.

     

    Martina, you say to me "writing love letters from earlier, you can no longer". "Now it’s mainly political-social-inspired things. You think because you're in love again you can go back there. I would still be able to rediscover that, but I no longer get that chance. So should I discover you again ? Again discover that you understand abstract things but at the moment they specifically really happening to you.  Besides,  love letters depend on those where you write them too.  Also physical seen you get the feeling that you're dealing with sometimes not the same kind of energy  than it used to be. It's not easy to constantly stay above the primitive thinking and feeling.. Continue to take into account comments can be heavy, especially if at the same time, the war, the work rhythms, the unemployment and the poverty and pollution in this world occupy your mind ".

     

    By trying to speak to her daily, Harm continued to explore the boundaries of her willigness to stay with her family. Was winnig her back possible ? . "Let us not dig too much more .” But be aware,Though, the chance  that if we cannot overcome the difficulties weface now, and that we will get the same challenges back on our plates is bi

     


    A lot is too is difficult to explain in fact. I will write you again in about 23 years. In the meantime we must be careful that we do not get  to euphoric about new people we let in too our lives.   No one needs to follow our solutions, in their case that might not be the best.Why not stop writing and me enjoy life, without always wanting to explain why and for what? Perhaps because the opposition between oversimplification and underlying logic is important for your decision making that you need too stay anyway.

     

    Did a lot to get you back Martina.  I tried it with our handsome love letters from the teens. With discussing psychological books you . With seducing with words and body warmth, you ccould not hide you srted missing me. Later I learned that for a part it’s also about the energy brought along by others. But how long untill according to tradition, he will claim you as his biological property ? Others react differetly from me, they make treaths about money and possesions or smash their fist on the table or play the game of who is the ost ‘guilty’, not seeing the real backgrounds and evolutions between people. Maybe your lifestory is the one your parents should have done : divorcing. Three months long my had was as well dessert and jungle as more normal landscapes, trying to figure out were you came from in life and why you chose to leave us. In fact after a period of living with your new partner in the house (the first two weeks were difficult, but the paintings I made on the addic (zolder)were beautifull, and after a few weeks it seemed like the woman on the first floor ( I was living on the second floor with he children) , was like my sister. When I myself brought a woman in too our house, things became very barable for me…but for you and him ?  After a few years, when I had moved, our children became a too heavy lot to deal with and I had to come back to them. I put a lot of intensity in educating our children alone for about ten vifteen years.

     

    To come to a conclusion.  If one is much betrayed as a little child, one has less difficulties with lying to people. We were going to make it, we would succeed. Everything was guaranteed and sure, one time I took the thread again when you cut.  It was no mistake, everything follows his own logic.  We went on. We forgot that there are others in the world who play their roles. We learned how to deal with children especially, delicious. Women can do weird.

     

    The older generation has not enough love remedie to pass on, things have changed and then again not. They tried once already, the older generation, in the sense of ' If you never di it with another, that is the best, then you don't know if there's any difference is '.

     

    Now that I gave you the freedom you maybe will regret one day, I’m taking mine. But I will give you still from time to time an  oppurtunities to come back.

     

    Finally. Those who are isolated by the game of love, it's sometimes hard to bare the truth when enlightement comes around the corner. Some valuable illusions can be lasting if one obtains the force to not complain when another starts following them.

     

    E. Oh well, love

     

    Part 1. dreams of 1 and for ever on the way to an ex?

     

    ° the adolescent Sport 3

     

    ° the Institute marriage 7

     

    ° Martin and Martina

     

    ° the Lat relationships 11

     

    Part 2. Willeke

     

    ° prelude

     

    ° the non-classical triangle 13

     

    ° the wooden spaceship 14

     

    ° what Wants Willeke?

     

    ° Novel for the blue man 31

     

    ° The summer of 1994 was meanwhile already passed 45

     

    ° for Mrs B 50

     

    Part 3. with what words I will delight your soul

     

    ° with what email-words I will relieve your mind ? e50-e102

     

    ° of the prohibited by fall in love 103

     

    ° time, relativity and love 109

     

    ° the Earth, punishment camp or geluksoord? 110

     

     

     

    E. OH WELL, LOVE

     

    Part 1. Dreams of one and forever and always on the way to an ex?

     



     

    First girlfriends

     

    -------------------------------------

     

    My first was called Lioness. That first girlfriend; one of the few classic-brave girls who crossed my path; came from a family where they let me knowme by a sensual, but too young sister of hers on her bicycle  that her sister would like to meet me on a pary, that used to be called T-dansant..

     

    That was because I had looked to her, when she as majorette that behind that pool table in that old kafee, when the new pastor came to the village.

     

    She probably saw in me a new kind of Pastor  because I too often speak about what is wrong in the world, more than classic religious people.We were the same age and each other's first non sexual but really good kissing friends; though there had been that older,  that I wanted to feel what my middle under dancing felt. Alrighty, what is ' hot ', a brave you can create hot or can even be hot; but wants non other than the man who wants her wedding to be with him.  A not brave-hot wants the same after she has finally put her mind to x or y . You had  ' brave ' and ' naughty-hot-hot ' between the girls. As a boy I was a ' brave  ', ' being faithfull  I found the matter of course evidently.

     

    The lioness and I learned kissing on the famous tango slows in those days. How someone tastes is unique for everyone, you feel something like a candy, you taste and you'll find it not directly your kind of energy ... let it be but so ... what other kind of ' exitement ' also follows. Your first impression is very important. Also if you see someone the first time and your  those impressions  go by as  important signals from your ' spirit world ' to your ' soul ', so to speak, it can be real or tricky.  Know your spiritual world knows  always better, your ' soulworld ' follows mainly the signals of your , the world of bellies an further down.  Could not be otherwise, your ' soulworld ' still has so much to learn and will still need so many things and situations and persons probably.. But that you do not understand  not yet by when the love life begins with the search for ' true '.

     

    I came home after the T-dansant ' so to speak, and even my grandmother felt something new in me.

     

    It was  in those days when I was fifteen and already felt, so to say ' mature '  a few years before something was changing in my body. As you experience life it feels you can rarely completely come in contact with the outside world. Sometimes it seems like the whole world is one languorous ' soulworld ' , with highlights and depths, between which everyone is trying to stay afloat.

     

     

     

     4

     

    The times for your own happiness appear depending on the evolutions in which  others are. Girls were in those days more ' guarded ' than now and  discovering along with them love and sex was not so 'obvious’ than now, now one starts with much earlier, but one encounters also quicker the ' adult ' problems that can go together with a break up.  Here and there people warned us not to begin too early with  love, not even in its physical version. Indeed, the image of my lovable Lioness  was very much with me and in the classroom, while economic subjects did not made me sing and dance I stayed too much pasted to her warm appearance. The following year I was allowed to choose my own direction and chose ' Human Sciences '. Our ' spirit world ' in our lives often unconsciously, had ensured that I would go in that direction and had led me to fall in love with ... in the first years of the secondary school as a student who was always the first, and later withthe three first was, but if I hadn’t failed for bourgeoies economics the year I wa swith the Lioness, maybe I would have become a kind of accountant or business manager.

     

    The Lioness didn't have much with my philosophical statements and was looking like almost everyone else, actually for the certainty of the existence with a more secure, according to the common ' couples ideology '' , less' rebellious man. Little did I know of love and from what obviously disliked her in me ... and that this was only a first lesson in separation, I continued to like her of course, but the being hurt I hadn’t yet met. She became a happy married housewife with children. As everything always : try again. It actually starts when you are conceived and before that and before that ... until the of the bigbang and so on.

     

    Life has exactly but one basic rule, ' once something zero, or the emptiness or futility accessed ... a new situation is near when the pressure becomes too great ' ... with matter is that so and with relationships as well. Now that we went ‘a little back in time in those last sentences, here’s a story of my earliest love in kindergarten :

     

    In kindergarten just bein friends was easier :  Some elderly locks me and ' Trompet ', an age ever PAL, in a circle. Next to the coalselter of the nuns, we were surrounded ... we were no longer allowed allowed out of  the circuit befor we had given each other a kiss. Our ' society ' by then, mainly so the pupils of the primary school, including , the older sister of trumpet, had seen that she and I always danced together during the nursery dances. Our relationship lasted but a infancy long, but would still leave its mark on our lives. It had to be so.

     

    However, the question is always: why? My future lay all  decided in its name: ' trompet’. Tromper means betray in French, maybe I had to learn in life what that was, because it wasn’t in me and when is it in love in fact not the nicest thing to do ?

     

    What was so ' wrong ' or ' cheaty ' such as the French-speakers say so mild, it is an enormous elastic concept, that I still in its enlarged form would encounter ... and where I despite all that it entails, had much of learning about it to do ... to be able to transfer it’s meaning to others I had a lot of experience to go through.  By the way, the French word ‘tromper’ also means ‘to be wrong’.

     

    In my ' infancy age  I already fell on a not so classic brave girl, in the sence that she would turn out a dozen years later without much morals, courting an older cousin, a hippie kid from the city, suddenly I was just a farmer boy. (and proud of by the way). But still like her, wonder why she never had children.

     

    5

     

    For too long I remained that honnest churchboy after the kindergarten age.  After Trumpet ' benefited ' of her youth, she looked for a serious and separated and many older man ... and she is now satisfied without her own dream sofa with the hay. A man can't say, ' she had better taken that sculptor-farmer '  because everything always runs as it runs because it could have been a last resort not else ... who knows whch light and heavy thingsshe experienced in the meantime. And by the way, the farmer needed a farmers wife, not a lady working in a boetiek. The only thing that I still know for sure is that they later just like I once persuaded to elections. Countless evolutions of different people cross each other and like domino's everything and everyone depends on one anothers ‘falling’ for one anothers lifelines.

     

    Actually, it was that first time I kissed a girl, just like the second time with the lioness some ten years later it started with the initiative of others than myself. Maybe the nuns had a strong eye on us when dancing with each other. What a symbolism.

     

    The love life of the nuns was actually locked in a coalshelter as well, and we in addition, individuals from the school society, demonstrated the world of prudery what else one could do in that darkness ... beyond your life to devote to the classic way of  dedicating your life to the spiritual world and nuns.

     

    Later I asked myself and others sometimes why it was that the boy had to take the initiative actually. Now I wonder whether we might lose that instinct  if there a few older to mess around with children.  The abused innocence so to say, as if one is send into the world to study all kinds of animal like  instincts  and the turmoil  that that can provoke in too young and even adult lives. Was it all bound to happen to you, because you had to learn to understand it and explain it and in the end conclude it was a kind of ancestral telepathy as well ?

     

    Something that you have to do against your will, or that sexual or non-sexual abuse now emanates from bisexual or homosexual wankers or just of nuns or frustrated pedophiles  ... it always to some extent ways on the development of your own resilience and initiative. For children everything is simple. They can enjoy a simple little Kiss during a dance ... The adults with their genetic struggle for survival and their social survival fight, make everything complicated.

     

    A man, a women develops along the confrontation with positive and less positive to negative experiences. It was already in the old teachings, used and abused for many purposes ; something in the sense of: If you do upon  a child something very negative, it were, would be better that that person with a millstone around the neck would be smashed in the water. That water should then not be too deep and it shouldn't be a millstone, a push is enough ...  They can not do much about ... they are so and that requires sometimes several generations to get that out. In the languages of the centuries; a language that carries the evolution ' mildness '; some images tend

     

    6

     

    to fade of. Now they’re better of with treatment or jail.  Who knows how big a mill stone is actually still there? What for me is certain is that the sexual abuse of children by older children or adults, is one of the forms of abuse of power , that from the one on the other generation can be passed on and can translate even in more emotionally submissive behavior. Children under the age of each other, will discover what there is to discover. .. without the negative intrusiveness of much older children or some young and ' old-adults '. Sexual orientation may be genetically determined, it is sometimes clear to note that all intrusive hassle especially is designed to raise their self-esteem, even more than their drift to get rid of their ‘bronst’.  Some have just too little self worth with the opposite sex or take advantage of childlike intuition while they overwhelm their victims with their too little human energy  lower abdomenal energy.  You had to commiserate with them as well, one could ask oneself as a child, one was not warned against them, ‘helping’ them each time they were ‘in need’, no warning was given in school against them in those days.

     

    The adult world was in some way a bit stupid at times. The adults had put us on the world to resolve relationship problems in a different way, to experience them more profoundly than they had been permitted and able too  and we had to actually be an improved version of their own? We were with those intentions a more positive version of their own genetics maybe?

     

    A time after the Lioness, there came one that also wrote herself in my life: ' Reza '. She gave me in her way again a beginning of ' added value '. Although we also dared play each other's physical resources, we did not penetrated in each other, as we in our fantasy did.  Damn It.

     

    "Her father had studs, she could compare" ... I said sometimes smiling when my friends asked why it was finished. I could not tell my friends about our mutual, lost letters,and  start talking about what love means ... so I had to say something that they really understood ...  in terms of humor I could score with them.

     

    I had a double grieve, just that weekend my grandmother died. Tears of all kind came. As to Reza and her new love worked together to help people with psychological problems, it was their profession. Reza’s sister lived together with two men and in their later live they also stood open for new forms of living together outside the classical scheme of relations. I remember when I was already married getting a letter from the mto encourage me in my political activities.7
    The institution ‘mariage’
    Still I hadn’t done ‘it’.  In the beginning of the seventies we dough lived in a culture that promoted ‘it’. De seks industrie started booming and overwelmed us with such energy that there was a real danger that we would get obsesed by it. The ‘world van below the belly’ tried to tak us in a grip. We learned a lot of things, some people, homo’s and lesbians only got wet from man or woman only, I only from women or even from the ‘hot’ literature that made it’s entry in the world of books…it made the white male clouds come quicker then when one would be alone just playing with oneself, fast and anonymous, just as our economy became more and more…away from true interaction.
    I learned to say no to everything I did not like and prefered the words that came out of my hart and the artistic intuition that I got from this. Girls much more liked it then all that artificial mikmak.

     

    I found one like that, Martina. She was beautiful with round brests and also  a not too ‘I am a beautiful girl like type’. A bit of a young rebel. She already did ‘it’, aldough she only could tell me 15 year later with who and that explained a lot.  She came from the big city too our village.
    She liked the outside air, aldough she was allergic, bit too much on her fingers and sometimes me, things I only would profoundly understand after years. Life functions like this  : one cannot know everything on advance, if one did, one would not take the same task on ones shoulder. The army had enlisted me for military service (a thing I would not do again) but to save time and money I decided to go and make the military life a bit difficult for a number of little dictators over there. I coresponded from Germany with Martina, we wrote a whole lot of letters with funny things and my first insights about the educational system and other ‘systems’ in society and people. With drawings and everything in between, internet wasn’t invented yet. Her warm entrance was already made free…my remark on this was a kind of a joke but she was embarashed and I did not understand why.  We did ‘it’ and we love dit. One detail became a drama for her…she had to invent an explanation for her not being a virgin, and I didn’t want any in fact…think that the next following years she suspected me of not beliefing her explanation (“the day after indeed blood in slip”)about indeed that it was her first time as well, but I did not mind at all or paid attention any more on this.  If only she would have anderstood that I wasn’t laughing with her when I smiled at her I  think sometimes.  She should not have worried about that, I once read that the hymnen also can be damaged by horseriding for exemple. Probably she would have tought that each time she did not know what my smile went I came closer too her traumatic secret and maybe she was afraid I would discover it. CWChat her father had broken in her mind was much worse, she told me a bid of the story before we were married, but only 15 years later, in my arms, in the middle of a marriage crisis, howling like a wolf the the rest followed.  She did not knew what a ‘god’s gift’ she had in me, because it wasn’t a breaking point for me , I did not want to look for somebody else, aldough I then understood that I was a man also and a man had done ‘that’ to her from her early youth on.
    : it was indeed gone further than I thought with animal sensual pa.

     

    8.

     

    The extent of animal bronzes is perhaps genetically determined, but pedophilia wouldn't that rather have to do with life experiences? I could not in thos days understand the full picture of my life. When something is yet to painfull to understandpainful, you will not yet grisp the full meaning of it,  but you want to collect insights ... events and people too help you understand will come your way.

     

    Via our correspondence we decided that man still was not so suited to living together in a commune  and we chose in for building a house and really wishing children. She found me yet so special, I talked yet such a soft language, adapted to someone with her painful childhood memories ... it surprised her a man could also be different. We were stayed together for almost 15 years having a happy married life together. Three children were predicted and which we also got. I was hers for fifteen years, 15 years of fidelity, but apparently with the years less and less her psychologist with whom she could talk. That translated itself than in too the household by the nagging and often too much critique about my doings, though more and more, never was enough. I was not so much the problem, because I did my share of the household and was only one or two times a week for a few hours absent at the most to improve the world through politics. She still felt very guilty to the love triangle mother-father and she herself, built up earlier and had little defence against her mother’s  interference on their part. She felt to be inferior and suffering under the fact that she said that her father actually wanted no children ... that she   Spirituality speaking not many are not ment to be perhaps.

     

    But she also was proud of her identity, proud of her real white hair ... not dyed ... and furious if one attacked her in school about this. She was also ‘real’ that meant. While living with me, she lost her allergy and stopped biting her nails. I still wish her a bed in a place with a sea of tranquillity, as I wrote her earlier and want only to remember the good memories, dweling on on backgrounds that go too deep can make you sick. It's tough enough that I with my philosophical oriented brain the always have a comprehensive approach. Who can stand a sometimes over complicated person lik, I'll just say to myself to not completely plete myself free of our mariage break up. haha Moreover, it is not so much a question of guilt, but of deep human tragedies that can go back generations ... combined with emotional and social discontent. Not grieve and think ' why I wrote her such sweet things  or sacrificed  this or that’ , one has to go forward even if one is to face a number of different problems again.

     

    9

     

    Just as there are different types of climates, there are different types of relationships ... not everyone gets sometimes cyclones in his life ... and they always disapear.  Once you understand the patterns, you're already one step further, but there are a number of contacts and insights necessary before you're ready. Something at a certain point in one’s  evolution can only be like the possibilities at some point have to offer. Would you like to hit further you should for example first get rid of your illusions, you have to overcome all kinds of unnecessary ‘worrieng to much’ and ‘ginving in’s’.  Sometimes  women or men instead of an understanding ear nd tolerance and always wanting to understand their experiments, they seem instead to have a desire for authoritarian borders. If one has too much painfull memories and one cannot express oneself very easy, for example, one chooses for a clean page, an other person to live with ... often because one does not want to be confronted with one’s own roots.

     

    People can love each other both as ‘fight’ one another, but also if they do not stay together it will still take a while for the refinement of the process they have recognised. The love often gets stuck between rationality and heavy emotions. Everyone has its own tasks in confront others, even if those of contents mean’letting go’. In some cases, the more stable continues to help emotionally, in other cases that is hopeless and in still other cases both help each other, or finally one relises one in the first place has ones own.

     

    I noticed through my experiences soon that there is a link between unknown and unspoken things and all kind of behaviour in all sides of love life.

     

    Bit of block on one side, for seed that is not coming so fluently any more, for seed that is no longer so abundant fl (genetical wisdom ?)... until even nerves or muscles that are under too much pressure by something that should not be known, get stuck in a arm for example. Give each other some space, I say now but, after much experience. Do you really think that someone you are trying to live without, for reasons that you only will understand at the end of that process or much later; that keep on blaming that someone for breaking your relationship and leaving with someone else; will speed up that process ?  Even if the repoaches you make are pure innercommunication, they can slow you down…try to have a good feeling inside, but remain on your own course.

     

    We are here to learn why we have difficulties with each other ...but we have not learned to talk openly about this. What bothers us in the other, we can learn something from,  just don't give up to easily ... because the problems you cannot fix within a relationship ... come back in another form ... even under the form of a new ' passion '. Love seduces to lust as well as getting upset.  If you want to start talking with each other unpleasant things may come too the surface ... don’t start blaming yourselfs or others too much for them, stay calm ... but still calm and think things over and over again, what do they mean ? Or let go ... until you know why the cards are so and not otherwise. Do not think that it was all just for the money, the sex or a more goodlooking partner.  Of course, if you do not know for quite some time what you had better known…

     

    10

     

    for a part in order not to hurt or because he and she or he or she were still not confident enough of each other.     It is like everything that has to be done behind the back, hard. Honnesty is a skill that has nice fruits.

     

    But why not imagine, in such a situation, just introducing  each other? Learn yet to talk without emotional fear.      If not, then everything stays tricky to go through ... then in the living rooms and other rooms  there is tension building up.Should all that disturbing while discussing now really be necessary people? Your children can take over your fear.  Isn't it better that they know who it is they go find in once the bed of pa or ma? Why one learns in the school  no more about the difficulties during relationships ?

     

    People with violated father-or mother pictures, are often having  a harder task  to build a relationship, try to understand why.

     

    Do not start drinking because you've been so faithful always or your ideal image of marriage is gone.  One cannot stop if one dares to be open for it for a number of good reasons.  . Yet again. Yet again, do not start boozing  in such a period or do not go to a whore, because then all greedy and jealous dragons from your subconscious ground up and then one enters a game with pernicious, most suspicious ingredients.

     

    All in all, a bit of competition in love is good, but too much can cause wounds still long afterwards. Oh well, still a pity that too many people are unhappy and find life a tastless joke.  Try to see it like this: suffering can pass, does not need to continue, all sides come in their turn in the sunshine. People who are lucky enough to know their own real strength, can find, another much more special kind of sun inside them. If you can make your head completely empty, you do not so easily lose  with the ping-pong of life… and so it is with love, although you may be in love be not afraid to ' lose ', because then you're not strong enough on your own. The generation of World War II has unfortunately not enough love advice to pass on too the "transition generation ' that often got stuck in their search for more ‘freedom’.

     

    Husband and wife are friends and girlfriends or boyfriends or their partners  not enemies images see lieven ... and demanding a monogamous relationship surely has the most benefits.

     

    After analyzing your relational problems and reanalysing them again and again, anyway in a number of cases one starts sleeping apart if it turns out that to ' tolerate ' and ' analyse ' and talk and try and try over and over again, isn’t working.   In our case I said in the end of ' let him come and live with us’ ' no one here has to leave. The first fourteen days were not easy, but after a few weeks the ex just becomes as someone like your sister. Although it does help if you yourself find somebody else.  It was at that time that I made wall paintings in the attic.              The outside world thought maybe thought we had orgies, but nothing of that kind you know. Each living on one floor of the house. Each his kitchenette and shower. The lesson I wanted to teach my children there was one of tolerance and understanding. I didn't want them to start blaming their mother. I wish them that  they they will one day benefit from our approach. That they should understand that the unresolved feelings from their grandparents and even further back, still continue to be longing for solutions of their own in this generation. Sometimes I wonder, now I notice that they begin to have their own experiences in those things before marriage or living together, that they have gained already the wisdom they were looking for ... and that they would realise the importance of good appointments, and honesty. Now twenty years later dough, one thing is clear, non of them has started a family yet. So, maybe their parents are to blame, or the changed society, or as followers of Budha would say, we are not meant to start a family here on earth (loving children, I do not agree on thus Pal)

     

    After a year and a half or so I anyway went to town to start  living alone, to the city in order to be able to do to more political work as well ... and because the new couple would be more at ease in the house.

     

    Perhaps we had best continued living together as a classical family unity and given some freedom to each other as we had originally agreed between the two of us on a beautiful sunday once. The next twenty years of my life I experienced that that wasn’t as simple as it apeared as well.

     

    I would go and live for three years in the city with what was going to be my first LAT relationships ... and then three years somewhere just behind a forest ... I got more and more answers to the questions I asked myself.       In my case, what were the main driving forces in life ? After 3 or 4 years my ex and her new husband asked me to continue the education of my children and to come back too my previous, our previous house, experiencing some touble with the children. Did all thos things happen because he did not deserve to continue living with someone who maybe married him for the wrong reasons or because he still had to meet a number of people to understand the complete picture of life and love and society ?

     

    The LAT relationships

     

    -----------------------

     

    There followed a LAT-relationship with a nine-year younger weird girl, ' Houthemtje ', ' for many reasons she did not have a lover yet ... you have to be  just perfect these days, so to speak. The day she heard that I was heavily affected by a cold, she came on the bicycle twenty kilometres down the road toward me.

     

    I could make her laugh a lot and found out for the first time that there is blood involved in defloration. Gradually I discovered also that the way a woman reaches her orgasm can differ and not every woman is experiencing it in the same ways. Your fingertips (very important in the forplay) should not only

     

    12

     

    consciously do what they feel they can do ...maybe there are seven or seventy books for each kind of woman one could write in this matter.  You have to get  a woman so at ease that she also uses her own techniques in the phases towards her orgasm. For example, a woman with her leggs clamped on each other can produce a fair amount of electricity of the kind you sometimes when your wife is pregnant, even without sex ... If they in addition to you sleep and there is a kind of electricity going through her body.

     

     

     

    She loved me, but she also liked a bit too many of the gadgets of classical economics, like speculating with money on the sock market. . ' I would find it regrettable if this house reamined without children ', I (steralised)said to her, one day on the rare times that I was there ... She lived far away and for practical reasons, she came a few times after her work in my neighborhood, to me. We went even fruit picking in the countryside ... because she had farmers blood, lean and muscular as she was. Fun too in bed, such a decade less than yourself. I would, however, not want to be the cause of her childless existence and how much I did love her baked potatoes and the rest, I was looking for a life that she would not like to see. In addition, I had me spayed(steralised) ... what I regret for a very large piece ... because you do it from the perspective that one stays together all ones live with the entire family one founded with one’s wife.  We had three children and for a wife it was a week's Hospital, and for a man a day ... so I suggested it myself.

     

    One day I slept with someone else and wanted to invite her to my home. Because I did not want  to have secrets for anyone in love, I invited also Houthemtje, not that I wanted to sleep with both or so, but we could go out together maybe ?! She of course had an outbreak of rage and ran out ... I should have known better, if someone explained me already once ... but I have to have everything first encountered once. Sometimes it seems as if I come from another planet, where they  have a more  simple logic , here those things are still inappropriate.

     

    After a while Houthemtje had her own new friend, or an attempt to have one out of revenge maybe and she told me about it.  He was no great fun in bed, couldn’t have been because they were both kind of stiff in some approaches to one anotherless, but then she fell in love  with someone from another continent. She met him when she arrived on foot of her work to me because I had lent her bicycle to a student. She came late into the night and stood next to my bed naked, her body lit by the street light.

     

    That night we just slept ... When she came over a few days later and told me that she had done it with someone else that night, I could not believe my eyes when we started making love. Seemed like I had sex with someone else ! Since she had made love with her love from the Indian penisular she was on fire from the start and in coming she did not need much experienced finger-work. Was I some kind of go between between cultures ? She was pregnant from him from the first time they did it. I helped her with her descision not to have an abortion and I visited her parents to help her with the confrontation and afterwards with the delivery, since the father of her child had asked me to take care of it as long as he was in prison as an ilegal man without papers. When the couple was happily reunited, I moved back to a village instead of a town, and went to live in a forest.

     

    Willeke, the non-classical triangle

     

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    OH YES  love, part 2: Willeke, the non-classical triangle

     

    prelude

     

    There was once an ordinary working man who wanted to do politics.

     

    On a day he was fired, despite his work willingness

     

    He was so aware of the fact that no one has the right

     

    to put someone without work or income, that he intensified his

     

    search for the why of things like unemployment and war

     

    Many organizations had tried to ensure him

     

    that they represented his class. Finally, his awareness

     

    of the need for a new collective consciousness became so strong that

     

    He looked at all the world around him with different eyes.

     

    Against his doing he lived separeted from his wife and children who lived now with a new husband.

     

    A few years befor he, his ex and her new husband lived in the same house, although in separate areas. But that's a different story.When he moved from his village to town town he met Willeke.

     

     

     

    There was a married woman, southern type

     

    Other than the ex of our ordinary working man,Willeke,

     

    She was married and could share her husband and lover in freedom and openness.

     

    A new development arises one a day in her life :

     

    to what extent remains the challenge that life between two

     

    monogamous men brings ,with it a viable task when 1

     

    of her man meets a second wife?

     

    "Which social, biological, psychological, and

     

    philosophical factors influence the love life,

     

    of morepeople than admit it ? ",

     

    They both try to  remain themselves alongtheir life path.

     

    They work themselves

     

    through a mountain of academic material and explore the world of

     

    the intuitive, travel together and write art and follow culture expressions

     

    as well as taking care of their children

     

    and having a warm hart for friends and colleagues

     

     

     

    At a time when the band is so intimate, and there is not chosen

     

    for an experience only with two

     

    and with the best part in you

     

    things can no longer function without stress

     

    When should one break ties with less potent forms of consciousness?

     

    We are from our experiences now people who ate the forbidden fruit,

     

    Did we have to engage in the physical part of love ?

     

    still learning to which point one can share experiences ?

     

    otherwise one has to split one’s  identity ?

     

    Some of Willekes Writings
    ©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
     Some of Walker Writings

     

    ©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

     

    "As long as one overcharges oneself with all sorts of unnecessary things,

     

    tears will continue to flow "

     

    "Look this evening to the full moon and there will be light in your

     

    heart "

     

    "I wonder how tomorrowyou  will look like. As the wise man

     

    with the boyish fun eyes, as the mature man with a

     

    mysterious rest, or if the alert young man

     

    waiting for his moment (on a man in love with seductive eyes, I dare

     

    not speculate). How will you be? Watchful waiting or

     

    entrepreneurial? Tranquil or restless? Patient or firm?

     

    Sensitive or sarcastic? Open or closed?

     

    Accessible or distant? In surrender or in fear? I am

     

    Prepared for nothing. That makes no sense. I sleep and let

     

    digest as much as possible. Tomorrow morning, I hope you're having a

     

    to meet undescribed look?

     

    "Surging in bath, the dripping of the tap keeps me awake.

     

    Last night's words seep inside. Every pore wants

     

    be filled with heat and moisture. Your heart pumps blood by

     

    my veins. In mind I see you swimming under a full moon.

     

    Let me be your moon are in dark nights. Let me be the water

     

    that keeps you driving. Also let my heart send the lifeblood through your

     

    body. "

     

    "Thanks dear treasure for the warmth and strength of which I

     

    Iaffeyd tonight. Outside it is white and silent. So it is also

     

    in my heart ""The bigger my space, the greater my love, the more people

     

    I can achieve "

     

    "Suddenly there was chaos ... again. Shall we find peace in realising tha

     

    the deepest of depths, the pure, the

     

    wonderful feeling which we again and again desire,

     

    that once we know it it seems not reachable.

     

    When she knew another lady visited me on a given day :

     

    I wanted to get drunk, "first, start smoking again, maybe a

     

    seduce a man(that flatters the ego), making love until  ...

     

     ... basically ' putting meme to scramble, (while I am writing down I

     

    puke  already) confirm what one told me symbolically in

     

    earlier days: "you fall on everything that

     

    wares pants’, ‘you think you know something, but you believe

     

    only in fairy tales ' I felt an uncomfortable jealousy

     

    popping up. ' Ha no ', I sayd to myself ' there you will stay above '

     

    ' surely you're not 16 yet more ' and you know what you have with him

     

    it can not be taken over by the first the best

     

    But imagine she is  not the first  the best? So much to

     

    better for him and maybe you win yourself a girlfriend ,

     

    says entoesiaste a little voice in me. In any case, so it could go

     

    no longer ... just close our eyes and get in the zero point

     

    would not be bad. ' The silence that I taught you, the sum

     

    of all the secrets ' was in a book. I relaxed.

     

     But alas, what image is emerging before my eyes!(call

     

    It a 'dream of fear’' three people make love in your bed. You

     

    deliciously came in my mouth and I stroked with my lips

     

    along your thighs and your belly. But she drank of your eyes and enjoyed

     

    your stories and you stroked down my cheek, but kissed

     

    Yet her mouth. A knife of pain went through my heart. Under the

     

    pretext of urgent urination I disappeared by the

     

    door, you noticed disagree. The following image was that

     

    of her and me, at nightfall. I cried in her

     

    arms under a tree of your forest. And I apologised

     

    for the charge and she understood me ... and I knew you never would be mine again.

     

    And that caused  terrible pain ... " "The urge to

     

    callyou  was there again. Damn, what a misery!

     

    Than buteat "

     

    "I'd like to put in words something of the blissful feeling thatinhabits me"

     

    "To love in freedom, there should be no fear or

     

    vulnerability, no guilt or inner turmoil, no

     

    loneliness or no hunting for pleasure ... but I think how

     

    more tolerant you are ... the more you doubt "

     

    "Man chose as command to rising above the

     

    well-defined programming of the mineral, the plant and the animal.

     

    He chose as command ' free will ' But he

     

    overrated. Because is it not the case that he weather he must unlearn the wanting ?

     

     If we can’t be humble, we won’t riste up.

     

     Nothing is more beautiful and makes more happy than the experience of the

     

    small moments. "'.

     

    From the moment where new data and people are introduced in a relationship

     

     the relationship comes to an end in the capacity that it existed

     

     You should always choose, drop or begin again. "

     

    I'm here more likely to dream, then to work "

     

    “Stop your sarcasm. I try to maintain my own value, but I'm starting to doubt

     

    If you want to be helpful with this. For my part climb in

     

    a tree , stubborn, opinionated, pretentious little guy.

     

    PS After that last words I can smile back, but

     

    don't think I'm going to take back something of the

     

    previous.

     

    "I just hope she will be strong enough, that she realizes that next to

     

    your dearest sweet she also will be your study object, that  are not bitter

     

    hits, but what do I tell you, maybe she is a lot

     

    smarter than me, maybe I am as interesting as

     

    study object, because I dare give me as far as and are her

     

    assets anywhere else. By saying little you stay

     

    of course also interesting and you keep your self-esteem at least

     

    preserved”.

     

    "I sometimes have the impression that we use so much energy lately

     

    To show others the way, and that we ourselves turn in circles

     

    Must I first burn ships to before I can begin something new ?

     

    I also feel not strong enough and if I am strong is  enough

     

    leaving is the last thing I think of . I don't know if I can handle the

     

    thought that people will judge me as someone who

     

    leaves evrybody behind.

     

    "I can sometimes escape the impression that my lightness and

     

    ' well-being ' brings about fear in my area.

     

    Those who are on the lowest percent of feeling good

     

    appeal to someone with a higher percent to get out of his or her

     

    situation. Offer help should not

     

    be seen as a pupil/teacher something ... and has to do

     

    with sometimes very concrete things: together on a couch listening to

     

    the whistling of the birds ... "of course here are risks to

     

    connected. It may be that the lower percent goes

     

    desiring for always a carefree sit on the couch and stay even more in

     

    his/her self-pity and it may be that the higher

     

    percent in a kind of ' duty feeling’. It should also be

     

    possible to ' just ' feel good. Duty Feeling,

     

    sacrifice, guilt, all those words have to do with to

     

    few daring to say what you want.

     

    "A wise person has freedom of movement.

     

    I don't want to freeze, I want to flow like a River.

     

     

     

    "I love the space in which you live, the rest you always give.

     

     I love you untethered dealing with time. The patience

     

    that allows you to fight against injustice. I love your confidence in

     

    the force. The way you laugh with your eyes. I envy you

     

    Sometimes your freedom. The courage to take  unconditionally

     

    responsibility. I have never had  such ally.

     

    I am glad I came across you on my path.

     

    I would like to sya so much more, but all is not to be explained with words "

     

     

     

    "Day dear forest man, are you still there? I want some

     

    tell ...23 year ago I knew a man. He was very

     

    independent for his age, he had an endless trust.

     

    Everyone liked him, but no one could explain why. He

     

    was, after all, but a very ordinary boy. He was no orator

     

    and no adonis, no poet, no masher. He did not run

     

    with feelings for sale, he had few friends, was tremendously useful

     

    but somewhat shy with girls and he did like hisown thing.

     

     He was a Boulder in billiards. Someone ' discovered ' him

     

    When he had still to be ' polished '. That person knew that he

     

    a large would be on the Green bed sheet, just knew that.

     

    He had an eye for the potential that was in him: the power,

     

    will power, aggression, beheersdheid, perseverance. In Short

     

    He wanted to make him work and trained him with patience and faith.

     

    And he was rewarded. He was a big one. Glory days widely in the

     

    Billiards of the 1970s. Player and trainer (teacher)

     

    felt happy. During those nearly daily workouts

     

    or games played a small boy (the son of the cafekeeper). He was only 10 years and

     

    got easy applause, because what was there more endearing than

     

    a child that mimicked what something large people could?

     

    The public amused itself with the boy, held him for the

     

    crazy when they feld like it and had left him as a reward once already

     

    drinking a ' real ' pint. But the ' big ' don't laughed with

     

    him. He saw something in that Petite boy and he loved

     

    not all people who have to laugh with others to focus on the

     

    end of the evening, to be amused. There grew a real

     

    band. The child trusted him and he did confound this confidence

     

    not. Years expired. The ' big ' remained large and the small

     

    became larger. Until the day that he could teach him nothing more.

     

    The boy felt unconfortable  when he already won

     

    against his trainer ... the great was the instrument required

     

    was to help the other to develop his talent.

     

    He also learned much from him and put his own success into perspective and further

     

    develop patience, modesty ...

     

    I DON'T KNOW WHAT DROVE ME TO THIS THIS WAY TO TELL.

     

    I realize know that we can both be teacher and pupil at the same time. You have taught me a lot.

     

    I will probably startwriting ... can no longer keep it inside ... what I don't know yet

     

     

     

    Even though I had deepened ime now also in psychology, I kept also a working man who wanted to do politics. At times I accelerated further my search for the reasons of unemployment and war. I met many organizations that were doing the same , but more and more the world situation as a whole seemed to deteriorate: in the rich West achievements phased out and the situation in the rest of the world did not follow the gowth rate.  I designed my alternative programme for international elections. First elections to a program, then for the conductors thereof, not more on party lists, but on projectlists: social management, living, working, telecommunications ... in between I wrote pamphlets and poems and each literary expression that you can think of. The time was not ripe for classic do-gooders ... and there were only few interested ... stressed, manipulated and buried under emotional things as they were, I'll just write. Against this background, I met W. Her stories, the books she gave me, the poet that I made awake in her, relieved my loneliness. We went from one another, two years long, but in a platonic way. Had I not already a hundred times said in discussions, that I never would enter into another relationship in which one of the two was not free?  One shouldn’t do it, but the more you say it, the closer it comes it seemed, and not all lifelines have to be the same.

     

    We exchanged hundreds of letters and poems and essays and so. ... After our energy also in bed seemed to work ... was the magnetism between us simply no longer to hold. She misspoke herself probably unconsciously intentional and talked about me to her sympathetic husband and I chose not to meet her in secretl any more after that one time. Before I let ‘fall’ someone  I should have can go  through many obstacles and even a few promising new and easier relationships can wait then.

     

    Willeke was thus one of the few married women that could live her marriage and her lover in freedom, but it wasn’t easy for her, at times not for me neither. A lot of talking with her husband had to be done.

     

    14

     

    Actually, I was not the one who upseted their marriage, there was already one other marriage storm, but they had reached a balance again. Nothing is really everlasting and  an artist, already since young age she was atrracked to artists, came along. She was also by the way as her husband brought up in the tradition of that hard work would be the meaning of life.

     

    One day, however, she had in her life a new dilemma: to what extent remained the challenge that life between two monogamous men brings with it a viable task for the men and for her, especially after the period of revival of their marriage began to move in the other direction again ?

     

    What a social, biological, psychological and philosophical influences were and are the love life of more people than admit it, in the way? To understand this, we worked through our professions and our living our life next to a mountain academic material and came into the world of the intuitive and the philosophy. We were just not in a process in which we always encounter the same difficulties until we had overcome them?

     

    Her decision to stay with her children, I respected, even if I had to rais my own on my own.

     

    However, it was all not that easy and we both had the impression that we had setbacks, we who loved too intensive and were busy with all the aspects of life. In both of our families and our society increasingly stressed environment that would watch ordinary TVstuff or read narrow minded newspapers we enjoyed more selectively.

     

    If we had been somewhere to theater or film, our environment often got an oral report and an incentive to not too much being lived by the mass consumption. We felt capable to do many things and did not know always good what we had to to: open a philosophical school, help people with emotional problems, open an art centre ... etc ... ideas enough, but in practice we did that all in our neighbourhood and we had our hands more than full with the everyday stress of life. Fortunately we sometimes  escaped just to enjoy the both of us..

     

    Life constantly edited us and our texts. She certainly wrote a hundred beautiful poems, which I kept for her;

     

    Hopefully she publishes them one day. .... (* in the meantime on a blog)

     

     

     

    Hello, here is an image of the little wooden oasis on the forest where we meet each other two or three times a week:

     

     

     

    15

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    The wooden spaceship in the forest of hurry glass trees

     

    Here I found a kind of indescribable peace in my own. Here I could see the unity with the natural flavors and the rough which  has not yet developed to the mature conscious, could touch me less.

     

    Here between heaven and Earth,was a perfect place to study, bade in the sun and make love and write. Here was intens dreaming and analysing and walking took place.

     

    Here you could let your own mind waves taste the flavors of everything to be observed in life and what happend in the world was my guest for analysing.  This place seemed like a parabola antenna that passed things and received them.

     

    This place let so many plants, rays and birds exist. Here your own awakening goes on the vibration of the  rotating planets. To sleep here is knowing  that the bark of the trees in your dreams wil be more than real.      Toleave here and to come back again is somethimes knowing what your deams predicted..

     

    To awake here is sending the growing pains of people with challenges thatbecame problems sending back in too the air, purified. To be here is not always knowing that there are forms strong light that exist ...but you cannot see it always, to be here is to know that so-called death and so-called lifeis  one; one center point for who can feel it.

     

    Here life is also just in laying in a hammock as well as four times a year cleaning the nuisance of others their sewage.  Here life is to realize how much more energy one can release by not eating and drinking abundant.  To live here  is to know you can primarily live of love, water, plants and trees or shrubs-far eastern essences, fruit and cheese and occasionally some fish and so.  Here is everything in moderation, enjoy a glass of wine, a beer ... and the less sugar, the less you have to chug summers.

     

    To live here is aswell meeting  people with financial and emotional problems, which can also thereby feel the beauty here any more ... any more than some people without financial problems that sometimes can. Here life is the tyranny of private owners of electricity and other terrestrial telecomroads. (camping)

     

    To die here must be like a burning boat on the water  or a germ from which new life emerges. Here you can see what you're missing, if the fog in th morning floats between the forests. Here, the Sun is sometimes beyond its circle in fire if two people come out of the dark forest it walks in their midst.

     

    A certain bird flute here night and day ... until the day that too much of a nationalist in the caravan next to that particular tree came. With his playlist on the tearjerkers like ' don’t leave me now’,, I can't without you ' spoiling the sound of silence. My next door neighboor had better music.

     

    Here everything vibrates. Here, if your not strong enough also the genetic energy from the past, can reach you.

     

    Here is for the past is bright only for the strong part in you.  The now has a little future already. Here you can eliminate past and future in the now ... then all that exists focusses are in a center point. You are unmoveable, fixed point, you radiate through your eyes and spread  a kind of incomprehensible life energy.

     

    Those moments are unique and not constantly and you should always again by earthly suffering and understanding and enjoying always die a little and rise to get back in too radiation.

     

    Jet, a plant or animal you are no longer. Here one relieves onesself with the virtue that separates the old.  Here is breath connection with aura. Here bodies are mirrors of universal forces, each with a different face. Here all the Earth Chakra's open and all earthly is sucked  while the rest of the cosmic drops down. Here love is the seeing and feeling very thick and very nice aura, which makes years younger.

     

    Here you have to test yourself first befor you’ve  understood all this. Here you can be, so happy that you finally know you will again face other difficult challenges. Here you say thanks to nature, often for many a nice SECOND  ... for every particle of an hour. Here you could have lived with the art-woman of your life, but you did it always but for a while ... but that was life.

     

    Here you don’ t make things up, here a lot comes comes to you. Here you start  you work. Here music you rest and put some music sometimes, not to loud.

     

    Here is ' here ' and also not here.

     

    Here laugh often happens inside.

     

    Here hangs at night all that in the day not reached above  ... tomorrow it will again be shon on and you only have to pick it up ... If you reamain on your own vibrations  ... and not with you being pulled down by others. Here are remedies unnecessary, because banning your illusions and fears alone ... heals. Some emotions are sometimes illusions.

     

    Here hangs not much jealousy, greed, selfishness, pride, aggression and ignorance anymore, but their opposite, purified ... for now ... always provisional?

     

    The one who has not enherited peace of mind can come and learn how to conquer it here. You can at any moment with break with unrest break and chose differntly in which way to act.

     

    Calm waves will engulf you, like after a highlight. If the calm waves remain depends on how often you already were willing to dare enjoy and how often you take on without fear some suffering, that in the end will no more be yours any more.  Here's nothing chance, all a puzzle, which sometimes crackling but eventually most clear images, without puzzle borders.

     

    Here is little planned, it flows all back in too each other, every time the level in all relevant vessels reaches each other's average height.

     

    Here, a flower is a soul, somebody, a force with a different frequency and other effects than the Bush next to it.

     

    Here's a tree a power up, a delight that pulls your energy up.

     

    Here wood is something you love. Here one feels that the Green can enjoy days long in the rain.

     

    Here depends not on the gloom of many places elsewhere; When the weeks can be dark and cold.

     

    Here you dive with it all  and  you feel falling leaves as an equal mystery as all those types of blossoms.

     

    17

     

    Here you have a band with all slate-coloured trees  that can send the you new forces ... If you are open for it ... in all your vibres. Here tingle slightly from the bottom of sadness, little lights, from  whom? ... know of where they come and realize you no longer can understand in in a earthly rational way. Heaven got it’s logic as well. Here one must empty oneself in order to let the environment flow in you and out again. Here one does not chase flies or kill spiders and ants and muskitos that bite do not disturb…good for something maybe. Oh, here to love is always giving a bit, taking a distance and getting closer and receiving in order to let the heavenly sparks be born again.

     

     

     

    Oh ja, Love

     

     

     

     

     

    Willeke? About the two women in her.

     

    She rides not to her work, she travels too it.

     

    She lets enjoy  facial expressions and they enjoy hers.

     

    She talks patiently against the voices from the wires to her call center-ears.

     

    She can leave and leave something of her where you sleep peaceably of.

     

    She can look in a way that touching seems inevitable..

     

    She can see through dramas and provides answers.

     

    She frosts and is looking for the next episodes.

     

    She washes and is a blessing.

     

    She makes me a gentle poet ... I, armoured fighter against injustice.

     

    She has something incredible impossible with the world and with me.

     

     

     

    This poem for the child in her for which I give in every time has an end and that is in sight.

     

     

     

    My life you could and you can summarize by: ' the complex life of a simple man ', or vice versa. I want to my life to encourage all kinds of mind expansion. What interests me is where and how we all individually and collectivly come from. So there you have surely philosophy and history. It interests me what people know and what keeps them healthy. Her many stories around people and states they are in, have helped me in this. Certain books she gave me, she had not yet read or I have explained to her. I went there according to her, of course, always too far in ..and she had also did not  like that she recovered her books full of notes and additions, rather than in Virgin condition.

     

    She was fourteen in 1968 and smelled like black currant bushes. If you don't understand, think of how wonderful ' casis ' can be. She did not know what a clitoris was, but that she had one, that she felt though. The strange thing about that desire, was that it aswell came from deep as it reached for some invisible height as well.

     

    18

     

    There stood suddenly in the fruit auction an unknown boy for her, he seemed while loading a truck like a ladder to get out of that warm depth of her to rise above the ordinary.  It was our first meeting and we would meet each other only 24 years later. Anyway we exchanged that day, without knowing a look when I looked in her eyes in the auction canteen.  Meanwhile, was it the warm strawberries in my abdomen or hers that freed our smiles, those some things soft in us?

     

    Willeke was in the fantasy of the boys also called ' Willekker ', but they spoke  not wrong about her because they unconsciously knew there was more at stake with its deep heat ... There was something intangible, allows much faster transmissions, profound to stuck ... and they seemed both loosely connect with each other. She made the guys aware straight away for a piece of their unknown. She knew at once or one ' a bright ' was ... but she was a bit afraid of that ' bright '. which they felt.

     

    --------------------------------the text  from here downwards is not yet checked(traduced by a compu sys), normally I wright my own english------------------------

     

     

     

    She also spotted more quadratic, more serious guys, who radiated a lot more certainty where you could make ' State 'on ... rather cool than pleasant and warm. They still wanted somewhere to be hit try such a fierce. I walked in there so on that auction. I loaded there fruit of the region for Germany. I knew what words like clitoris and so meant. From those guys with their porn booklets of course, not from the teacher's religion or this or that at the time.You could clearly  the large and small lips and venus mountain. Although the lack of practical experience in this regard let me to doubt. There flowed early a horny oily fluid from my cock ‘s head already, certainly at the sight of those booklets .

     

     

     

    So twenty-four years after that encounter in the auction, I found her again, on my new work then.

     

    I divorced and dreaming of an exotic lady permanently attached to my side, rather than Living Apart Together-system with Houthemtje who had to look at someone else in her life now anyway.                                             Those days with Willeke 24 years later than, two years of just now and then what colleagues do.Even if our seventh heaven ever droped us we figured  out what bothered us.We called our love sometimes, ' essential ' love, so unreal beautiful she could.

     

    Love Is not a law such as gravity ?  Love is a law that on thousands of ways teaches trial and error. If your are slave of too much negative emotions, and you want too much of it or you want to give to much of it, then your inner peace gets unbalanced.

     

    There was a time when we named our love encounters, in between the wooden walls to the forest, the blessed year 1994, ten years back.

     

    -Falling star I, which had caught the little bee in the room earlier, was now naked and held my dearest in the middle of all dimmensions  so soft, that she melted with the things from the forest around us. Willeke loved what she and I during our walks in the forest had seen and talked about strange or funny annecdots . We committed love not readily to the finish, but our energy waves eroded each other off and interfered on the same and different wavelengths ...  that the things of the day we wanted to say came yet without searching and forgetting.

     

    Unrepeatable, unrememberable words, were thus taken off the air and picked out each other's common  spirit. These moments again seemed current eternal moments offered to tem a sea, a Bliss.

     

    Maybe this came also called by what she wrote about the ' shooting stars '. About the how and the why you should, however, not going to do scientific at  such a moments. 24/10/94

     

    -Deep Purple ... we played each other while undressing. If you believe in the eternal, you can caress each other with looks. ' Sweet-child-in-time ', sweet child at a good time  ', non-aggressive, huge powerful tones and their instrumental orgasm coincided with ours. Two people and who knows how many angels, adept love during hours of seconds, which between us in were made. 27/10/94

     

    Personality versus soul vegetarian dinner party first as a hell of a spectacle, what mixed emotions and feelings her personality  wanted to regain her spirit ... but it only works the other way around. Tension within 20

     

    I had to have as much patience with my words like as with my fingers, when her her mind was overloaded.      She said some brilliant things about the honesty of what people can feel for each other. (4/11/94)

     

    -Love with every part of your body.  In a triangle where you as men don’t send nasty feelings,  this does not disrupt telepathically-except if the woman gets shorter to the new guy. At such moments the original man who can get no more with his wives  as a Heron on a dead tree in the Sahel ... I can imagine.(7/11-8/11)

     

    -A rainy november day Nothing cold, nothing warm outside. We talked during eating ' ' on the origin of the natural love oil. The ride through the forest adapted our magnetic fields to each other ... of too much to a too little ... who was it too little this time? To stick ones hand just between her or his legs  and your voice and the rest, strengthens the energy level on  those good moments. We do not take old or weak energy  inside.  Sometimes it seems like we have a perfect triangle, sometimes there is still much to be eliminated. Sometimes she meassures my energy one last time, to know if she is not ' used ', without a strong superhuman desire behind it. We went inside and the desire for one another burned down in an aura of warm autumn colours that we constantly exchanged with each other. Then it was 14 hours, we came back outside to 2330. The seconds in between were not a dream, but a reality of another matter, a very slight matter. The time flew away from us and left us behind so that we each had to explore energy in each of our cells. That energy was not the same any more at midnight. A very special something, that space that we shared, filled (not the room but our ' space ' that we had built up in those hours), that space made us to one soul. The distinction will still have felt our spiritual world. Where did the energy we built up to it ... for what was they used?

     

    To our sexcells who have to share they share and then split again ... or to the space? What was that energy, even more than the place where who knows what end of each new beginning of who knows who met who? This energy was the fruit of all pronounced words, sentences, and stories from the past that were looking to the future, a fruit under the purple light of the sheets, which we used as a tent ...Now ... to meet. It seemed as if there were magnetic fields from outside us, witch synchronised with our love. Suppose that in anti-matter, which consists of a hugh intensity, density of light; exists  an energy of  light, which is symmetrical to ours ... and imagine that we achieve such energy from within the centre of our being; in doing so, do we get closer together and then dwell ... in a kind of ' zone of conception of ideas or people '? Such a moment, is it not the time not the time when the spiritual world of a woman subconsciously decides to invite  ‘someone’ genetically in ?  If you do not find the door to the the heart of a woman is not only finds, you will stay trapped in obsession. Not everything is to explain as drift and voluptuousness, certainly not for people who are looking for more ... to matter and light ... to light matter. A joke or a smile are for example already light matter.

     

    In love you should take the time to experience ... and let the good memories in in time ... the first touch on my arm, the first kiss, the greater desire of the larger tongue against the smaller, a tension to hold or take away stress in a body part ... so you learn slowly when life in small things, can be great. When she is gone, gone again is  that day, I saw her still on my legs; responding to my question: "what do you think that the true meaning of life is Madam"? She then became very soft and from somewhere very deep she replied without fear and with very much love in her voice and eyes, while the music of Moricone played: "you will never know the true meaning befor you experience it". Oh, how I love this woman! Ones cells can burn after her visit.

     

    14/11-15/11

     

    -I Never got her that soft ... and never did she engulf my cells with her too much. Probably my organism with that overflow has made a special ‘elexiertje’ (liquor). These moments were completely wordless, even at the orgasms, the volume button on ' si lent ', ' silent ', ' st ill '. The expected acceleration of the sounds were added togeter in a second orgasm. My musical notes this time were rather jerkily, as too much of a desire and a sense of loss that I it had been been more difficult over the past few days to sublimate a number of things and therefore I was a less good singer today. ' Sublimate ', a beautiful word: desire and lust without emotions in a mess; convert it into energy which next time you can discharge heavenly way with all humans and animals mating sounds. How is it possible that all your cells than can glow so after that love was fully embraced? You come in a state where you no longer ask and think, but of a kind of chemical burn.

     

    That night I received another late-evening visit. It was the first and only time she came back one more time that same day. The meeting of our energy still hung in the wooden area and brought us again very briefly at each other and led to intense touches of lower abdomen to abdomen and to magical orgasms.

     

    After the soundless and spasmodic orgasms from this morning, I hunted now bewildering, higher and higher sounds of a heavenly power and my seed galloping in and to join her body.

     

    I lifted my head as high as a horse in the space and tried to snif the discharged energy particles back from space. I was breathing and I was air.

     

    28/11/94

     

    -Mirorday I woke up, stretched out my back like a lion and saw her loving Elfish eyes that rayed in too the bedroom. She laughed very promising and quickly went for a female pee. I was satisfied that she still had not noticed the mirrors that I had installed the night before. Above and left and right of the bed, the mirors  glistened at me. I came out of bed to avoid she would see the mirrors to soon. This had really to become an unforgetable

     

    22

     

    dimensional surprise. The third dimmension, the aura that one makes together. I blindfolded her and left her on our love nest. When I took of the blindfold, in every corner of the room we viewed each other, there in our wooden cottage in the forest. We touched each other and our friends in the mirrors. In certain circumstances it is something quite a bit to get used to yourself and the varying orientations of glow in your eyes. I told ...

     

    I told her about the dreams that I had and the book I would write and as very often she replied me like the sweetest Princess.

     

    Why does one need half a  life to come to such a stage of intuitive life, I wondered?

     

    Then there was the image of her sometimes admiring spouse who looked fine, but his image went over into that of a suffering man. About images that you can see in other writings, however, more. I asked that she  would tell him that whatever the old laws between man and wife also expect of him, that in everything he does and thinks and feels, he should believe in himself, and that he is a living representative of a new attitude in a man to be admired. Forbidden fruits do not need to be not dangerous and harmful all the time, they can, but ...  When all persons concerned can continue to express themselves and do not get stuck in self-pity stuations. Maybe she would not to tell him that, but I  maybe signalled it telepathically  at the same time.

     

    She came and I ... then stopped ... because there was too much energy in my head that was not actually pure mine. I was not close enough on her vibration because too much information about someone else and because there are still too many  in my head because the book I finished reading earlier. I wanted to wait on other images and energies, before I continued loving’ my girl’.  Yet there was a requirement not to save my sex waves, but to express ... without it my still impure vibrations would stay ... that's why I left her womb earlier and let my desire float through her hands as a way of exit.

     

    We had better go hiking in the forest that day first, then the trees would have pulled our forces right to heaven. Now we did this after and we had deep conversations about feelings from the past, the present and the future. How young and old around us felt about themselves also. About the hide and seek play that people do to each other ... because they are afraid of themselves or others or of losing their belongings or their ' name '. About women who lose their self-confidence because they think they are not attractive enough more. But ' this lady ', here now again temporarily with me, will not let her freeze in such illussions, because she knows that there is so much more in life.  This lady ' was sometimes all women for me 1/12/94

     

     

     

    -Such a day on which you totally love the blessed year 1994 a year of powerful growth to the very identity of each of us, spreading it’s blessings.  The old, inhibiting power of visions of others and yourself, should not remain in your body ... certainly not in a love triangle. That's really where a good diet starts with. With by  love regained peace in your own. While we were still in the car, the desire for each other was so great that we skipped our walking in the forest –ouverture.  "Let's this sentiment, this time, not let it slip away, "she said, while I was           23

     

    convinced that it would at any moment one could desire, it could to come back. First we let our animated bodies play their passionate language. The mine was convinced that real love can make you ' open ' in a variety of ways. If you  are ‘open’ you no longer will fight  useless battles ... but observe yourself  and let the things sometimes come to your encounter befor you counter them.

     

    Wiht which guilty feelings one you tries to to load you up ...The HEART IS NOT a BEAST of BURDEN for THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS ... try not to get to paralyzed by others , maintain your actual self.                          We drove out the dark clouds that some of our educators had put in our heads and  talked freely about possible seductive moments in the future, which perhaps had their roots in this day. The mirrors showed two living sculptures, penetrated, soaked in  lust and love, free of charges.

     

    The Sun disappeared so quickly that  time again ceased to exist. Just as it seemed there was a problem with her lovehill.  But there was no real problem.

     

    It was only her body that expressed that it wanted to be in better condition. Or maybe it was the energy of my possible ' other woman'-test that had sliped in her mind and ' clitjes '  have a whole different way of thinking  and feeling and they don’t like our rational traps.

     

    If you then wonder why they lost their passion, you're absurd. Or actually not, because in such situations we learn from them.

     

    After the explosion of the blockages,(see, I told you so), we left the love nest and we cooked up a vegetarian meal, and we took a glass of wine. (got from the dolphine woman)

     

    One time she seemed  to have very very need of tears , superfluous weight and thoughts that wanedt to leave her ... a process that we all know, but one of which we do not always appreciate the function.  Back in bed we laughed with a particular book and we worked ourselves partly individually, partly through a world where we could feel the energy of our bodies and our fantasy worlds clearly.  The two at the same time was also possible, as it turned out. What she could do with the last part of my backbone ! When she looks at my forehead with her fingers, she really opens an unprecedented ' dimmension ' in me ... or when she licks my nipples and lower ... I lose myself in the cosmos. The way in which she loves my lower antenna ... defies all dreams. 5/12/94

     

    -The day I walked through the forest with her on my shoulders

     

    We collected some water at the source. I took a shower, meanwhile she showered in the Sun. The glow she brings me, goes through soul and body and sometimes it seems to me as if she fails,to share this with her husband. Some moments she becomes the rays she sends.                                                                                   24

     

    I never talked with her breasts like today, I freed them while she was sitting in the seat in front of the sun.

     

     After the tenderness and the kisses we went to bed and darkened the room a little. I dressed her out and while we were standing we made wonderfully convinced finger and lip and mouth and skin music. Sometimes with one hand along behind, while the other constantly challenged the energy from the wet pussy. I lowered myself and my mouth again and looking for the treasure between her legs. When we finally touched the bed, I hit my arms around the fruit bowl that was her pelvis(bekken) was and went on with nibling and tasting and sucking and so much more, indescribable good-doing,  that she also did with me.

     

    At one point we felt each other's being so entwined that I threw her legs up in the air and slightly jumpte up and down, while I kept her fruit bowl  in a grip.  So we reached a top and the  under-conscious  part of our orgasm, of which I literally felt it blew air through my blood and whole body. The accompanying sounds in the ether, therefore came from very far away. At such moments a loveshymmne of breaths varying from moment to moment.       While that dream of mine played with my very smooth, healthy boy and I teased her pusy.  While I had a beautifull panorama on her rich nature, I said that such a clitie seemed like a small dickie.  Her appreciation washed over me and when I put ' him ' back I felt her tension escalating  in a great depth.  While stroking each other's soul, while we effortlessly came upwith  words, it all made life back to something sacred ... and you know what that means ' Holy ' healing ... health. People who are attracked too each other, but who are afraid of contact because of to much fear, their hair should begin their to curl and get a strange colour, so that they would recognize each other and they won’t have to play hide and seek unnecessarily. You feel after all best with whom you can be open and with whom something can grow. 12/12/94

     

    -The day that my car had flat tire

     

    Is a repressed sensuality is  the real reason of melancholy? We are asking  it ourselves  sometimes when we see and feel many personal and relational suffering around us.

     

    It's already bad enough that world politics creates such suffering, some of us do to each other and themselves added to it.

     

    In the morning I still shouted out some criesof someone with repressed needs and she came ready with the convenience of a young girl who jumps over puddles. I was far removed from the one that she saw ... like a bird high above a canyon, looking at a flow of thoughts  of which I possessed none over.

     

    The rest of the day I was in very good mood ... and in the evening I discovered again how welcome she can make me feel . 22/12/94

     

    -She folded her clothes so strictly that time

     

    Sometimes when she's leaving him, it is a little too hard for him who I wanted to dedicate a book today.          25 Sometimes she has that special light heat in her eyes. I can image scenes at her place. Then there follow words such as " must you really keep doing this" for he sees them leave and then she takes a bit of him to me. I like to lie in bed with her and talking to her in order to grasp together that sometimes exactly eternal moments of our growth. Today “she kept it for me "she said about the power of that ignited in her body.. After a while I moved several times standing up and let myself relax but bouncing with her in my hands while my breath and cries and whispers were not stiff or like a cat in the wood, but rather a catch up of lost, not sublimated needs… .               We tasted the homemade jam from her garden and discussed a book. 27/12//94

     

    -Rezinneke and the small hole in my slip

     

    Observing someone after you haven’t seen her in two days, gives a bit of an amazing picture, if you don’t encounter the same vibrations of two days ago any more.  Everyone's energy changes, of course, always but missing someone plays a large role ans inequal levels of energy do. One can lose a part of his or hers energy, drained away to moaners of all kind. . However, we grew further through the day on our work, while we  commented on questions of colleagues. What I haven’t invented to get some life in that brewery the world is.

     

    During lunch words  were no longer needed. My love taster naturally, put his head through the slipgat and began his love-oil dripping.  Her unstoppable desire was so unlimited like mine ... like a mother of two a table further could observe. It was a pity that we had to work a few hours, because my love oil ran through the hole of my slip along my leg down.

     

    After work a little thread of my slip clamp in the lips of my pecker. While I drove, she opened my fly and tried to save him from his plight. Her tongue brought us all in heaven who waited on us, a sky that would last from 1600 hours till 0200 in the morning. It did not stop raining that day.

     

    When we arrived we did not manage to step out ... not because it was raining, but because the UNO car was completely filled with a love aura that later also filled my wooden spaceship, took possession of us.                  Why is it always so difficult when you want to write about something two days later?

     

    The acts and images are still more or less present, ' accessible ' ... but the words that provoked laughter or enlightened those philosophical thoughts ... or the words, that pure poetry,… not stick. Maybe because you're not all days together or maybe because this should be to nurture a love of that depth if you want ... but I don't believe in ...Maybe to the next days experience intensity. Maybe because there is so much all day and so many questions going through your head. Do we have to ask all the questions and get all the answers we want or need to know?

     

    26

     

    Would she ever come and live with me for example?

     

    A married woman with children and a husband or a lover should be free to choose where they are letting themselves settle down.. You should not make demands or going to start blackmailing ... it wouldn’t help any way.

     

    Love is a beautiful something when every cell of your body feels each other's inner feelings and understands. Then an energy is released which is food like eating and drinking  and dreaming…it gives rest. Love can create an aura full of known and unknown presences of energies around people.

     

    Every time I come in her ' world from below ', oh I love sitting there anyway sometimes so nice long, her womb sucking and forcing to suck in, and giving off ... every time she take me and I her if I hair, seems to us the first time, we explore each other's mountains and valleys for more life. Never learnt about those things in school.

     

    What should I do with a woman who sometimes forgets the words we spoke then? If I what I feel and experience with her was to describe in detail, I'd remove something of that delicious down between us. Three days after this meeting and on this morning of the first of January, I still heard the deep sexual and other desires in her throat. This afternoon we will visit our families ... and tomorrow we gather with comrades from work  to celebrate the new year. I will tell you how this last, although fun, expired: overwalmd with smoke and decibels and impressions of others under alcohol , was not a sound basis for ruffle our intïutieve encounters and intense way of sex. You can in such a case, best wait. 27/12/94

     

    -Her black dress although she looked sweet in it, her black doily, we could not relax ourselves to get over our stage of feeling. Even licking was not as really sensed. I stood on the border of coming. At times you have so many heavy weight of others in your aura that  their energy slows you down . Who is is actually excited by who and on what we telephatische intersections or crossroads are we at times? The calm and the depth of our consciousness came back after a time. The way up was open again.

     

    The sea inside me, was one without waves ... I could again look deeply to the woman before me. No other telepathic interaction between her and me then there seemed to be those moments. Willeke was at such a point of indifferent balance ... without contradictions. Till her face came full of desire again ... from where?

     

    Sometimes love seems to have the effect of an ecological unblocker and does love ' clogging ' disappear. As in the morning you can have your brightest moments in bed , but first analysing the unresolved misery of the energy of certain people from the day before (after analysing it leaves) ... at least if it’s not you yourself who is the problem.

     

    27

     

    Some people actually mean good but do not understand what's in their minds, they have no overview on their lives and in many ways are required to limit their inner and outer's development. They fool themselves with too much food and spirits or smoke, old plants instead of fresh things. They do not know how delicious and enjoyable they could be if they could remove the contradictions in their heads and itself more with  social and philosophical bases and  intakes. Does he who knows she is with me know why she is with me ? Perhaps because of the waiving of others which in turn by others refrain. 2/1/95

     

    -Snow, nothing but snow

     

    Snow fell out of the sky as we had  long-dreamed ahead. If she had followed her own will and heart, we had for the first time be able to sleep a full night together Her husband made an attempt to give us something  by calling, but the tape recorder did not went that far as until he had finished his actual message. Can one woman and two men have so much? The more questions that I asked, the more answers I would get. 5/1//95

     

    Fill each other's cells-She sometimes fills all of my cells with what I need. Looking at the way she admits herself to exist is my greatest pleasure. There is no point to explain this to someone else. I can make her  feel her very own energy, because she als ‘wears’  other forces and concerns than her own. She is a Princess, lost in a story that she herself doesn't understand. You melt in her skin while she gives you her fruits such as a tree does. She is more capable than you think. She also drinsk me sometimes. She leavesfor her family members, who all now  that we love each other and she tries to bend the negative old thinking into openes, but t mostlyshe  bypasses this negative because she gets so tired of it. She was not yet facing a situation such as those occurring for her husband ... Should she be terrified for this, if he also had a lover ? ... she  expected it maybe for years after the first slipper, but he remains mono ... as I also provisionally. Aren’t  partners are not always afraid that once they have had someone else and their ' fixed ' partner knows that, that he or she is going to do the same and they are therefore always becoming a little or a lot looking to counter the pain thereof in advance with another ?

     

    We can know support short-sighted people not as easy as we would wish. Short-sighted are the people who do not like living a lot. Those  people  maybe say we talk like fools. 13/1/95

     

    -Intense love and stories  A full moon, two young people of nearly forty, and lying in each other's arms, discover the eternal youth of their bodies while they undress each other. They allow each other  to sleep and assume passion will be awake. But look, what really happened? I slowly slipped inside, she hoisted me on board, to the rhythm of an eternal moment eye contact, I was moving slow on the movements of the host dancing with her lower body. I went deep to where everything always starts. I went almost all the way out, pushed her a little up and images of new life came into my head. The fury of a thousand linxen chased through my body and ran from my back by my head and thus possibly weather the in too the cosmos  ...forever emitted to stand with other mixing forces. She kept me a while lovingly inside. I told her so much fantasizing about her and a thousand years ago in the form of when she lived as one of our ancestors . I, the Hunter, who then met her and denied her feminine traits and she getting more and more control overmy life. Like when that day that the cavemen neighbour discovered the fire and she did not need my warm animal skins no longer.  Perhaps then I invented the pen for her, master of computer, ‘thousand years ago, haha.

     

    16/1/95

     

    -Soup in the village with the onion Tower

     

    The door was opened by the Lady of the House ... which welcomed me at the same time, impulsive and tender. She was working in the kitchen. As a princess she puts a lot of affection in her soup next to the  affection she shows for her children and friends for her husband etc. She had helped her husband years earlier a lot in the horticulture, but those times were over. I was wondering about the alphabetical order of the Bach Flowers  ... what a wonderful English names too ... and her full bookcase  above her. Amidst all this she touched me as you touch someone you really like to have. I ate her soup and knew that at her place with her alone, no other kind of lovemaking would take place. Maybe she she was afraid of breaking an important ritual for her husband.

     

    I enjoyed her soup and later on the day she was my guide on the sunny outside.

     

    Once back in the forest,  my chalet lay in the rush autumnal Sun of January. The cold air was in our lungs, but the heat within seduced us in the direction of the seat in the winter sun. A winter sun that burned through the window. It's amazing how some people find inner and outer composure when they sign in for each other. Her pores were open and her lips as young as in her youth. I showed her handsome sisters bathing in sunlight and all I mentioned to them, I also thought: they must be aware of their own chest souls that day, to see her nipples and nipple fields ... what a  harvest.  Hills swollen waiting until I got to the turrets sucked. Then I made her her nek explode 'somewhere she could not resist and stand the effects of banter of my mouth anymore. We moved to bed and just kept exchanging energy. Her lady was stiff and as soon as she started her own finger game for a change;  the sun burned in the room and reflected her light on our body, almost as bright as you can imagine bright. Sharp sunlight between trees for example.                                     29

     

    I wish I had that show from that world on the other side of the cumshot could understand. The language of orgasms reminds me of a kind of secret messages of a life form that you are leaving. The love really businesses is a something that you only good if you can about the things Marvel can. A fusion of poetry, love and light and loving bodies, does time disappear 19/1/95

     

    -The moments after that good discussion with three

     

    He was too ill to calm down that day with his wife. I saw the sadness in his eyes, but I know by experience that each must overcome the sorrow in his own. Neither she, yet I, see ' him ' as ' too much ' or ' too little ' this or that ...he is his perfect ' him ', as everyone with his own imperfections, perfect its own.

     

    As a man who should be praised for its tolerance. We hope sometimes that he gets more confident and finds someone else. He  actually learns to get rid of things which in another time era and a few generations might be found normal.  A childhood experience with three(he and a married couple) in bed, predicted him his future already.

     

    That he may find his inner contact back in any case, because his condition weighs not only on him. He is the powerful worker who admired by his family and with which they could stand on their own two feet . One should learn to speak not only with ones parents and not only about practical things. For example, her parents knew nothing of she and me ...  nine years long. We went in the evening, to have a drink  with her in the middle ... it became clear to us that a wife and her man, in a specific period really only are intended for each other ... as the third does an input with a different kind of symmetry or symphony. It’s not more difficult than recognizing false notes in a piece of music actually. After the profound and playful, the mix of a new kind of overwhelming excitement, but also female reluctance when he in turn as someone who came, a bit suffering like.  First the next day in the evening, after a pleasant breakfast  we realized that it might be best not to be repeated. She showed me some nature photos as if she represented represented nature still not enough. "The biggest surprise of the (Ardennes) forest is the encounter with yourself", stood on one of the pictures. Perhaps we should have continued meeting each other at their place like this or maybe she did not have to isolate hersel from himmust the months thereafter. I can understand that in many triangles with not a word about those things is mentioned.To love her  is sometimes a whole tour de force if the influence from at her home pull her  under her energy.

     

    In the other case when she’s with me, she feels no tension.  On difficult moments grow above myself  when I  begin to stroke her. I always wonder where I always find the words in bed.

     

    And why I forget those words again when she's gone ... even if I begin writing directly after.  It's a bit like with humor ... fleeting.

     

    30

     

    Why should we harm someone  by loving illegitimately ? Because that is passed on for centuries? Because we are afraid of? A love you always come against in the form where you need it. I never wanted to divorce, but the questions I asked me when my first relation came to an end could only be solved by this kind of relationship.

     

    The things you ask yourself, amid suffering  later in practice ,the answers come. A love grows even outside the unit structure that marriage is and should and must be, also via triangles. Such love is constantly growing to more awareness that you belong to each other ... or ... to the realization that someone has to drop out.

     

    ' They ' tell us a lot. That we should be competitive and should work harder and harder every day as fools. They tell us that the Stat is neutral and trade unions our only hope and form of protection ... and that we have to stay together to death. In fact, people and structures are all vehicles to something else ... If the engine explodes on the road. ...

     

    -Commentaries

     

    I could continue with hundreds of pages telling the story of my love and me, day after day for ten years.Impossible retracing the contents of the long conversations with or without phone. Impossible from our travesl later to review hear in detail all our letters and poems or birthday cards or written or on prints. I'll go on tell anyone writing on the bases of what comes in too my head.

     

    The whole story was actually already fixed in my youth when I was allowed to choose a painting school to write an essay about.  I chose ' déjeuner sur l'herbe '. Who could have guessed that such a painting, of two men and a woman, painted on a picnic, could manifest themselves in my life. Then later that movie with Willeke Vanamelroy about that love triangle, which I also remember lfrom long before when I knew my Willeke.

     

    My Willeke, so southern-European in appearance as in a novel I once read. One day certin the things you remember come together as if they were all in advance planned by your subconscious mind or by  the interaction witch the spiritual world  provides.

     

    She told me once that a butterfly kisses a flower softer coast than a bee.

     

    She calls bean soup ' boenesoep '.

     

     

     

    It was then February kil, but there was already something of a February Sun above the other side of the forest. They had a lot of missing each other and on the home front a lot was not digested by him. Sex that only has to do with habit willnot last. If the love has to do with communication and feeling more passion for each other someone disapears out the triangle. To ga and sleep apart, after the revival the triangle procures the marital situation in the beginning for a few months, is obviousness to people having experienced those things.

     

    The on other grounds based relationship that she had with me, threatened to go down otherwise.

     

    Guilt and lack of self-esteem, something that can be contagious, she took it from there and if I could convert it not alwys ... I started to find myself guilty as well on the long term. If only adults could maintain that cheerful unconscious way in which children exist. By keeping yourself ' light ' you keep coming not only shorter in your own being ... you also make many positive evolutions in your surroundings possible. People suddenly do what they think they can not all of a sudden. If they strike up a conflict for example. Everyone ' sacrifices ' something for the progress of others. If you have someone really sweet and you can detach, you suck him or her even more in your direction. Related souls understand that, they know that love is a special kind of energy.

     

    From love liking to drink water one can live almost a whole day , only in the afternoon your belly starts to protest from your inner discontentement.  Living like a love couple, day in and day out, lay not on our road. On the duration you start  desiring for that kind of life, with or without those you enchanted. Would the enchantment disappear if there happend to be someone else in my life ? I was getting less and less in my energy now also because I had the parental responsibility for my children again? Would our relation move towardsanother side, what was happening with our  incredible band?

      (a few hundred pages not put in too English still miss here)

    I tried to make clear too Willeke how I felt about it by writing a mini novel. 

     

     

     

    novel for the red man

     

    Sitt had a name who could count. ' Silent in Times of Trouble '. He grew up in ‘a reserve for end-of-life ' in the United States raised as an  Indians, as he called himself and his fellow sufferers.

     

    One day when he was sitting under a tree in front of him he met a white tourist from a small European country. She had not seen him first sitting in his blue jeansuit.

     

    "Hello, I'm Sitt and I sit", as he proposed himself to her. "Hey, my name is Sophie", she had said.

     

    "And have you found many wisdoms Sophie"? The question of this man with his red skin and his strong black hair ,some gray, was a kind of surprise as the first palpable movement of a child in the womb is one.

     

    "I believe so", she had said. He had looked at her amused ... that older white woman with no gray hair. To her question what his name meant, he had replied that he might be related with the genes of Sitting Bull, but that he was not such a warrior in his daily life: "my name means as much as ' he who keeps his mouth as others quarell with each other. I'm also a leaf of the tree where Sitting Bull came from, but I do not fight in his way. Times have changed ...; There are different forms of fights that are fought,

     

     

     

    I only speak with people after they have fought a battle once again. What fight do you have behind the back "? The gestures with which he had accompanied his words, had invited her to join him on the old tree stump under the new tree.

     

    "My fight is not yet over," she said. "Recurring periods of rest and unrest have made me a refugee. I have difficulties coping with daily life, that’s why from time to time I travel and look for new impressions. In my daily life every day,I am  a refugee in search of his daily OASIS ".

     

    "From what do you run away", had asked Sitt. "You know," Sophie had said; "How should I explain that you now"? ' Strange how directly one  feels in the company of certain people ', she had thought after he had come back with an answer: "for you to interpret anything, you have to understand the events in your life right ... at the same time you will observe them otherwise as when they actualy happened and shortly afterwards.

     

    You do not need to tell me those events even, they don't have much importance any more and don’t start chewing and rechewing them again and again. Try just to go on living your life and try to find in any way yourself again and find out if you are walking in circles and especially if you still have the strength to step out those circles. Perhaps tit isn’t so simpel getting out of your ‘wheel’ ".

     

    "If you get up in the morning, in a symbolic way, you  begin your day with a number of plans and intentions. Some days everything works pretty nice, other days in the evening, not much about these plans got executed as mental fatigue drives you in your spiritual cage back again to have a good sleep.

     

    Sometimes in the middle of the night or even when you’re not asleep, events or words that were spoken get a whole different meaning than when you observed them ... and then you start to make other plans for the next day ... and everything threatens to start over again.

     

    Those around you often sit in other realms than those of yourself and give you not only impulses,

     

    but you can also tire you.  We are all caught in rules and laws which we see as best as possible to muddle through. On the duration after all the damage suffered to remain healthy the art is to know what your mind is trying to make you clear. In what ways your mind does that is sometimes obvious, sometimes a big confusing mystery which one rarely understands ". "I know that Sitt, but continue".

     

    "Everyone is an electrical resistance through which many private  and energy of others flows.

     

    The people with the slightest resistance take the most of their environment, making them look more affected or enjoy than others. They do need a balance, indifferent balance , that keeps them in their own energy ... only then can they support the streams of others ".

     

    33

     

    "Maybe we are an atomic anti-matter combustion process that sends atoms with high light quality in the ether. The less suffering, the better the atmosphere in which we live.

     

    This chemical and physical process reaches a ' full ' of consciousness when we as bundling of so many types of mineral, vegetative and biological consciousness, become more than just a calculating brain; a brain that must plan for biological and social survival. Our brain is a processor for our knowledge, our feelings try not to get stuck in negative emotions because otherwise it’s no use to ty and love.

     

    Our mind reflects on the connection between our inner relationship, our ' inner communication ' and our other types of relationships ".

     

    "Life is not always easy as you know. We enherited psychogentic things from our ancestors ... in fact we are still in them, but we are other combinations ... and that must be so; the circumstances and the characters of ' romantic love ' always prepare for these theatres about’ rest and fight’ . Evolution, Darwinism, would actually need to have a psychogenetisch sequel that complementsor corrects  the vision of  psychoanalysm.

     

    When my great-grandmother was pursued by an Indian hater she was  injured, I was actually a piece of consciousness in each cell of hair. No wonder and yet a miracle that I now have so much fiddling with where the aggression in people is coming from ... it was already decided  in the blueprint and the events of then.              The situation in which I grew up did the rest.

     

    Poverty, unemployment, loss of the bond with nature, alcoholism ....

     

    The man who loses the connection with nature is like a man who loses the connection with the female.

     

    Many of the conflicts between people have not only to do with the social political games of the power groups, but also with those wonderful primal energy between our legs.

     

    That primal energy can, however, also turn in a destructive jealousy if we are confronted with biological competition. Sometimes that  competition does not even have to be biological in the form of a rival; suddenly pops up a spiritual friend  in a relationship between man and woman and is the love fight fought with even greater pains. Two spiritual friends, with also a passionate organic bond between their both, are more likely to lose each other fysically when lesser spiritual relations from the past(or new ones) still weigh on the relationship. "

     

    Sophie had listened very carefully too his slowly spoken words, and she decided he must have had a har life.   But she too was not intended to ask him for the details of the events from his life.

     

    "I recognize many things in what you say", she had then suggested. "I believe that the classical notions of ' eternity ' and die and being born, must  be revised.

     

    34

     

    When I  analyze my life; I notice that life ' suddenly ' becomes much richer in observations and experiences.    Also my way of perceiving, then changes. But, the more I transform myself and my feelings openly; the more one breaks me off. Maybe you are right when you say that the things of the past must remain not be thaougt over rendlessly and I talk too much about what has been and I have my own cycle, I not have seen through yet. Actually, we hope in the lives of each other that we or she change, sometimes it works and we complete each other.  Nevertheless, everyone plays the role of  his original genetic blueprint and follows his educational experiences which take a lifetime long.

     

    "Sometimes I wonder", Sophie had prosecuted; "is being happy not just genetically determined “?

     

    Children love their parents and must at the same time dispel the unprocessed emotions and spiritual and material unfulfilled aspirations of their parents. Later those children form couples and the game starts again, but with old as well as with new elements. Those new elements are the transformed old, or the old self. For example, a person can still always be so stingy as his father or grandmother or just the opposite, wasteful ... or a balance between species.

     

    Life, and in particular the circumstances in which we live, seem to be forcing the approximate line of our blueprint to follow. A part of our ggetting ill sick is to be explained by that.

     

    Life with falsehood and not resilient enough in front of others, can also physically weaken us ... although some others get more strong from it, but not in a positve way (such people they use the things that come from your heart in a premeditated way, a way that often only suits them. Perhaps such people exist for the others to learn to be more cautious and less compassionate? ")

     

    It had been quite for a while under the tree where the red man had been sitting.

     

    He had taken the floor again.

     

    "What do you think of yourself, ' probably wise woman with the green heart ', ' probably wise woman with the green heart '"? "Maybe you can change your name in Wigh. Wise, Intelligent and Goodharted. As someone I'd would welcome in my ' wigh-wam ' want to, but I already have someone in my wigwam and that wigwam should be left standing ... so we continue, but better here under the tree sitting around and talk.” ” I have never lived in a wigwam. That I would have to try actually. " she answered.

     

     

     

    35

     

    “Oh”, he said, “

     

    Why are we always looking for the meanings of life, people like we ? I mean that we only can answer the many why's if we dare to experience life in all its heights and lowland ... preferably without to much harm.  The why’s come  in our dreams or in the morning or  at other times that we actually ‘are’ on the wright time n place and ‘ray’

     

     I believe in a kind of telepathically connected-vessels-system between people; with different types of ' transport systems ' for the different kinds of energies depending on the types of liquids, gases, or waves or types of light ".

     

    "And I who thought I was complicated”. “ I try to exercise in the art of observing and interpreting the images and thoughts that I have and the words I hear or what I see happen. The essence of the words and phrases we speak daily or dialogues which is often very different than they were intended; although therefore no lies therefor. Sometimes we make things happen in the life of others and if we had known befor, we would not have cooperate with introducing these things. Yet our statements or actions were not ' error ' as we might think; No, for specific reasons  everything is as it is ... and there even with a good interpretation of the telepathic system behind, one could not or can not understand. One always needs his energy for the new things to happen.

     

    No, I'm already contented if I feel my consciousness again and again giving me opportunities to grow and obtain more insight into what I call myself my total philosophy ' in ' energetic, an insight into the connections between the individual and the collective in each dimmension of life: philosophical, political, social, psychological, cultural and so on. The more you're aware, the better you can feel things, sometimes even predict. Important for me to know what else I can handle and in what proportions the happiness of myself depends from that of others .   One can not dialogue with everyone on the same level, it would exhaust you trying to always talk on the same level.     With a massage, or in an other dimension, sex, the same is also true ; If you do not feel enough inner and outer attraction ,don’t continue. . If such a thing in the long term keeps repeating, then stop there; or you will become at the hands of others or submissive or  a slave of property-fantasies. Of course you can also just keep comrade, even though it sometimes is better that you come across each other not too much more, or not even any more.

     

    For me  philosophy has become more important than the vulnerability between people.

     

    I think there are already billions of metaphors in my life in my head. Some I write down”.

     

    36

     

    "I also write, mainly poems, but I publish nothing” said Wigh.

     

    "Yes Sitt, red man. There are so many types of people as types of tree bark ".

     

    "You know what I think Wigh, I believe people know from each other on what moments their kinds of interest for each other in every possible way is less  ... and this not only by physical and verbal communication. But because this one does not understand this or that so good as the other one, there are differences which actually not only are the result of events or pronounced words. This causes more pain for those who are not aware of the lesser interest of the other. Moreover  a man is a fire that is extinguished slowly ... consequently as one ages and ailments are progressing and attraction is on decrease ... much spirituality can come and take the place to compensate the lesser physical pool. If one has never made efforts to become a more spiritual human being, likely one has more change to just go and live like strangers next to each other. How people act towards others; even on professional level; also in their personal life has an influence and comes in many cases back in a beneficial way if you did not act  against the energetic patterns.

     

    People closly connected have interactions mke changing alliances. Try not to send someone too much in a certain direction when you’r not sure with who you are dealing.

     

    37

     

    One has not the power to do everything for everyone around oneself.  Restrain your forces.  If you do not have that strength, it is the responsibility of that man himself to get out of its problems to come, if not those of still others. As the storm then again sometimes lies down comes such a strange silence, such as when someone is dismissed or dies ... If something is behind us with someone, one speaks there after certain time not even more about it. Our mind is comedian. Sometimes a writer has great sense to tell something about his characters, to portray him or her with words ... sometimes he enjoys his inspiration and of that imperfect people in their perfection itself, without writing, sometimes he only really wants to write about if they are dead and he knows how to catch their essence in one good poem or a few sensitive phrases to indicate ".

     

    "I will get us something to drink" asked Sophie. "Do but Mrs Wigh, for me a great big bottle of water, it is far too early for wine". Shebrought with a few bottles of light and dark moisture r and they freshened there their body and soul with it.

     

    "Yes, my best Sitt, theories about the meaning of life are always inadequate, because you have to get through the practice of live as well, but they are necessary if you do not want to run in pernicious circles; either in your private life, either in your own detective-search for the meanings of life.

     

    Without experiences from your inner and outer practice  you can not just believe in ' something '.

     

    Authors who through the three relativity theories of Einstein and the quantum theory atre looking or  the physical state of the ' spiritual ‘energy '  sometimes even use the name "God" for it.

     

    That one abstract word, has already led to so many dogmas through the religions, that a new ' learning ' in the name of  one or other pretentious fellow could be  dangerous. Words you can always add in certain political strategies. I prefer to believe in ' life forces '.

     

    The primal energy of those life forces is according to me the ' love ' in its general meaning. Every person long to reach for his energy, through his skin, his emotions or his sense. Once this ' energy 'acquired, we sometimes find out  to a greater or lesser extent, that that ‘love’also can provoque ill making energies as envy, hatred, resentment, envy, jealousy etc ' (but only in the cas people who did not overcome their negative emotions, fall in love) Some people know ' intuitive ' what this means. They can still follow their inner voice. Others are so buried under all kinds of social information, disinformation and lies or physical and emotional problems, that they areno more enough in touch with the ' words ' or ' images ' from their ' superconscious ' lost. All kinds of situations and feelings have they blocked. The way we think about life determines our mental ' force '.”

     

    "Seems you have a point Sofie. It seems like, in fact, it is also true that there are a lot of people with an  incredible INDETERMINABLE, aimless feeling in their being. But they rely to much on  their fellow human beings to be able to feel who they actually are. They can no longer be silent and feel innerpeace inside.

     

    Working is beautiful, is a form of meditation, but it’s got to have a purpose and sense.

     

    Many people also have a huge need for always being away and busy, nothing wrong with that in itself sometimes, but when they have no more rest in their own no rest, it runs wrong.

     

    Constantly working as flight for the confrontation with yourself and others. Others flight hours in Tv shows from a quality  to start crying about, violence movies full of ' action ', while  their inner action slumbers. The inferiority that the flights is bring over themselves works out on their environment. Everything is constantly not the own fault, but that of the environment. Of course, structurally this is where if you for example are without job is true for a very great part, or when you have to work too hard.

     

    Who wants to do something about his ignorance ? What a rich world under the superficial world is yet to be discovered by us, for example, in political or spiritual areas ?

     

    We realize all that one is not armed against the news that we face every day. One gets disgusted, without good analyses. The system throws all his misery in words and pictures over us and makes think that there is no alternative to a system that produces alienation and war and poverty and ecological disaster. Actually, I would especially like to deal with one form of alienation:

     

    the alienation of man with his own inner : caught between emotions, media and an insufficiently informed , man may not be aware that there is still such a thing as critical awareness or intuitive contact with your own.

     

    If you have enough willpower and you can  loosen yourself of all kinds of unconscious life, you can stimulate your own so that you almost find all the answers and you will find your inner deep as well ... you need to be careful that you're not going to float, of course.                                                                                                             39

     

    Then you get instead of ' dependent ', ' helping ' learning’ I guess. "

     

    You can make someone  thirsty for knowledge, but the initiative to study… "

     

    To what extent they are, outside their individual existence, open also for science, history and art or psychology … will determine the intensity of their relationships. So not only the individual, psychological band determines the intensity of a relationship ... also the link with the collective consciousness is important in a relationship, I find.     In many cases love is conditioned by the living conditions,as if the genetic heritage already isn’t heavy enough to transform.

     

    Why do people find each other attractive? The physical appearance has a heavy symbolic radiance value.       One finds also something ' stronger ' or ' sweeter ' in the other, or something equally strong or sweet.

     

    Those who haven’t learned to exist independently( emotionally )are attracted to someone ' stronger ' and the ‘stronger’  provides stronger than a sense of ' dominance ' ...that kind of balanced results not always continues, because people can change ... and of course at some point no longer they then find satisfaction in their ‘helping ' or ' dominance ' role.

     

    Meanwhile, there are children who have been born, emotionally stronger or different in whatever way (as a completion) because they are combinations of the parents again, that parents are going to confront their own opposites. Children are actually new characters who ofte nare the opposites of their parents.

     

    40

     

    The great thing about the story of love is, that the stronger ones give and take and the more dependents one also. Separations show that one of the two sidespushes  the other in the direction of more confidence in herself or  himself.

     

    Often, the fact is that after a divorce both partners do not find themsleve in a new balanced situation at once and after a certain term again no emotional balance is found or for ever.

     

    Even people who are close to nature and have a good inner communication with themselves and the process of their self-knowledge and knowledge of others, for them it is not always easy as well.  In fact they are again as innocent as a child and at the same time become so wise as an old man or woman ... what gives them a different kind of attraction than the physical, which they also desire ... and they are going to miss on term.

     

    They are people who havelearned to have no heavy emotional dialogues in themselves, when they meet someone on the same frequency as them, the lovelife can reach very high peaks ... they can stay there most of the time. Maybe they can remain on  those peaks if they don’t start another love relationship , which also is a sexual one ... because then you again risk having to obey the ' order ' of the instincts, feel heaviness and the emotional thought process gets  in motion again. The atoms and genes that are responsible for this behavior, have no alternative, because their original building plan was 1 egg and one sperm the urge to pass the own genes.

     

    That's why we in fact long for one beloved.

     

    There is nothing strange going on, as long as you are not looking for a partnerpartner on the basis of emotional insecurity or material reasons. In a lat relationship then again, the relationship between two people can be so strong that either or both of them can tolerate that a certain temporary or two triangular relations within the LAT relationship exist ... but in the end the whole construction will still collapse under the weight of the differences in communication and especially under the weight of the source of the biological competition : the sexuality.          For which all those perhaps avoidable processes are good: to learn what one has to learn after disappointments maybe. To become stronger ... who will eventually know better than you on top of your own self knowledge?

     

    41

     

    Whenever you're in a good relationship, you can admit you love someone else…(but in fact you then don’t need somebody else) if not, something is wrong in the relationship. To find out what's wrong, can b very tiring. I can imagine that married people, mainly because of emotional or practical reasons, get married, all of a sudden they find someone else emotionaly, spiritualy, more attractive.

     

    I can also imagine that this attraction just Platonic.

     

    I can also imagine that the original torque after a certain term no longer kicks the stimulating presence of the ' invisible ' energy of that "third parties" in bed ... and no more sleeping with each other or just only a much quieter sex.

     

    But I can't imagine that the'lonely ' remains third in the triangle ... he or she will look for someone else in most cases.  The pain in the heart causes mostly always new illusions than, and then you meet emotionally seen still not mature enough partners for you, they fall in love with you; but you inbetween lost your own best match.     Then come new long term connections and practical requirements, you cannot live up to because you are busy with other things.

     

    The real problem to get out of all these situations, there is not able to talk about it.

     

    People are not brought up to understand the whole philosophical image.. Reasoning in terms of ' good ' and ' bad ' and ' victim ' is the easiest way to guide your live with clear rules on what can and cannot be done.

     

    Trying to understand the genetic and emotional energy of people it is much more difficult.

     

    Getting rid of an excess of  heavy emotions or damage incurred from the past, is a requirement if you want to survive in the worl of love. Eventually one learns to know the difference between emotional love and intuitive love on the one hand and on the other hand, your own inner communication. Too much suffering makes people sick.

     

    The ' life forces ' you yourself, use all those forces or illussions for a number of motives, to show that everything in the universe lives ... except people who are not yet in their own force".

     

    Sophie had not said it to him, but the words and presence of Sitt woke in her the desire which she had had.     The passion of poets and philosophers.                                                                                                 42

     

    She found the most beautiful relationships were the faithfull ones.  . She knew that women got faster emotionally out of balance but also that men whose wife found someone else attractive, at those times in a first phase, totally could lose their balance. From personal experience, she knew that it was better to stay where she was, and yet also that situation became untenable. Well-intentioned triangles, they are generous attempt to show a way out to without stopping  each other's family life... or  is one much better off if one stays true in spite of everything ? The fact is that certain people, whether parents or children are, not really made a whole life to spend with each other.

     

    What is ' infidelity ' actually ... is that really the cause of all that irreconcilable tensions between people ... with dire consequences ... or is it just an excuse that people use  if something is no more between them. The real reasons of ' infidelity ' are perhaps  having to do with differences in ' feeling ' in the mind between people popping up ... and that differences arising then translate to the body and so on. Because all this is so difficult to express to the other you get that feeling that the sexual good lovemaking of earlier is replaced by a kind of ‘mating’ ritual.  Everything is even more harder because kids don't know what's going on in the minds of adults.

     

    It's all part of life, she thought”, while she and Sitt sat a time silently, they ate the fruit he got for her.

     

    44

     

    Someone from the bus company where Sophie traveled with, said that the bus would leave within an hour.         As people sometimes do when they have had a really good conversation with people they didn't know ,Sophie gave her phone number and mail address and Sitt Sitt gave his email and address anda  mail address of a spiritual friend in Europe.

     

    She walked with him from under the shady tree. Sit ttalked to some people of her group. Sitt asked how Europe was and told what practical things about life in North America. He could  speak about the beauty and power of nature and the practical life of his countrymen and had sharp criticism of the foreign policy of the United States.  "If  all that money they have wasted the last 100 years to armament, had being used to eradicate poverty, then there was no unemployment in the world, and then we were already a whole lot further".

     

    Sitt and Sophie said farewell and promised to write. They gave each other a hand and a little kiss .                    But they carried with them the wealth of wisdom in those words that they had exchanged  ... and especially the unforgettable memory of his and her hand and his and her mouth, skin ... body ... all those things that are also a key part of each other's memory of each other's being.

     

     

     

    As my father used to say

    I send my son in too this world, not like the story in the Bible, to be conceived by a virgin, no I send him in too this world in a genetic way, as I myself came in too this world and everyone before me until the first cell that existed and way back from there to our real father, the light, radiation.

    I send my son in too life on earth, then years after what is called the end of the second world war, but in fact the consequences still continue, the collective dominos still fall, like in each individual life. I myself  was send in too this world five years after a big war about nothing much more than the power to be able to be the biggest players on the economical field.

    Sending someone in too the world is kind off a strange way to put it, we cannot but be in the world in fact, we always were there from the beginning of each big bang cycle. But let us simplify things, isn’t the urge to have sexual intercourse the same as the desire from the ones who were to come back in to being on a physical level ? If you look at that that way, the female egg symbolises the earth and the sperms symbolises all the different combinations of a number of personages willing to make their entry again. In general one sperm makes the entry or is helped making the entry by the egg, who knows ? So, it isn’t just a physical or chemical or biological world we enter or we are always present in from the first radiation or the later atom (physics) till the first cell and later till us.  As individuals we represent a number of beings that used to live in a biological way.  We come in to existence to continue stories in a dialectical way. That’s way in a family with more than one child characters aren’t the same, because of the fact that the content of lives is constantly updated. A number of contradictions always come in too life… in order to learn about each other, someone who is too greedy in a materialistic way will be confronted with someone who is not, someone who is too honest will meet a more flexible kind of person and so on, take every too negative emotion and it will meet on its road the opposite one.  Learning to talk about this opposite positions in daily life, is something we must learn.  Even if we live next to each other without communicating too much, when there are problems we avoid talking about because we are not great communicators or feel ashamed or do not want to hurt each other, those contradictions are in the ‘air’ and disturb our own inner communication.

    We are partly composed of female and male energy and we try to let both parts function in balance, being too soft and too hard influences everything we do and say and a kind of balance most of the time pulls both levels in a kind of acceptable balance.

     On a physical level, the male energy is older the female energy, on a biological level, the female energy is older than the male energy, xx is older then xy.

     

     

     

     

     

    Some important notes about love

     

     

    Above all, learn to feel the love inside yourself and learn who to give it to.

     

    Examine the roads which philosophy and history walked in order to bring us more consciousness about every aspect of life. Love the arts. Take care of your body, do not overcharge it. Chair it with your chosen one. Do not let negative emotions enter your relationships with people. Chair and enjoy friendship and love...spice it with humor and don't wish for the impossible, ...even in times of passion. If you do not choose for each other in time...it wasn't meant to be at that episode in your life. Do not start looking for somebody else.

     

    Trying to understand the laws of love isn't always a question of using all that science has to offer us. We are not together just because we live in each others environment or because we met under certain circumstances. We attract one another because we attract the difficulties that can take us further on the pad of understanding the meaning of life. Those who really don't seem to have a long way to go in their personal growth sometimes seem to attract the hardest difficulties...which in itself is a very deep aspect of love.

     

    Love uses us to teach us to make us aware of the differences between people.

     

    Love uses us to further the story of those who came before us, even before we were born. One cannot write down a standardized theory on this because the more you get the picture, the harder it is to communicate about it.

     

    Some people do not live together because they are to close together or because others need them more for their growth. In times of conflict between people, everyone seems to think they themselves are the only perfect human beings.

     

    Sometimes one must avoid difficult confrontations, other times they cannot but occur. Just like the big-bang-principle...'something under pressure must explode'...we depend on that same old basic law...even in our relations.

     

    Everything and everybody is always the result of the things that happened before them. We react in response to the environment and our genetic mixture as well. Even our family-ties are getting more and more mixed, which often isn't more easy. It's the outcome of different components. Sometimes things go wrong because of too much stress in this production and profit-based society or stress in ourselves. It wasn't ideal in the old times where religion was more important than philosophy. Still we find it too difficult to support the idea that our man or women 'has' somebody else. Whether in bed, whether in a purely spiritual, platonic way...we do get jealous fast. The reasons why people get to get really close to each other often has very deep reasons, one cannot understand easily as a third person. Sometimes it is easy to understand when the motives are wrong : money-making is the worst reason possible. When the reasons for looking for another partner are sex or adventure...the outcome often goes in the wrong direction as personal happiness on a long term is concerned. When it's about making babies...you cannot stop it...the ones are mend to walk the earth shall. Falling in love and divorce...the reasons can go back generations. Life sends some of us on many pads to enjoy, to learn, to learn not to take revenge, to learn not to envy, dominate... . We look for company to learn about this life-game. In fact, what we are looking for is to discover how we can find peace in ourselves through others and ourselves. This process goes further than the things that the physical part of love has to offer us. This process not only has a theoretical aspect, we practice these things every day.

     

    When we find ourselves cut of of our husband, wife, children; whatever the different reasons, our future aspirations seem to be clouded. We start trying to become happy once again. In fact we want to return to the uncomplicated happiness of the past. Then we sometimes meet someone to help us forget our feeling of loneliness or guilt. When it does not work some of us can more easily let go and forgive and continue our own life once again. In every situation the other relations we have with all those surrounding us, have their influence as well. When we 'forget' to choose for those who we really like we sometimes find ourselves cut off from our own energy. Then we stick around in our unsolved things in life and nothing really positive opens up. When in a couple one of the two cannot let go of some negative feelings or circumstances, the other ones is forced to waste a lot of his or hers own energy...often for very little in return. The one with the most unsolved problems must then learn to accept his or hers life like it is. If both manage to cultivate a happy feeling about life and the personal circumstances...then only real progress and happiness open up. If someone is under heavy fire of the negative emotions of others, that person must learn to obtain a kind of indifferent balance in interacting, otherwise one is doomed to undergo the negative moods of the other.

     

    With 'indifferent balance' is not meant one doesn't care any more about the other.

     

    It's just a way towards arriving in better times and not starting unnecessary arguments.

     

    Once a third person enters the relationship one will notice that, however true one stays, one tends to begin feeling guilty about the wellbeing of the original partner if one is not careful in observing one’ s own feelings and the real situation of the original couple. One must then learn to understand which stories of life click with which person. This can take a very long time and in the mean while often a lot of things happen with a lot of people, just to help us to understand what's going on.

     

    In order to understand the whole picture in such a process we must understand the relationships of those who played important roles in our life and they themselves as human beings...who are they really, what do they represent in our life...what is our symbolic meaning in the life of others ?

     

    Two people who do not feel well together any more, start the process of opening themselves towards others, whether friends or a lover. It seems as if people with the opposite characteristics attract each other in a first stage of life. They themselves and their children can learn from it or can be damaged by it.

     

    Our psychological condition often seems to influence our biological fitness.

     

    One has to start loving others by loving oneself, by grapping the joy inside of you, you can pass it to others. Loneliness can eat you. Joy will guide you on the long road of life and everywhere it takes us to understand the meanings of it.

     

    Sometimes we will have to wait until others become more skilled in managing their own positive evolution. They might even hurt us meanwhile... . Sometimes one has to be grateful that one has to bare a lot, because it can contribute to understanding one's own road...but sometimes enough is enough.

     

    Stronger then 'dead' itself, is having collected so much wisdom in once life, that one becomes free of fear of 'losing'...then one gets a very good feeling.

     

    One can discover the one we really are when one realizes the possibility of every time finding solutions to problems...as if one is guided by a strong force inside us.

     

    One must always filter the enormous influence of everyone surrounding us.

     

    Then, when one feels really good, the light can shine on the three in front of our house and one sees it painting it's shadow through our window on the wall. One watches the three dancing on the wall...without a good feeling we neglect all this.

     

    We are like marbles and our past plays a game with us. Which game ? That is what we will have to find out for ourselves and others. The degree of consciousness we reach, tries to shine on others. Some try to make us play a role in a film with a lower degree of consciousness then we were really mend for. We then must continue believing in our own way of living life. That's what real faith is all about.

     

    Our quality of observing life must grow. Learning how to balance between the energy of others. We must learn how to combine love, solidarity and other positive emotions in interacting with others. Life is like a piece of art played by different interacting artists, actors often played on the theme of 'these, anti-these and synthesize'.

     

    A fragment always calls an anti-fragment into life. Like when we have children, none is the same, each correspondents to a certain evolution in our lives.

     

    We should try to wish what's best for others. A lot of good evolutions can emerge from this. One cannot explain human conduct only by basing oneself on the theory that we humans only interact, basing ourselves on some of our selfish genes.

     

    When you meet people, try to really understand them before you decide to put a great deal of effort in 'helping' them...especially if they don't take some important steps for themselves by themselves. If you want to have a long life, chose a partner that does not suit you...minutes will pass like hours then.

     

    The earth...concentration-camp or garden of Eden ? When you look above all dimensions of life, you will learn to observe it's laws, it' s humor and drama.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Yet another attempt at understanding what one calls the ' love '

     

     

     

    The entanglement of the emotional bonds between people is often hard to understand, because  before we all were conceived so much already happened that had to lead inevitably to our existence. This kind of spiritual-organic movements are enormously difficult to conceive. We are an integral part of the story of previous generations. The generation Domino's just keep falling. All the difficult things that previous generations could not come to terms with it, we just get back on our plates. In religious terms one would call this ' original sin '. Everyone has a weak or strong free will.  Provided we obey the traffic rule numero uno: ' being faithfull ' in the classic love game '  the less risk we run to encounter the wrong ' things: jealousy, complicated triangular relations, butterflies in the belly for others not integrated towards the original partner, and other ‘ snakes’ in life. Chemistry alone is something else than playing a distinguished role in the life of someone else, ... love. That is of course the theory, practice often brings different results. To what extent are we really ' free ' to controle our own emotional. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Today it is not difficult to explain the origin of life by science.  The big bang means symbolically that something that comes unther to much pressure, explodes, because something that tends to become smaller or equal to zero explodes.  Philosophically it means that something that someone who comes unther too much pressure tends to ‘explodes’.  There is not less than or equal to zero,no  ghosts either, which is not to say that after our last breath there is no other form of energy. Something that tends to have no more sence starts to disentigrade.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    For the generation that stayed married for fifty years , that was different, not only because the man was often the only breadwinner. Also we explode under too much pressure from the outside(stress at work, more and more exaggerated consumption patterns, the kultus of the sexual pleasure, the commercialisation of sex, the sensation press, the empty part of what the media has to offer: violence movies, violent games, going out in the middle of exaggerated decibels to early hours, and to wrong diet, evironmental problems, no time for reflection ... the feeling to have only one finite life, feeling sad about the presumed finiteness of life, political a-pathy that makes antisocial behaviour more possible ...).

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Humanity has spread throughout the world and is actually as one tree with lots of branches.

     

     

     

    Our roots are in fact our common collective past, those who are no longer with us still are because of the unity of everything and evrybody.  They are a part of our free will today as it were. We ourselves, in a personal way are at the top of the pyramid, we all need to succeed in staying stabil, and that doesn’t come without effort. The true art of living consists of loving life and those one lives together with.  Your life’s  experience in inner peace. Knowing the possibilities and the dangers.  This means that you have an understanding of all the types of connections around yourself. Constantly, every day and night again. As individual branch of the tree you feel connected with the other branches, with the common trunk, with the roots.

     

     

     

    To understand the emotional level it might be best also to understand the socio-economic-political part of existence and not only to focus on the emotional part. Not being obsessed by money can teach us a lot.

     

     

    Astra Nova,. the core.of 248 pages A4

     

     A man and a woman together, experience high literary dimmensies on internet, after brief encounters in childhood, to have lost sight of each other. Both already have a very eventful life behind them.        It looks like it can only succeed ... but not in the way that they had thought during the summer months moved in 2006.

     

     

     

    My Crystal scales

     

     

     

    It is a scale that I have with me from young age. Honesty in front of myself and others, growing analytical skills and good intentions past on by centuries through human and other building materials.

     

     

     

    Materials such as forms of ' cunningness’, didn’ fit in that scheme,because they serve a lesser dimension. Daily I protect my crystal structure against those who don’t know the actual value of light and Crystal any more. If you confront them with weighing the meaning of life in truth  they are seemingly against you. Against them you do not have to start with metaphors about music and orgasms. The antennas of the scales are constantly looking for high-quality signals ... amid the apparent chaos in life. Who can read the results of the crystal dish on the moments that body and mind are stable, ... understands the apparent chaos around him. You see, how finer the reader, the more must surmount myself, I like to speak or write the things out ... otherwise they get stuck in oneself and towards other people. Supposedly showering and waiting for the explanation of the night and the morning ... or on your invitation to the next form of the using the iron while it is hot to do.

     

     

     

    If you have a particular idea and you make a note of it short and then you write something about ... constantly while you do that, you evolve your idea to the next step .From my youth I often  have the feeling ' something is not right here '.

     

     

     

    For example, "on Sundays end the sixties and longer, for some idiotic measure of the EEC customs no red berries be entered Germany and we had to hide them among the strawberries on the kamion '.

     

     

     

    Also in the catechism for the first and solemn communion the priest send me out of church for my remarks;me, his altar boy still outside because of his observations on  the biblical creation story.

     

     

     

    I quite fast understand  when something is not right and if you want to make adjustments  you often quick amok ... so we adapt quite often to another not to worry or not to throw into ‘confusion’. Sometimes you do not insist on change of someone in your environment because he or she is not ready for it or has become too old for it  or whatever. A few examples: our Foundation that held an info evening on the current wars in the world ... you can still wait a long time while nobody takes initiative, so you should do it yourself ... If there is already someone waiting for you will say.

     

     

     

    J:

     

     

     

    With him there seems to be a contradictory undertone that he has not yet chosen for this relationship, he is afraid that he will be allowed to have her for himself, he thinks her husband her will never let go, that he is too honest and its so, that he will lose by its philosophical edges, too far on her for isnot for himself, that he may want to her because he wants to help humanity a step forward. She knows that her life has become better since he has come, and he is still difficult, although the relationship at the moment for her sometimes tiring by the deep emotional, spiritual exchanges, but which she knows she really desires here. For its part, she is rather afraid that if you choose, freedom for something e.g., that also means that you do not choose for something else, eg. prefer and love someone you above all others, and she thinks that the conscious choice of and honesty together is that you so freely together.

     

     

     

    They know very sure they never even after her marriage to be "possessed" by someone in the literal sense of the word, but she is apparently stuck in the romanticized image of a relationship. At her age it would be good to evolve to a more realistic picture, where they trust the man who loves her and her playful, although at times severe, companionship, longs for her laughter and her tender arms, and therefore nearly forced other candidates will go be fobbed off. Because they know in sensual, and their bodies to lend very well together here, is there much chance that it will still be good, and that they will be attracted by each other again as magnets. As their relationship deepens, he will continue as time passes on the 32, 84 or 183 (IM) patiently wait go on her return home, and her passionate but sweet to leave alone come out of her trips in the outside world. Actually she sees a pied-de-stable now be but would rather not with a cool frog that but keep thinking if they can remain seated properly and for all there now. Secretly she loves the certainty to be able to retain its first place. We can only endorse this as normal. Only the strongest of us, with a place at the foot of the mountain also satisfied.

     

     

     

    They should especially not stifle himself by now already impose all kinds of restrictions to go very probably caused by ingrained separation anxiety (I leave you before you will leave me) and learned dependence in a relationship. They are a quick obnoxious guys drag the muddy pond too deep ground, after a short-lived pril, but ecstatic beginning. It is regrettable though extreme emotions in these relationship in accelerated pace have occurred, and it is a mystery how they will deal with it both here. They leave from a different scheme of both experiences and settings, and can so see quite a lot of each other's point of view. As long as they keep their openness, they can attract each other maybe out of the swamp, and welcoming their babbel-pic-nic at the banks continue, the strings carefully tenacious for their stability. Let us hope that they, by the time of the last chapter, found in quiet, deep and close connection under the sunlight that scarce by the tallest trees of their Paradise falls, and of which the rays their aura's light up.

     

     

     

    They suspect yet how really nice and deep their relationship is. If they continue to think that they sent to each other but are, to their trust and their ideas about earthly matters like emotional and sexual intimacy with others to test in their search for each other, and gradually allow more afleidingsmanoeuvers, not too much because it's them also of the larger goals in their life will take off, and their focused attention on the energy they produce beautiful together, and the beautiful things this will may be realized (e.g., political speeches or poems are of exceptional quality, its writers talent that comes up when she writes to him for eyes) will shatter. Unless them together, after long discussions with God and the devil, deciding that there can be made even more beautiful energy if others also be allowed to enjoy the promised Land, and that none of them will suffer the emotional pain that private-with-his-couple-country than to have to stand off a bit to other emotional-hunger-afflicted. It will remain an open question whether this ground their pond deeper and richer in fauna and flora, or less deep. "

     

    The light in the pond

     

     

     

    ------------------------------

     

     

     

    I've been several times to the limits of the human carrying capacity in a relationship.

     

     

     

    Hercules carried the world on his shoulders, I have also done for too long. Not only the philosophical explanation for how everything from radiation to  evolved and how we best respond to what goes through our mind. A man like me was time and again faced with; let me focus on the women, in no particular  won't continue in chronological order, or the sake of clarity, not in my family: abortion and regret it afterwards, a by the husband always poponed child finaly with another man informed the child the child, incest, enter into a relationship for  the pennies, regret having a one-night stand, regret having tricked a man without many flaws to have  and wanting someone like him back. I have have never judged these people ' men neither women, never condemned them in terms of good and evil, apart from the peodo's and the too lustfull sexjunks, but assessed them  in terms of what kind of energy they carried with them for generations through changing situations.  I think in terms of what positive and negative effects that certain contents and situations and act can cause. Often there is a kind of predestination factor involved, because of what I call ‘ancestral telepathy’ (see article)

     

     

     

    Yesterday evening it seemed to me is certain that no one really can bring them the happiness  which they desire in the long term.  I wrote seemed so. Time will tell.

     

     

     

    As our man goes to a good friend or our wife to a good friend, we are depending on the genetics, experience and wisdom no  ' restless '. If anyone climbs over our fence, we call the police and if they come with many across the border we put the army in ..(.in the 21st century armies come even before anyone comes across the border) (which of course is not specifically allocated to that century is ... always there is someone like first). The material war, there are economic mismatches at the base ... but also our small and big greed. The war for love runs on being afraid and losing self-esteem because one thinks that somerival wil be better : sexual, emotional and even spiritual.

     

     

     

    Still applies here my philosophical principle:  something thatt wants to become less than or equal to zero can not exist in physics, we don’t want to be not nobody ... or we get mad, explode at psychological tensions.And what is even more important, we want OUR genes to florish, (maybe there is an anti-matter struggle going on to come back on earth, haha. Prefering someone too someone else, ok, nice; but why doesn’t it work always, even when it clicks in both directions ? Because a number of reasons that are connected to the total past of someone’s own background, (influenced by ancestral telepathy)…often way to much on both partners. In one body can live a number of different ancestral energies that in order to feel good must unite into one’s personality.

     

    Dear Readers

     

     

     

    This morning I thought, I’ll wright something about our  casula meeting with three.. I'm not going to have it much about whether true or false or  with whom Platonic or not.  My users want me to stay cool and relax.

     

    It was not a meeting like you experience a lot, dear ladies.  I hope you have an understanding for each other.

     

    A number of people had to experience a lot of depths and hights with their lovers in order to understand them and their situation.

     

    Given my background of one and a half years to have shared my (our) house with my ex-wife and her new husband, for me it was a more normal situation. In that case at that time, neither yesterday, it was my intention to experiment with free love. In those days that would have let quickly to a crash to fast at that time after my divorce  and then we had not have lived one and a half years as good neighbours. In fact I went to the city more for reasons of political actions to flee, (but  because the new couple wanted more space on their own, let’s not go to deep into this.  The reasons are  too private to tell.

     

     

     

    Life is often described as a learning experience and that it is in fact too. From my experiences, I see my for the outside world failed marriage for myself as a first step towards expansion of consciousness. I had afterwards also had to deal with resentment feelings or selfpity or confusion in my head . Nothing guarantees a everlasting happiness.

     

     People can have an intimate, spiritual bond with each other; and even more, but one must get mature even more if one wants also a ‘biological’ relationship. The more rest you can create in yourself and with the other, the more different experience and satisfaction that one finds between each other. In some periods or in some people more than others perhaps there is a huge need for physical discharge present ... the electricity chases then sometimes on a millisecond through your body without taken off one garment , the sorts where the energy comes from open. What resorts? Sometimes that of an experience where one or both partners are emotionally depressed.. Sometimes from an intensely fine well-being with each other ... pure presence for each other. Sometimes from a kind of purely instinktieve greed. Sometimes healthy and fun fantasies involved ... other kinds of fantasy can harm not only the ridiculous ones or degenerated ones themselves, they are not a healing way to get in touch with your partner.  Sometimes lovemaking becomes a boring, mechanically ritual (permanent or not)ment ... to satisfy the other and that’s it then ... the beginning of tensions often.Wasted Love Making.

     

     

     

     From positive emotions, love and especially ' presence ', spiced with a primal feeling ... that are all good  ingredients to put everything back in your body to stream ... your mind is there then, as after a good shower, and one stays hyper concentrated in everything one does.  Some need it, some maybe don't ... but it is certainly healthier than pills and complaining ... but don’t let it put negative emotions in action or do not start longing for t like a sex junkie.

     

     

     

    So. That's okay for now.I have to also write about other things. Which? They will be presenting themselves.

     

     

     

    LOMEM LOVEMAKING (emotional) + or-

     

     

     

    LOM FY "(mechanical)

     

     

     

    LOM PRE "(movies) (only on the waves of being and feeling)

     

     

     

    LOMFA "(fantasy) + or-

     

     

     

    LOMINS "(instit

     

    Who are we and what are we doing here ?

     

    If I had to give the answer in one sentence, I would say ‘loving life is the greatest art, living together as well.  Whether on a personal or a collective scale, whether in the domain of social or economic issues, we’ve got to make an effort to understand the game that Life through all it’ s appearances plays with us.   We are emotional subjects that try to evolve to beings with an ethic psychological approach and we try to understand the spiritual aspects of life and dead as well (or we should do so).  Life is too excited to get sick of boring yourself because you cannot see the difference between ‘satisfaction’ and ‘awareness’.  If you believe there isn’t a message in these words for you; love yourself and others and do good, but don’t waste your time with negativism. We do not live alone, and we can make things work on or own, with two, 3….thousands, billions. 

     

    When it comes to thinking about who we are ou might as well wonder about who ‘you’ are and just look inside and around you. How did influential people up until know think  about life up until now ?

     

    The first philosophers tried to understand the laws of nature as philosophy tried to get independent from religion.  In fact philosophy tried to combine every domain of thought (‘relier’ in French, that’s where the word religion comes from).  It seems like early philosopher suspected that all kinds of matter had a kind of hidden energy.  Thales (600before Christ) said that everything was filled with more than one God, but he had a great esteem for ‘water’.  A lot of other ‘tales’ where to be told over the next hundreds and thousands of years, following the changes in development in society and science.  AnaximANDER, who also lived about 600 before Christ, said that the original stuff came from a totally other matter. But he did not know already that something like ‘anti-matter’ existed. AnaxiMENES, another Philo of again a Greek colony, kept on looking for a kind of bog-ore…like air or hazel.  Earth, wind and fire where all air to  him. Maybe he figured that some kind of special light (radiation) was the solution of the origin of things.  Anyway he also knew that nothing can come from nothing. Paramenides must have heard this, because he concluded that everything what had ever been must have always been there, according to him, no change what so ever was possible.     Nothing could become something else then it was. He found it his task to unmask every form of sensitive deceit.  Maybe this man was afraid of too much senses and maybe he hide to much in pure rationality.  The road of the integration of the subjective and objective and intuitivity had begun.

     

    Back in the front garden of Asia, Heraclitus had again more confiance in senses. Everything streams, it moves and nothing lasts for ever, he said.  Empedocles introduced the difference between matter and power.  “Something of everything is in everything”, said Anaxgeras, who did not believe that earth, water, air and fire could change into blood and bones.  He started presuming that such things as little invisible creatures existed.   Democritus was the first materialist. “The only things that exist are atoms and empty space”, he said.  It was to soon to understand that the body was matter and antimatter at the same time, but he understood that particles can make new kinds of matter, based on the old matter.  Maybe he believed that everything followed the rules of some kind of blind destiny instead of the energy that awareness can provoke.

     

    In Socrates days there were people who were called ‘sofists who discussed with people to find absolute norms for what they called ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.  Agnostics couldn’t say anything for sure and sceptics philo’s couldn’t say anything for sure…Socrates tried to counter them all.  Plato introduced ‘eros’ in the philosophy, ‘the desire of one soul for a soul where it once formed a unity with’, trying to make a link between the physical basic materials and some spiritual models’.  Aristoteles taught that the human being was ‘empty’ when he was born.  Didn’t he see all those enherited problems people had to cope with then as well ?  The Hellenists were a group of philo’s who tried to free people from their fear of dead and from their pessimism.  The Stoic Philo’s told people not to lead themselves by their emotions. Every branch of philosophy in his own trying to prove that the spiritual had a material form as well. There were as much branches as different personalities in the end.  The neoplatonians tried to live soberly and Jesus Christ preached that love was the way.  Still science and religion went separated ways. And if one dared to say that God was the same as nature, one could end as a burning torch.  So the world needed badly Galilei,  Kepler, Copernicus, Kant, Hegel, Marx, Darwin and so on…. .  and octo http://deblogfilosofen.skynetblogs.be

     

    De blogfilosoof

     

    Essays, Gedichten, Columns, Kortverhalen, Blogs, Foto-en Filmwerk rond de zinnen van leven Theatermonologen

     

     

    Mijn verderste verserste vers

    Zin,

    als jij

    Onzin

    tot zijn ware proportie

    kan herleiden

    zal ik je soms

    God- te- ergens noemen

    Octo

    Na het lezen van de weekendkrant en het overlopen van andere, niet minder echte, meer wezenlijke uitdagingen van mensen in hun omgeving, besluit ik wijselijk het voorlopig hierbij te laten voor vandaag.   

    Kijk gerust eens rond op de blog en de links, doe alsof je thuis bent.

    Maar eigenlijk is het vers al een artikel of een boek op zich, een invalshoek om heel veel te begrijpen.

    20/12/08

    Modern gebed : Aan iedereen

    Die het leven hongerig liefhebben blijft. Die weet dat er niets zonder gekende of nog onbekende vormen van energie kan bestaan.

    Die weet dat leegte niet bestaat, maar dat je ze in je leven wel oproepen en scheppen en overkomen kan. Die zich niet door de  ideologie van 'verdeel en heers' laten overwoekeren heeft. Die in het bestaan allerhande soorten bewustmakende en levensnoodzakelijke evoluties naar meer zin ontdekt.

    Die weet dat vooruitgang op alle vlakken van het bestaan aangegrepen worden moet.  Die vanuit diverse tastbare werkelijkheden zoals allerhande soorten wetenschappelijke kennis en diepgaand geanalyseerde gevoelens, reeds de kunst van het intuïtieve  observeren beheerst. Die vanuit de kracht van deze innerkommunikatie probeert te kommunikeren. Die de waan en de echtheid, het kaf en het koren, al onderscheiden kan. Die weet dat ook de eenvoudigen van geest je kunnen vooruitstuwen en dat eenvoud de sleutel tot het begrijpen van het complexe is. Die de 'aanraking' en het zich willen verwerkelijken van positieve waarden in het lezen en uitspreken en vergelijken van woorden ervaart. Die de samenhang van de gebeurtenissen in z'n leven als wisselwerking met de totale eenheid van alles kan zien...en daardoor zijn individueel en kollektief bewustzijn verhoogt. Die weet dat het denken over z'n eigen leefwereld onlosmakelijk verbonden is met het denken over de wereld in z'n totaliteit. Die, misschien onderbroken, maar immer konstant aan de kwaliteit van de communicatie rondom zich werkt.

    Die begrijpt dat al het vorige in een nieuwe manier van met mekaar en zichzelf omgaan zal resulteren. Die beseft dat het beheersen van de dynamiek achter het persoonlijke samenleven van mensen; van de kleinste kernen tot de algehele wereldmaatschappij; dat dit alles al op zich een nieuwe vorm van kunst is... een kunst die van een gezonde innercommuniatie vertrekt. Die weet dat het individuele en kollektieve kennen tot een hogere mate van bewustzijn leidt...en dat dit bewustzijn de wegen naar het kwantitatief en kwalitatief betere opent. Die weet dat bepaalde asociale verhoudingen een politieke bedreiging in zich dragen.  Die weet dat alles zich uiteindelijk toch ontwikkellen kan in de richting van wat het optimaal zijn kan. Die weet dat gedachten en strukturen die het nefaste deel van het oude willen in leven houden op kleine en grote schaal schade aanrichten .

    Die beseft dat sommigen die dit alles nog niet goed verwoorden kunnen, soms meer bereiken en soms meer uitstralen dan zij die dit alles snappen en uitleggen kunnen. Die met dit alles begaan wil zijn...omdat je er uiteindelijk niet meer los van geraken wil. Die de ware inhoud van het woord vrijheid snappen. Die vanuit zichzelf en anderen tot volle rijping komen wil. Die op positieve en negatieve manier tot het opbouwen van ons 'begrijpen' heeft bijgedragen, van de holbewoner tot en met wie we nu omgaan. Die weet dat geld alleen niet gelukkig maakt. Kortom : Graag leven, net als samenleven is de grootste kunst...een positieve kommunikatie en de innerkommunikatie daarrond, de jongste kunst.

    octo

     

     

     

    Op weg naar innerlijke rust

    Het is niet omdat we al huilend op de wereld komen en er misschien kermend van verdwijnen, dat alles daartussen geen zin heeft. Je hoeft alleen al maar de wetenschappen te bestuderen en de symboliek er van te vatten om de diepere zin van het leven op alle vlakken te begrijpen. Je moet wel ontsnappen uit de wereld van het oppervlakkige die men de mens probeert op te dringen. Indien je in je kleine en persoonlijke omgeving een positieve rol wil spelen of voor nog anderen tevens een positieve inbreng wil doen op het meer collectieve vlak, dan kan je best ook eerst bestuderen hoe het economische en sociale en politieke met mekaar verbonden zijn, gelinkt aan de meer subjectieve aspecten van onze leefwerelden ben je dan bezig met meer en meer bewustzijn aan te kweken.  Heb je dat allemaal op punt dan komt er ook meer ruimte niet alleen voor de gewone gedachten en dialogen maar ook voor innerlijke communicatie met je zelf. Je komt in een mooi landschap en er overvalt je een innerlijke rust als decor waardoor je na het voorbijtrekken van de vreugden en zorgen aanbelandt bij een punt tussen vroeger nu en de volgende momenten, een zich steeds verschuivend moment van zijn waar al het negatieve op de duur uit je voelen en denken wegdeemstert en er zich een aantal andere perspectieven rond de zin achter ‘leven’ aandienen. Het leven, met zijn meest prachtige wet : van zodra de zinloosheid benadert wordt, krijg je of wel nog meer onzin of een weg daaruit weg. Hoe minder je bij één of andere vorm van smart blijft zitten, hoe vlugger je je eigen los kan maken van veel afzien dat met het in rondjes blijven draaien te maken heeft. Om dit te kunnen moet je wel je eigen leven snappen, kritiek en zelfkritiek aanvaarden, niet in zelfmedelijden blijven zitten of aan overdreven medelijven met anderen ten onder dreigen te gaan. De situatie waarin je je bevindt is altijd een eerste stap naar minder of meer inzicht in de verbondenheid van mensen onderling, mensen van vroeger en mensen van nu. Indien je je teveel laat leiden door een teveel aan een verlangen dat alleen op lusten en roes of bezit is gebaseerd, ben je misschien wel af en toe niet ongelukkig, maar de innerlijke rust die je nodig hebt om anderen en jezelf aan te kunnen, komt er niet korter bij door.

    Het zou me niets verbazen dat die staat van innerlijke rust en tevredenheid waar naar we allen in meer of mindere mate trachten, te maken heeft met zij die er op een niet biologische manier meer zijn. Het deel negatievere erfenis van hen proberen we door onze levens zelf te milderen of te minderen en daar is levenservaring en kracht voor nodig, relativering en durven ook, leren omgaan met alles en iedereen die een invloed op ons heeft. Onze gevoelens leren verwoorden ook en vragen om kracht aan de voorbije en aanwezige energie van het goede zoals die zo simpel in de stilte van de natuur aanwezig zijn kan, in de nederigheid van herkennen en erkennen van al die tekenen in mensen dat ze gewoon gelukkig willen zijn zonder een teveel aan complexe roerselen der ziel die gewoonlijk vertrekken uit alle mogelijke vormen van angst, angst om niet voldoende bemind te worden, te kort aan van alles en iedereen te komen, ziekelijke hebberigheid, onzekerheid, op de spits gedreven concurrentie en zo veel meer. Al die in vorige zinnen opgenoemde wezenlijkheden vertalen zich dan in een aantal ideologische tegenstellingen die onze filosofische kijk op de dingen vertroebelen en die hoogstens, kunnen leiden tot een verbetering van de praktische levensomstandigheden (niets op tegen zolang deze maar ecologisch verantwoord blijven), maar ten kostte van levens die ten dienste van een enorme uitbuiting staan en met vervreemding en vaak bloedige conflicten gepaard gaan. Maar genoeg daarover in vorige essays en kunstuitingen allerhande. Indien de samenleving volgens ethischer normen zou worden beheerd, zou de mens ook meer ruimte krijgen voor zijn mentale en spirituele evolutie, daar alles met elkaar verbonden is. Voorwaarde tot groei is dat men de uitdagingen die het leven je op persoonlijk vlak stelt ook durft aan te pakken en niet in zelfbeklag blijft steken of je blijft ergeren zonder dat er oplossingen in zicht komen…’oplossing’ van onnodig zware negatieve emoties.

    Dertig jaar agendanotities

    De kern van de zaak

    Een werk da ge geire doe

    Een vraa om geire te zien

    Dan kunde kindre mier kanzegeive

    Zen belangrijke dinge in t leive

    D’er es nog veul mier te vertelle

    Over ast ni lukt tusse elle

    Khem dat allemoaalgedoan

    En hoe dieper da ge graaft hoe heller

    Hof het dus mohwa simpel

    En doe af en toe zoe plezant as ne pimpel

    Een goed humeur

    Zelfs op de pot denk ik soms aan mn lot

    En hoop dat niets weer iets goeds verbrodt

    Wil niet zeuren eerder met ideeën leuren

    En iets in jou willen laten gebeuren

    Dat je even op kan beuren

    Fris en monter en olijk op zoek naar

    Stukjes nobele herseneik golven

    Och wist ik maar wat met inkt hieronder nog te plakken

    Soms kan je echt niet meer verder in het waarom zakken

    Maar als je wil vertel ik het morgen in je oor

    Maar nu heerlijk slapen

    Want ik begin van mijn eigen te gapen

    Het eenvoudigste dicht

    heeft vaak een zwaar gewicht

    te diep in mij leeft

    wat op de meest bewuste dagen

    verplicht naar buiten komt in vlagen

    bevrijd van gevangen kortzichtigheid

    ontdek je een stukje eeuwigheid

    al eeuwig zijn we aan t leven

    en we zullen nog een tijdje doorgaan

    voor we overgaan

    dit moest ik nog schrijven

    voor hen die nog na mij mogen blijven

    want sterf ik morgen

    moet er weer iemand anders zoeken

    naar t geen je nooit volledig vindt in boeken

    we kennen allen mensen

    die van ’t goede in de mens houden

    die de hebberigheid van anderen bovenhalen

    die door hun werk anderen mogelijkheden bieden

    die door hun beslissingen dood en vernieling zaaien

    die van een goed boek houden

    die wiens wereldbeeld op de geldmedia is gebouwd

    die van uit hun eigen hun deel van ’t werk doen

    die niet de geldzweep nodig hebben om te werken

    die in vriendschap en liefde om anderen geven

    die anderen dwingen zich aan hun pijn aan te passen

    die zich verwonderen over al het goede

    dat uit het oorspronkelijke groeien blijft

    die het materieel te goed hebben

    zodat de essentie hen meer en meer ontsnapt

    die de geschiedenis bestuderen en antwoorden formuleren

    die nooit sociaal ageren en hun groepsegoïsme cultiveren

    die het geld dat ze verdienen weer in circulatie brengen

    die hun rijkdom oppotten en speculeren in onzinnige en dodelijke dingen

    die zouden willen leven maar daar toe de middelen niet hebben

    die de middelen hebben en niet delen

    die een systeem met meer rechtvaardigheid zouden kunnen regelen

    die de barbarij van eeuwen helpen verlengen

    De stilte die om antwoorden vraagt

     

    Een klein leeg boekje

    , een leeg schriftje

    't lag zomaar in een hoekje,

    te wachten op invulling

    antwoord op verstilling.

     

    Zo was ook ooit de kosmos

    toen alleen d'onzichtbare stof bestond,

    toen het hele kleine het atoom uitvond

    toen d'eerste cel mij verlostte uit alleen 'fysica'.

     

    De tijd vloog voorbij, al bestond hij niet.

    Naast al die andere soorten werden wij.

    Meer en meer verstand en inzicht...

    en blij.

     

    De gruwelen der geschiedenis

    Ze sloegen ons vaak terneer...

    was het alleen om de boosheid der leiders ?

    Kwam het ook niet door zoveel meer ?

     

    In vele momenten werd uit natuur cultuur geboren.

    Het meer en meer mens willen worden,

    vele generaties gaven het al door.

     

    Uiteindelijk gaven we niet alleen mondeling goede raad.

    Ook met talrijke geschriften deden we onze baat.

    Nu alle geschriften soms tegen mekaar nog vechten om 't gelijk...

    sommige beoefenaars althans,

    proberen we het hier en daar eens zonder harnas en kadans.

     

    Voelen met wie omgaan zoveel makkelijker lijkt,

    ondanks al die verplichtingen uit een andere tijd.

     

    Al heeft in hoeverre persoonlijk diep omgaan met...

    ook zijn grenzen...

    we zijn hier om uiteindelijk te worden...meer mensen.

    octo

    De stilte die antwoorden geeft

    Straks ben ik het die dit oord verlaat. Mijn stralen zend naar daar waar licht ontwaardt...

    naar de zoekenden wiens noden ik leerde kennen.

    Terechte, onterechte, al hun verkennen.

    Wie was ik hier, wat deed men mij geloven ?

    Een hoop romantiek, ik kwam het al doende lerend te boven.

    Men slaagde er niet in de vreugde,

    de vlam en de blijheid in mij te doven...

    in dit vaak tranendal...

    ik was er immers altijd al.

    Ik neem alle herinneringen die ertoe doen met me mee. De rozengeur, de maneschijn,

    het beste in ieder mens door mij gekend.

    Laat achter hoe ik dit allemaal heb beschreven,

    het hoe en waarom er ook nog bij.

    Wetend dat geluk en ongeluk soms niet meer te beschrijven valt.

    En alle schaduwkanten aan iedereen,

    daar begin je best niet aan.

    Dan moet je telkens weer door de geschiedenis ervan, van voorn af aan.

    Blij om wie ik was,

    me neerleggend bij wat nog niet kon zijn. Niet kan zijn ook soms.

    Wordend. Steeds maar wordend.

    Nooit af.

    Tot de volgende straling na de volgende bigbang.

    En dan weer van voorn af aan,

    'verrijkt', in zijn menselijke betekenis.

    octo

     

    Genetische genegenheid

    Sommigen maken er een Fuckingham Palace van.

    Midden de maatschappij van het eenzijde genieten en het hebben.

    Sommigen kunnen hun oorspronkelijke genegenheid bewaren.

    Midden het parkoer van onafgewerkt voorouderlijk geluk en ongeluk.

    Sommigen zitten mekaar geluwd aan te staren.

    Midden bijna ongeneeselijke ziektekwalen, zielekwalen.

    octo

     

    beetje rijmen

    -Wrederik de manaager zijn resultaten waren volgens de poenschepper te maaager

    Hij heeft zijn conclusies getrokken en weer zijn er duizenden vertrokken

    -Kwakkel de kikker is een flikker

    Hij kwaakt dag en nacht, geen wijfje dat dat van hem verwacht

    -the stars have thrown their images at the beach, stones

     

    Dichter bij de ziel-titels van linken

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/06/01/nieuwste-citaten-octo.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/07/02/afscheid-van-het-zoeken.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2009/10/31/er-was-dus-toch-leven-na-de-dood.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/spiritualiteit-essays/

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/05/27/wat-is-dat-zijn-van-ons-toch.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/01/31/aan-iedereen-die.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/04/30/wijze-leefregel.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2009/12/31/kiezen-voor-mensela-kritische-theater-ode-bijbel.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/05/04/de-drievuldigheid-praktisch-bekeken.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/06/25/wat-is-een-oprecht-mens-1-spoor-kwijt-raken.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/04/07/agnosten-het-zelf-en-de-wereld-kennen.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/02/13/liefde-tegengestelde-lijden-wanhoop.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/02/11/geweten-wereldbeeld-ideologie.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/06/15/toekomst-van-de-uitvaartdienst.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/07/10/de-mens-achter-de-druggebruiker.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/04/28/bevrediging-in-de-virtuele-wereld-zoeken-porno.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/06/10/hebzucht-als-ideologie-verpakt.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/03/30/de-waarheid-omtrent-het-leven.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/05/22/is-dat-geloof-oh-kerkske.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/03/11/celibaat-en-andere-praat.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/02/22/de-geluks-draad.html zie poezielinken

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/02/17/het-verdriet-om-zijn-broer.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/02/09/dorp-tussen-1950-en-1960.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/01/26/in-1692-wist-een-schrijver-het-al.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/01/25/mooi-beschreven-reactie-gastauteur.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/01/22/religieus-ochtendgloren-gastauteur.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2010/01/05/religie-niks-met-god-of-duivel-te-maken.html

    http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/archive/2009/12/26/paus-begeeft-zich-op-gevaarlijk-pad.html

    http://zoveelsteromanidee.skynetblogs.be/

    Er moeten eigenlijk maar 15 partijen (projecten) zijn in een technocratisch beheerde maatschappij

    De wereld één natie, met lidstaten die zich op het verdrag van de rechten van de mens baseren, met dien verstande dat ze het samenlevingsbeheer op een gemeenschappelijke manier gaan organiseren. BEDETTWERFPESSH

    Building Educating Distributing Energy Transport Telecommunication Working Ecologically Relations Finance Production Eating Security Society Health

     

    Samenlevingsbeheer                   Society-management

    Coördinatie overige projecten, notariaat

    Eten                                               Eat

    Bouw                                             Building

    Educatie                                        Education

    Telecommunicatie                       Telecommunication

    Werk                                               Work

    Produktie   g&diensten               Production     goods&services

    Distributie                                       Distribution

    Energie                                           Energy

    Ecologie                                           Ecology

    Transport                                       Transport

    Heelkunde (gezondheid)             Health

    Relaties                                          Relations

    Security                                           Security

    Financiën                                         Finances

     

     

     

    Zie http://bloggen.be/conscience2008 

    Zie   http://filosofischverzet.skynetblogs.be

    Negatieve Emotionele Energie N.E.E.-tips

    Iedere dag is weer een balanceren tussen ons eigen bewustzijn en dat van de anderen...in het teken van al die aparte, verspreide en verengde verhalen achter de feiten.

    Het leven als een kunstwerk, uitgebeeld door die zich soms tegenovergesteld of eensgezind gedragende artiesten die we allen zijn. Het begon nooit, want altijd diende het NIET niets of niemand te willen zijn, te worden bevochten. Kleiner of gelijk aan nul kan niemand of niets worden en alles heeft een vorm. Daardoor kwam er die big-bang en al die onzichtbare straling die een gevolg was van het weer terug in één punt samenkomen van alle energie uit het vorige theaterstuk.

     

    Als een artiest schiep die straling weer het eerste atoom en de eerste cel en de eerste mens. Wij zijn nog altijd bezig met de voorwaarden te scheppen dat iedereen rondom ons niet niemand wordt...we dagen mekaar voortdurend uit.

    Ochtendstemmingen Bijvoorbeeld. Hoe gaat het met ons vandaag ? Was gisteren toen iets zoals een zware last die op ons viel ? Zelfs om kracht vragen (het vroegere bidden) hielp misschien gisteren niet. Soms lijken we wel van alle energie te zijn afgesloten. Misschien kwam het door het weer eens overmoedig projecteren van die boeiende toekomst die we ons een week geleden voorgesteld hadden...een toekomst aan de zijde van iemand met toch wel heel wisselende stemmingen soms.  Die dag verleden week was eigenlijk zo goed verlopen totdat haar of zijn melancholie ontwaakte en de te ontknopen strikken met de personages van het verleden en heden weer vast toegetrokken werden. Haar of zijn onmacht naar anderen dan hemzelf of haarzelf toe, had weer toegeslagen en hij of zij moest weer de volle laag ervan inkasseren. Hij of zij mailde haar zijn of haar inzichten, herstelde en hij of zij werd weer wat rustiger... tijdelijk...weer tijdelijk ...tot de konflikten met anderen eerst weer gaan liggen zullen zijn ?

    Wat een verkwisting van energie voor beiden en anderen...als je op het verkeerde moment in mekaars omgeving bent. Geen bijgelovige theorieën of ontrafeling van komplexe psychologische diepteanalyses brengen dan nog enig soelaas. Kennis, zo simpel als licht en toch soms niet hanteerbaar als er wolken in je hoofd dicht zitten. Kom dan ook niet aandraven met God, want dat zijn gewoon de anderen en jezelf. Wordt weer zeker van je eigen rol in het 'real art' toneelstuk...de 'inzichten'.  Of je nu in Rillaart of in Katmandu woont.

     

    Net zoals mensen naar sociale gelijkheid verlangen en gegarandeerd gedonder op hun kop krijgen, zo is het soms ook met de liefde. Waar blijft soms dan weer het sensuele gele, dat met een schot in de bergen van angst mensen weer in hun oasetoestand herscheppen kan ? Te lang mekaar of andere mensen niet zien of de lichamelijkheid in een relatie verwaarlozen, schept afstand en eenzaamheid zonder diploma kluizenaar.  Voor je je weer onder mensen vertoont moet je dat dan eerst wegwerken : een praatje tegen de hond die z'n been ophief : "ziet dat ge je kloten niet netelt", of tegen de spin : "ziet dat ge die vlieg vangt tegen dat ik terug ben". Meer heb je soms niet nodig om door te kunnen gaan. Tijdens je wandeling vindt je dan wat klein behuisde paddendikkoppen in een bijna uitgedroogde plas en je zet ze in een vijver. Je ziet dan kalfjes in de wei staan en je vindt een verbod om hen al te slachten een heel hoog goed. Toch komt er ondertussen nog altijd geen revival misschien...maar je breekt er toch het ijs in jezelf en naar anderen toe mee. De dagen erna groeit er misschien een gevoel van sterkte en vertrouwen in jezelf en anderen.

     

    Je bestudeert de politieke weldaden en rotzooi in de wereld het fascisme, want de wereld bestaat niet uit liefde alleen en het lijkt je dat zo'n apparaat slechts kan geboren worden uit frustratie en haat, uit armoede en hebzucht...allemaal dingen met biologische en sociale zowel als persoonlijke achtergronden en drijfveren.

    'Kwaad' bestaat inderdaad...en het wordt erger naarmate het fascisme in de wereld groeien kan.

    De lookalike van je pomphouder was dan wel op het nippertje niet voor de partij die het moderne, op hebzucht gebaseerde fascisme gestalte gaf, hij genoot wel van je reisverhalen die hem op een ander been probeerden zetten. De macho's in 't gewone voetbalcafé bij de twee gele vriendinnen smolten onder hun gewoon zachte manier van zijn...hier kon geen rascisme groeien. Toen je er 's anderendaags aan terugdacht streelde het beeld van een jong meisje dat pas leerde fietsen je dichtersogen. Weer een dag later stierf er in een ander dorp een man terwijl hij zijn konijnen ging voederen...de beestjes huppelden dartel over het erf...'t leek gewoon niet erg...zo te sterven met zachtheid omgeven...een beetje zoals die vrouw die tussen haar bloemen dood neerviel nadat ze de buren nog een ijsje had gebracht.

     

    Soms zouden we een beroep moeten kunnen doen op een energie die voor ons, zoals een satelliet z'n straling naar een ontvanger zendt. In de satellietwereld gaat dat de dag van vandaag alleen als je 'betaalt' hebt...in een vergelijking uitgedrukt, in psychologische taal ,als je je doorheen je zware emoties gewerkt hebt...kan de universele vreugde die je om te leven nodig hebt, binnenstromen.

     

    Emoties. Zelfs een hond heeft emoties, als hij achter het hek voor de ochtendwandeling te wachten staat, ruikt hij zelden het stukje vlees dat zijn baas naast het hek heeft neergelegd...zo verzaakt hij dan even aan zijn primaire behoefte in ruil voor de ontdekking van de wereld. Emoties, zelfs al zijn ze triest, zijn een stap naar gevoelens, naar meer en meer onvermijdelijke spirituele groei als je er voor openstaat en je bepaalde uitdagingen aangaan durft.

     

    Eigenlijk zouden we voortdurend voor onszelf en naar anderen toe bezig moeten zijn met het beste voor ons en hen te willen. Vanuit ' het goede te willen verspreiden' door het regelmatig voor iedereen te wensen, zou een hele andere logika kunnen ontstaan. Je kan het leven niet vanuit het een of ander gedrag van egoïstische genen alleen verklaren er is meer aan de hand.

     

    Je komt altijd weer mensen tegen met weer andere en dezelfde specifieke problemen...tracht ze te begrijpen voor je beslist een eind met hen mee te gaan. Kwalitatieve raad geven is beter dan koudweg veroordelen, maar net als met teveel medelijden hebben maak je het jezelf daardoor soms niet makkelijker.

     

    Laten we geen tijd en energie steken in het emotioneel bestoken van mekaar...het is allemaal tijd en energie die ons verdeeld en vervreemt van het échte onrecht in de wereld : oorlog, armoede en culturele onderontwikkeling ondermeer.

     

    octo

     

    TOEKOMSTIGE HERINNERINGEN AAN nu

    In een huidige situatie ‘NU’, zit altijd de toekomst een beetje ingebakken, zodat een ervaren observator de richting van de toekomst een beetje sturen kan en met veel geluk al deelachtig wordt van een beetje min of meer toekomstige herinnering. De factor ‘geluk’, heeft in deze te maken met zich goed voelen, dan werken deze dingen beter. Een aantal voorbeelden.

    De hele dag werkte hijtoe naar de titel van dit schrijven en naar de openingszin; onwetende van het feit of zij hem zou bezoeken. Ze kwam gewoonlijk langs wanneer haar lief net een stuk had afgewerkt, en in dit geval, had hij de titel al gevonden en de eerste zin. “Ben je thuis m’n Passie” ? zo stond er in het teletekstdoosje. Dus hij had het op voorhand al kunnen weten wanneer zij en haar en hun nog op te bouwen energie komende waren.

    Concentratiepoging & het witte blad

    Een blad vol fijne vertellingen, over leuke belevenissen, wijze spreuken , inzichten over relaties tussen mensen als permanente linken tussen wat is geweest en wat wordt, tussen leven en dood…of commentaren over wat er met de wereld fout liep of loopt…of gedichten daar allemaal over ? Weer eens uitleggen waar het leven vandaan komt en waarnaar het weer teruggaat om op welke manier dezelfde of (en)een andere weg af te leggen ? Nog maar eens een poging om de observaties op observaties van één dag, te verbinden met alle info uit het verleden en de toekomst proberen in te schatten ? Nog maar eens uitleggen dat het beleven zelf van het leven, meer kan doen veranderen dan om het even welk schrijven, welk een energie dat ook in het gezamenlijke spirituele net inbrengt ? Proberen aan te voelen tot waar de lezer bereid is van mee te gaan en bij welke woorden hij afhaken zal ? De mooie kant van eenieders ziel proberen vatten of ook de schaduwzijden en het waarom van hun weg naar 't lichtere proberen aanboren ? Kolossale opdrachten. Zal maar dag na dag zien wat er op me, op ons afkomt.

    Wat zeg ik ? Seconde na seconde.

    Koppel liefhebbers

    Namiddag in zomer.

    Warmte en bries.

    Stoeien zwoel over ’t land.

    De vrouw, in tooi, betoverend mooi.

    Zorgvuldig gekozen textiel, nee, kunst…

    Met artieste ögen gekozen.

    De man om haar een fijne namiddag te bezorgen.

    Wandelen in een bos of aan een vijver.

    Allerhande wezens in en aan het water.

    Hij, achter haar, handen in mekaar verstrengeld.

    Zo stappen ze samen met vier benen boombeminnend.

    Komen aan een oude zitbank.

    Met nog metalen vering.

    Waar vingers alle spiertjes bijna overal ontspannen.

    Allerlei rijmpjes vergezellen het fijnzinnige gamma

    Van spontane kunsten met woord en beeld en huid…

    tot in het onderhuidse en zo meer.

     

     

     

     

    Groen werd het water

    Alle wier weg zomaar.

    Eendenkroos dat zijn kans ziet.

    Waterlelies al liggen wachten op de volgende lente.

    Duizenden gedichten zijn er over geschreven.

    Over mensen en dingen.

    Alle feiten die hen omringen.

    Over verbanden en details

    En groter lijnen.

    Over de energie die ze bijeenbrengt en verwijdert,

    Samenhangt

    Tot alle verhalen zijn voltooid

    En alles weer in een nieuw melkwegstelsel

    Ergens weer ontstaat.

     

    Missen en de vrouwelijke   eros

    Paar dagen er tussen, soms al veel.

    Een hand, een tweede op zoek naar een derde, vierde.

    En naar alle andere eleganties.

    Speuren naar verborgen tekorten en kracht.

    Tussen heuvels, randen, lelletjes, rondingen.

    Langzaam opgebouwd feest dat sappen losmaakt.

    Intense emotie en dan voelen dat versmelt.

    Twee wezens.

    Zijn concentratie bij de regie.

    Haar innerlijke verlangen en ontvangen. Van geest die het lichamelijke mee verheft.

    Zelfs deze woorden brengen het mystieke al boven.

    Vibrerend op volgende keer weer

    Aantonen dat liefde in al zijn vormen

    Niets mechanisch is…en hemelen raken kan

    In het spontane beminnende verborgen.

     

    V-heuvel

    Geen haartjes, soms stoppelveldje.

    Rond het beekje dat

    Kabbelend op aanraking

    Zingend rond woorden

    Ontspringt, stroompje wordt

    Glijbaantjes ontlokt

    Van vingertoppen ballet

    Rond het groeien van het topje

    Van niet de ijsberg,

    Maar het ondergrondse eros verlangen

    Wellust ontdaan van donkere ruimten

    Langs het sensuele groeiend naar erotisch delen

    Het maken van opwinding ook omwille van de kunst

    Men doet het niet maar zo, mechanisch.

    Maar wacht tot het aanzuigen je seinen geeft.

    Of het aangezogen worden wieltjes krijgt.

    Seinen die zingen dat ze niet langer wil wachten.

    Liefje, met de gladde flamoesjes

    In je vallei met de geheimpjes van je zalige kloofje;

    De lekkere kleine binnendeurtjes

    Vingerkietelend beroerd voor even maar

    En dan weer langer, weekdiererig op weg

    Naar je paleisje dat af en toe liefdevol omknijpt

    Schalks ook wel, naar gelang het gevoelen

    Minuut per minuut, seconde per seconde

    Alle deeltjes van je ‘ze’ aldaar aanraken,

    Speels beminnen

    Even omhoog achter de lieve kleine klepjes

    Iets hoger vanboven, doorzweefglijden

    Naar het plaatsje van ontstaan van leven toe.

    Lange, trage, draaiende, afgewisselde bewegingen

    Monotoon traag zelfs of plots of geleidelijk versnellen

    Over alle schijnbaar weke delen.

    Zo vrouwelijk sterk.

    De essentie echter,

    Zonder lief te hebben

    Voelt men dit alles niet.

    De ziel, ze laat zich niet misleiden.

    Al beeldt ze zich soms wel dingen in.

    De geest, laat zich mede drijven op het pure.

    De liefde, ook die met het lichaam

    Houdt van aanzuivering.

    Die goede energie tussen mensen in de eter brengt.

    Soms ook anderen met het gevoel van leegte achter laat.

    Daar ze niet meer bij hun lichte herinneringen kunnen.

     

     

    Woorden, minnen en zinnen

    Liefdesspeeltje liefdesspel liefdesspelonkje

    Wordt er niet moe van

    Weet niet van waar woorden,inspiratie blijven stromen

    Het geestelijke speelse op het lichaam enten

    Handen die overal lijken te willen komen

    En tongen in alle mate penselen

    In drift en zachte golf.

    Aanraken, glijden, ondersteunen, knijpje of beetje

    In alle formaten tot wat juist op die moment nog mag

    Wie zal vertellen van waar de stromen ontspringen ?

    Die men van bij de bron ontspon

    Om uiteindelijk te drijven weer naar waar ’t begon.

    Geen koppel of twee zijn de zelfden

    Soms dromen, drogen stromen op

    Als onpeilbare roerselen der ziel te zwaar worden

    Of de illusie vaak van andere te ontdekken hemelen

    In de weg komt te staan

    Van zij die er wel willen voor gaan.

    Het hebben van zin om nieuw leven te scheppen

    Niet de cellen met 23 chromosomen die buiten moeten

    Nee niet zozeer, een beetje wel…

    Maar het zich willen blijven laven aan de bron.

     

     

     

    Vaste banen om ons heen

    Hoe rustiger men wordt

    Hoe meer ook alles om ons bloeit.

    Meer kansen voor hetgeen geneest

    Weinig zin heeft het, zich slecht te voelen

    Niet in eigen of dingen van anderen

    En daar in te blijven al helemaal niet.

    Omgaan met je waardevolste deel

    Tussen andere waardevolle delen van mensen.

    Waar je niet nerveus van wordt, je kent ze immers

    Voelt ze goed aan.

    Hun codes zijn soms sleutels van jou rust,

    Ook de codes van hun onrust

    Net als planeten en sterren

    Beschrijven we ook banen

    En al voelen we pijn of geluk

    Het zijn wetmatigheden samen

    Wie vermag er iets echter

    Tegen meteorieten die inslaan ?

    Altijd weer interpreteren van het observeren

    Hoe nieuw leven ontstaat.

     

    Letterkes maken

    Kan je zelfs door alles wit te laten

    De bijna leegte die het al omvat

    Zet een punt

    Kies voor vol of leeg

    Je hebt een O

    Zet er een beentje aan en oeps…a

    Een steeltje aan…b

    Maak de cirkel half …c

    Een takje rechts…d

    Geef de leegte een baantje : e

    Of een gekruld staartje : f

    Of ietsje plechtiger : g

    Zet een hoedje aan een been : h

    Of een punt boven een sliding : i

    Iets heel naar beneden en naar boven weer : j

    Of met fantasiekrul : k

    Zet iets stevigs neer : m

    Met een beentje minder : n

    Doe iets met rollen : r

    Of met slingeren misschien : s

    Wijs de weg t, T

    Gom wat aan de a : u

    Neig naar boven : v

    Maak het zweven sterker : w

    Of het vredesteken : y

    En eindig zigzag : z

    Om dan met de hoofdletters te beginnen in alle stijlen van windows

    je hebt niet gebeld,

    hoop dat je het wel stelt

    weet bovendien

    al wat ik in gedichten over liefde en jou schreef

    leeft in mij

    ongeschonden

    alles wat ik kreeg, gaf, deelde,

    was van uitzonderlijke menselijke weelde

    niet kapot, verdwenen

    ergens altijd in genen

    tegen dat we vertrekken

    weg al die zere plekken

    maar liefst dag na dag

    nu nog op onze wegen

    je weet wel wat liefde vermag

    ondanks evoluties en kruispunten van

    en met anderen

    x

    een essentiële Mis.

    beminde Parochianen,

    In Uw midden leeft een hele bekwame

    In het samen met twee

    Beleven van de Heilige Geest

    In het scheppen van cosmos

    U snapt er niet veel van ?

    Ga in vrede

    Het thuis maar eens proberen.

    Haar innerlijke rust, de mijne,

    bezorgt de Liefde, die van deeltjesmaterie en golvenether

    , hoge Golven, frequenties met Muze;

    op tal van ritmes.

    M'n mondelinge verzen lijken wel vertaald uit erosgolven.

    Geen zin technieken van liefdebeleving te beschrijven

    Zou afdoen zijn aan spontaniteit

    Terwijl het gaat om een wonder van eenmaking

    ,zich bedienend van twee geesten,

    Kan niet zo maar aangeleerd, moet 2x matchen

    Onnoemelijk veel losmaken in mekaar

    Importance of intense sensuality slowing down senses

     

    Piemku  door Uwe Muze

    Als je vrijt zoals Uwe en Muze samen

    doe, doe, doe; leef je zoveel meer

    't wordt heel langzaam van magie tot toverij

    4 borsten worden energie, verwekkend

    zalig lang op zoek naar honing en honingin in jou en mij

    oneindig diep gevoel

    balans tussen hemels gewicht

    aards exotisch fruit

    engelenmelk die ruimte zwevend vult

    bliksemschichten van daar naar onderbuikjes beneden

    sofaatjes van sensualiteit

    vingers, gedirigeerd van uit een geest, een galaxy

    daarboven in de cosmos;

    zoeken subliem traag haar topje van

    al die verborgen wezentjes onder het,

    gedeeltelijke stoppelveldje in groei

    Een arm absorbeert in stilte

    het soort energie dat op bevrijding ligt te wachten

    Neem vooral de tijd

    Ook armen kunnen zuigen

    Maar anders

    Miljarden jaren evolutie maakten er

    een tot in het clitje bekabeld netwerk van

    , verbonden met al dat andere

    -------

    Nu is't goed, er is een hemelse vrede tussen ons.

    Blikken die maar blijven genieten van mekaar.

    Plots, wijsvinger cirkelt klein rondje rond het punt C

    Een signaal dat naar overal vertrekt en vertakt

    Even maar, dan weer meer tussenpauze

    Verwachting schept groei & dauwdruppeltjes van verlangen

    Geil animeert de ontluikende lust

    met de elexiertjes van 't beminnen

    Op tijd even polsen naar het knusse, het kusgehalte

    De aura overal rond lichaam; nodigt tot intense massage uit

    Niet te veel vergeten plaatsjes meer,

    weer in een zee van tijd, het mag allemaal heel lang duren

    Als een penseel met één haal, reist van beneden nu,

    onverwacht, van onder aan het kloofje,

    een vastberaden vinger door twee luikjes van voorlopig...zacht en wachtend opborrel genot

    het oerleven wenkt, gefluister & nog niet te luide kretentaal

    een groeiend aanzwellende aandrang

    gevolg van diepere driehoeksmassage

    gladde bochten, kuiltjes onder de huid ontdekkend

    terwijl haar tengere vingers duizenden cellen

    tussen eikenlipjes naar steeds meer buiten lokken

    op een heel klein traag ritme van ebbe en vloed

    dat nieuwe muze naar mijn vingertoppen stuurt

    wijl ik zacht haar borst streel en zalig laat wegen

    wijl 2 van m'n vingers een voorproefje van

    zachtjes tussen Venushuid en Clitje gekneld scheppen

    een soort met vrouwelijke mini rukjes aftrekkertje spelen

    maar dan wel heel zachtjes

    en na een tijdje, haar rustige gretigheid

    door alle mogelijke vingerdingenfantasie ontvlamt

    in passie die alle goede feeën uit haar buik je tovert

    de liefde die de drake verslaat;

    in een spel op één van de vele manieren die je ontdekt

    tot ontdekkingsreiziger riddert

    maar blijven minnen, kozen, praten met klanken alleen

    en woorden uit vreemd poëtische oorden

    fluisteren wat de hemel zich aan poëzie laat ontvallen,

    heel lang voor er van penetratie sprake is

    roezen beide wezens al samen op eros golven

    reeds lang mekaar eerst spiritueel gepenetreerd

    de biologische feiten,

    geboren uit de diepere verlangens en zoektochten

    van het mens zijn, ieder de vroegere en huidige verhalen

    in tantra gietend tot een nieuwe unieke vorm

    de biologische feiten, volgen,

    het binnenkomen en de ontvangst

    te intiem om in taal doen over te komen

    weer vertraagd eerst het voelen

    immer weer van uit andere uitgangspunten

    door het wezenlijke van Piem en Ku zorgvuldig aangegeven

    de diepere verlangens van die lagen van 't leven

    bepalen de versnellingen in ritme en stijl;

    wijl alle ledematen en 't al er rond

    voluit meespelen

    Wandelen bij avond

    Wandeling in het land van

    kanalen, sluizen, bossen

    waar her en der konijntjes hossen

    een zeldzaam huis

    door sprookjeshanden ingericht

    wandelend naar het volkscafé aan 't Sas

    de diepere lagen

    van de werking van de geest peilen

    gewoon langs gesprekken heen

    gedachtenenergie uit de lucht plukken

     

    Ero Roezen

    Opbouw van het inner innige intiem zijn

    Een geduldig wachtend bed krijgt bezoek

    Oranje gloedje aan aura luiert nog in de kamer

    Donker rood de Johannesolie

    Minutenlang de tijd nemend

    Om alle deeltjes, ieder wezentje van haar zijn

    Zalvend te beroeren

    In laten dringen de hemelse

    In de aardse liefde

    Na de lange avondwandeling

    Wijl lichamen zelf

    Ook weer druppelsgewijs

    Hun olie oppompen

    En er even en weer opnieuw even

    Ten volle gevreeën wordt

    Tot een ongekend oord van rust

    Hun deelachtig wordt

    Op grenzen van Boven en Onder

    Neigen ze in mekaars armen in te slapen

    Ontwakend weer bij zonsopgang

    De roes van gisteren als ochtendgroet

    De eerste pöezie en vertelsels komen vanzelf

    Onvermoeibaar lachend genieten van mekaar

    Lijkt het wel

    Tong op tong, aardkorstverschuivings gewijs

    Likkend alle deeltjes gebruikt om te spreken

    Om van het leven te proeven, ook zo

    Een lichaam heeft veel om spelenderwijs te ontdekken

    Twee plussen, twee minnen, steeds doorgaan met minnen

    Verschillende rollen en leuke verhaaltjes

    Zielen als magneten, spelend een spiritueel helend spel

    Naar mekaar en in mekaar gezogen

    Tantra opbouwend om alle onnodig karma

    Weer tot zuiver licht en energie te maken

    Overal intensief tegelijk bezig, verassend soms,

    op zoek naar uiteinden van wervels en vezels

    Een hand die haar weer eens intenser beetneemt

    Daar of daar en iets meer of minder druk ginder

    Spelend met opgewekte energie

    Laat ik me de kunsten van haar vingers welgevallen

    Tot ruimte en toestand afwisseld met ander genot

    Het besef voor uren één te zijn bij wijlen

    Gloeden en symbolen die samenkomen

    Langs de genen om nieuw leven makend

    Al blijft dat voorlopig naar aardse normen virtueel

    In de hemel weet men beter

    Dagelijks voortbordurend op andere en dezelfde info

    vertakken zielen en geesten zich verder

    via het spel der liefde,

    scheppende bio toestanden

    vol van Volt en zo van die Ohm dingen

    De wijsheid der genetica baart voor heel passende aura's

    technieken en spielerei

    we waren er beiden maar al te graag bei

    Lijkt of er in de verte Indianengezangen klinken

    Of zijn het dolfijnen in hun zang

    Of zangers van het woord

    Dat geliefden mochten beleven

    O

    Ero Angel Vibes : The room was filled with heavebly creatures, naked angels with all kind of marvelous colors of eyes and shapes. The only angel eartly present looked for my root above which my bio heritage and my penatrator arose. Her prune took some liquid from my bodily oil wel and made him swell even more whilst I started playing with her violin. All strings waiting to be put in the right vibration. Viibrating emerged from every ozon layer surounding each planet of every cell. Now spirtis slowly started exploding from within their nucleus. Spring setted in , producing summer, with lot's of waves of heat and roaring thunder. Words went looking for an intense dialogue with her and his most intimate parts. I, the poet remembered the essence on this very moment where he lay them down. octaaf

     

    Friese paarden en Volle maan

    2stoelen, aardbeien, drankje

    Wandeling naar de donkere trotse paarden

    Witte Manen in de Wind

    Kregen gras van buiten de draad

    Van De wijde wereld door hen bemind

    Wisten dat van zodra onze kussen…

    Hun voederen was van de baan

    En ’s nachts in een voorouderlijk bed

    Hebben we het in alle toonaarden weer gedaan

    Met zicht op volle Mie Maan

    Speels tussendoortje

    Zacht roffelend met vingertoppen

    Langs kleurige tepelvelden

    Stroompjes welven naar het buikje

    Maken even een ommetje langs ruggemerg

    Om via de geest uiteindelijk

    Op de Venusberg aan te landen

    Alwaar wie weet alweer

    Wat zal doen branden

     

    L’amour sur l’herbe au bord du pont

    L’orchestre des grenouilles de multiples sortes

    Nous accompagnait

    Le jeu du lumière parmis les feuilles

    Nous encouragait

    L’orchestre s’arrêtait

    Au carrefour ou caresses devenait penetration

    Tout d’un coup un oiseau chantait tout une autre chanson

    Que la sienne

     

    Caresses érotiques

    Elle le rend si fort si doux

    Me veut dans son corps

    Pour sentir encore et encore

    Dans nos yeux, jeus on s’ex-plore

    Il veut, désire qu’elle vient

    Sur cent façons avec ses mains

    Aussi les pensés, pensées jouent avec

    Quelle femme, quel mec

    C’est plus que se faire plaisir

    C’est sentir qu’aimer la vie c’est aussi jouir

    Ce n’est pas banale

    C’est comme un grand orchestre et un bal

    Pasé et présent tout, toutes, tous unies

    Cherchent à se combiner dans un lit

    Octave   Eindelijk schijnt de zon weer op m’n gat

    Eindelijk schijnt de zon weer op m’n gat

    Eros heeft weer heel wat gepland

    M’n edele delen geklemd in haar hand

    Ze kent haar poes nu zoveel beter

    Staat van tijd tot tijd meer dan wat heter

    Eindelijk schijnt de zon weer op haar billen

    Verzinnend vele leuke woorden en verhalen

    Soms vraagt ze zich af waar ze ze blijven halen

    Heerlijk dat lange minnen met zinnen en zinnen

    Lekker ontspannen over ’t leven te bezinnen

    Eindelijk schijnt de zon weer op m’n Pi

    Dit hebben we veel te weinig gehad

    Zo buiten vrijen in de natuur

    Wat een genot, alles zo puur

    Ieder plekje op huid met een stand gecombineerd

    Alle dagen veel van mekaar geleerd

    Eindelijk schijnt de zon weer op haar kruis

    Strak gezwollen borsten, eikel bonst bronz

    Moge steeds opnieuw worden

    Vermoeidheid Rust

    Rust Relaxatie

    Relaxatie Sensualiteit

    Sensualiteit Erotiek

    Erotiek Lichamelijkheid

    Lichamelijkheid Spiritualiteit

    Spiritualiteit Versmelting

    Versmelting Opgaan

    Opgaan Doorgaan

    Doorgaan Doorgenieten     je Deu(s)-genieter

    Gewoon gezwind haar zelve

    Uit het land van hele rode lekkere steen kwam zij terug om me aan de lichtere kant van het rood en de donkere kant te laten likken en ruiken. Na een week met bos en dieren en pamfletten en wandelen en al eens sociaal zijn met mensen werken aan het literaire en persoonlijke ‘voortijdig testament’; reed hij weer in de richting van haar noordelijker blauwe ogen en rode bos. Ze kwam bij hem en ze hadden het over Afrika. Blij haar verhalen vertellend, moeder, zus baby, d’ Afrikaanse familie, een land in chaotische ontwikkeling vol contrasten. Babel-en met de plantage arbeidsters en uitgeweken Belgen, het beleven van de rijkdom der erediensten uit een andere tijd, maar vol hoop en wijze lessen. Hoe mensen doen en zijn met al het grappige eromheen. Een lach en een traan en alle uitdagingen in het leven van elkeen, elkaar leren begrijpen en de eigen rol in het klauwen van relaties leren inschatten. Het begaan zijn met mensen van uit haar pure lach, haar grote goede hart dat velen goed doet, siert haar ten zeerste.

    Wij houden van ons

    De draaiende duim in haar of mijn handpalm. Teken van onze verbintenis.

    Na de proloogfietstocht in het woud maanden geleden

    En ons eerste privéfeest in mei.

    De boswandeling tot het buskot, natte regenkussen

    Weer thuis, de gelukte BH ontcodering van het sluitseltje

    Zalig gewicht van aan gezogen borsten gewogen.

    De hand naar beneden en de bio elektriciteit

    Vele totaal nieuwe gevoelens op de menulijn van ’t erotisch appel

    Keer op keer

    Moest ik zo dikwijls komen

    Ik ging van mijn stokie

    Tussen ons is het nooit zo maar fokie-fokie

    Het zijn paardansen

    Van strelende voeten en handen vandaag

    Een huid, verjongd, haast fluweel

    Van exotisch fruit of zacht meel

    Scandinavië ging eens in het land van oersprong oorsprong

    Langs en keerde weer

    Naar Centraal Europa

    Weer waren haar kussen anders

    Nog dieper willen proeven

    Peuzelen, inzuigen, belicht willen worden

    Niet alleen via de zon

    Wat dan ook na een halfuurlang overal tegelijk bijna gebeurde

    Alles in ons opfleurde, openging

    Nooit zomaar ‘bespringen’,

    Behendig klauteren van armen en benen

    Handen altijd vol van alles van mekaar.

    Paren om heel gezond te blijven

    Voelen hoe lichaamstocht met hartstocht

    Hemelstocht wordt

    Ervaren hoe een spirituele band kan zijn Allerlei beelden, plaatsen van samen op reis

    Flarden van medemensen

    Begeleiden sporadisch onze minneliederen

    Concentratie en de bonzend broze harde punten

    Soms omgetoverd tot een heus klein clity pikie het ene

    De andere, blijvend kloppend steigerend

    In gedachten een ode prevelend

    Ode voor een eerlijk liefhebbende verzorgende vrouw

    Het doen trillen van de kleinste rondingen van de billetjes

    Strepend met de vinger door haar streepje

    Glijden de vingers mekaar aanvullend, aflossend

    Kleine lippetjes en passant heel alert wakker makend

    Genietend en verzuchtend even achterlatend

    Om hoger wat rondjes met de zon mee, soms tegen te maken

    Af en toe wat druk en extra druk op zacht en hard

    Luisterend naar adem en inspelend op haar reacties

    Aan proberen voelen welke volgende zetten te overwegen

    Lijkt wel of we 2 continenten tussen 7 en 11 hebben bevredigd

    De tel kwijt hoeveel keer ze ,wel 7x7 de hemel in ging

    Om dan weer terug naar de ontspanning te glijden

    Naar een mimiek van toen ze nog jonge vrouw was haast

    Zalig, wetend dat je iemand op vele manieren gelukkig maakt

    Wij houden van ons.

    Het was de nacht van de dag waar ze van in de ruimte met de 7878

    Weer naar me toe vloog

    Weer naar onze fysieke ruimte toe

    Wijl het geestelijke er altijd is.

     

    Zalige voldoening

    .

    Viool en Roos foto 's morgens.

    De wandeling te midden de boswezens.

    Wortel en kruinverlangen van en naar de kleur van haar ogen.

    Na de drieknikkermassage in hout, metaal,

    glas in blauw, rood, geel, groen om haar lekker goed te doen.

    Wie weet wat los te maken of op zijn plaats te zetten.

    Wat niet zo de bedoeling was groeide uit het kijken van uit het raam.

    Het donkerlichtbloemige kleedje was het en de mooie benenethiek.

    Haar vrouwewarmte die de koele zomerruimte met een vleugje erotiek vulde.

    Later aan de rand van het water.

    Neergevleid, een paar okkernoten naast haar

    de andere paar niet om te kraken.

    Na het slaapje aan de waterkant,

    ontwaken ter opwekking veler electrodeeltjes

    op een aantal plaatsjes op te sporen en te verwekken

    dan de hele diepe sensiteit van het sexuele

    dat een feest werd door haar

    zachte manier van genieten

    en toch heel diep gaan

    25 werd ze terug die uren, meer dan een paar decennia jonger

    dat meen ik, is moeilijk te verklaren,

    is precies weer klaar zijn voor het smeden van een jonge kern

    Nog later, de hangmat werd een acrobatenboot

    in de lucht waarin zij na het zwevend vrijen heerlijk lag na te genieten.

    Intens ademen, leven was ons deel,

    ook gezellig aan de tafel met de ananas en nabeschouwingen...

    maar vooral het stijgend gloeien van de cellen in de paar uur na haar vertrek...

    bleef me bij, zalige voldoening.

    De delen van dagen dat er op volgenden en dan vooral die waar op we mekaar weerzagen,

    gevuld met natuurobservaties en gesprekken van uit warmte en delen.

    Woorden die tot lichamelijkheid leiden, met hele energierijke schepping er om heen.

    Erotische uitwisseling en hele fijnzinnige concentratie.

    Het counteren van dingen die te vast zaten.

    Queen and King in the wood

     

    Koppel liefhebbers

    Namiddag in zomer.

    Warmte en bries.

    Stoeien zwoel over ’t land.

    De vrouw, in tooi, betoverend mooi.

    Zorgvuldig gekozen textiel, nee, kunst…

    Met artieste ögen gekozen.

    De man om haar een fijne namiddag te bezorgen.

    Wandelen in een bos of aan een vijver.

    Allerhande wezens in en aan het water.

    Hij, achter haar, handen in mekaar verstrengeld.

    Zo stappen ze samen met vier benen boombeminnend.

    Komen aan een oude zitbank.

    Met nog metalen vering.

    Waar vingers alle spiertjes bijna overal ontspannen.

    Allerlei rijmpjes vergezellen het fijnzinnige gamma

    Van spontane kunsten met woord en beeld en huid…

    tot in het onderhuidse en zo meer.

    Groen werd het water

    Alle wier weg zomaar.

    Eendenkroos dat zijn kans ziet.

    Waterlelies al liggen wachten op de volgende lente.

    Duizenden gedichten zijn er over geschreven.

    Over mensen en dingen.

    Alle feiten die hen omringen.

    Over verbanden en details

    En groter lijnen.

    Over de energie die ze bijeenbrengt en verwijdert,

    Samenhangt

    Tot alle verhalen zijn voltooid

    En alles weer in een nieuw melkwegstelsel

    Ergens weer ontstaat.

    Missen en de vrouwelijke eros

    Paar dagen er tussen, soms al veel.

    Een hand, een tweede op zoek naar een derde, vierde.

    En naar alle andere eleganties.

    Speuren naar verborgen tekorten en kracht.

    Tussen heuvels, randen, lelletjes, rondingen.

    Langzaam opgebouwd feest dat sappen losmaakt.

    Intense emotie en dan voelen dat versmelt.

    Twee wezens.

    Zijn concentratie bij de regie.

    Haar innerlijke verlangen en ontvangen. Van geest die het lichamelijke mee verheft.

    Zelfs deze woorden brengen het mystieke al boven.

    Vibrerend op volgende keer weer

    Aantonen dat liefde in al zijn vormen

    Niets mechanisch is…en hemelen raken kan

    In het spontane beminnende verborgen.

    V-heuvel

    Geen haartjes, soms stoppelveldje.

    Rond het beekje dat

    Kabbelend op aanraking

    Zingend rond woorden

    Ontspringt, stroompje wordt

    Glijbaantjes ontlokt

    Van vingertoppen ballet

    Rond het groeien van het topje

    Van niet de ijsberg,

    Maar het ondergrondse eros verlangen

    Wellust ontdaan van donkere ruimten

    Langs het sensuele groeiend naar erotisch delen

    Het maken van opwinding ook omwille van de kunst

    Men doet het niet maar zo, mechanisch.

    Maar wacht tot het aanzuigen je seinen geeft.

    Of het aangezogen worden wieltjes krijgt.

    Seinen die zingen dat ze niet langer wil wachten.

    Liefje, met de gladde flamoesjes

    In je vallei met de geheimpjes van je zalige kloofje;

    De lekkere kleine binnendeurtjes

    Vingerkietelend beroerd voor even maar

    En dan weer langer, weekdiererig op weg

    Naar je paleisje dat af en toe liefdevol omknijpt

    Schalks ook wel, naar gelang het gevoelen

    Minuut per minuut, seconde per seconde

    Alle deeltjes van je ‘ze’ aldaar aanraken,

    Speels beminnen

    Even omhoog achter de lieve kleine klepjes

    Iets hoger vanboven, doorzweefglijden

    Naar het plaatsje van ontstaan van leven toe.

    Lange, trage, draaiende, afgewisselde bewegingen

    Monotoon traag zelfs of plots of geleidelijk versnellen

    Over alle schijnbaar weke delen.

    Zo vrouwelijk sterk.

    De essentie echter,

    Zonder lief te hebben

    Voelt men dit alles niet.

    De ziel, ze laat zich niet misleiden.

    Al beeldt ze zich soms wel dingen in.

    De geest, laat zich mede drijven op het pure.

    De liefde, ook die met het lichaam

    Houdt van aanzuivering.

    Die goede energie tussen mensen in de eter brengt.

    Soms ook anderen met het gevoel van leegte achter laat.

    Daar ze niet meer bij hun lichte herinneringen kunnen.

    Woorden, minnen en zinnen

    Liefdesspeeltje liefdesspel liefdesspelonkje

    Wordt er niet moe van

    Weet niet van waar woorden,inspiratie blijven stromen

    Het geestelijke speelse op het lichaam enten

    Handen die overal lijken te willen komen

    En tongen in alle mate penselen

    In drift en zachte golf.

    Aanraken, glijden, ondersteunen, knijpje of beetje

    In alle formaten tot wat juist op die moment nog mag

    Wie zal vertellen van waar de stromen ontspringen ?

    Die men van bij de bron ontspon

    Om uiteindelijk te drijven weer naar waar ’t begon.

    Geen koppel of twee zijn de zelfden

    Soms dromen, drogen stromen op

    Als onpeilbare roerselen der ziel te zwaar worden

    Of de illusie vaak van andere te ontdekken hemelen

    In de weg komt te staan

    Van zij die er wel willen voor gaan.

    Het hebben van zin om nieuw leven te scheppen

    Niet de cellen met 23 chromosomen die buiten moeten

    Nee niet zozeer, een beetje wel…

    Maar het zich willen blijven laven aan de bron.

    Vaste banen om ons heen

    Hoe rustiger men wordt

    Hoe meer ook alles om ons bloeit.

    Meer kansen voor hetgeen geneest

    Weinig zin heeft het, zich slecht te voelen

    Niet in eigen of dingen van anderen

    En daar in te blijven al helemaal niet.

    Omgaan met je waardevolste deel

    Tussen andere waardevolle delen van mensen.

    Waar je niet nerveus van wordt, je kent ze immers

    Voelt ze goed aan.

    Hun codes zijn soms sleutels van jou rust,

    Ook de codes van hun onrust

    Net als planeten en sterren

    Beschrijven we ook banen

    En al voelen we pijn of geluk

    Het zijn wetmatigheden samen

    Wie vermag er iets echter

    Tegen meteorieten die inslaan ?

    Altijd weer interpreteren van het observeren

    Hoe nieuw leven ontstaat.

     

     

    erotisch ballet

    °°°°voor ' t eerst, in het hare

    ...bed

    beetje rustig in mekaars armen

    bijna inslapen

    dan als een snaar hier en daar

    de erotische ziel wat uitdagen

    zachtjes, vinger als ruitenwisser

    zonder programma, haar lijnen

    van energie volgend, heel langzaam

    opbouwen tot weer alle sappen stromen

    en 2 als eenheid ervaren wordt

    drijven met altijd nieuwe inspiratie

    op haar stille soms versnelde genieten

    niet prijsgeven waarheen de nieuwe aanrakingen gaan

    momentjes kort en lang even laten wachten

    maar vooral diep doorvoelen

    laten blijken dat je echt lief hebt

    waardeert wat je met haar delen mag

    likken is niet zo maar likken maar

    rythme en muziek in tonen van druk en verschuiven

    en mond niet het enige wat kan worden gezoend

    de valleien onder het oor waar zuigen zoenen en likken

    samen het effect van eeuwig zalig gevoel smaken

    wijl handen zoeken naar de delen van de ziel

    die al enkele minuten niet werden beroerd

    per verassing afdwalen naar plekjes waar de aard van een greep, het zoeken naar de handen en alle andere branden de opgang naar diepgang doen aanzwellen

    aanzwellen zoals al die vrouwelijke deeltjes in je hand

    die zo gezond aanvoelen wijl het hele harpje met alle mogelijke dansjes van de vingers worden gemasseerd tot de intuitie met die vandaag ene lange haal door natte verticale lippen, aanwijst dat je jongen klaar is om wat voor het poortje te komen plagen en gewoon af en toe te beginnen met misschien wel naar binnen te komen schuifelen,

    maar alles niet ineens en mechanisch op dezelfde manier , nee, erotisch ballet komt er aan...

     

    erotisch ballet

    ontblote eikel van gezwollen liefdesacten

    lichtjes in de opening van nat fluweel vertoeven

    millimeters traag beetje naar voren

    draaien en terug als op verkenning

    maar wentelingen in het voortuintje van gecontroleerde smacht

    seconden minuten laten duren dan

    en oeps doorgestoten met vulling die wezens in mekaar penetreren laat

    niet zomaar de ene in de andere maar beiden gelijk

    en toch gescheiden, ontvangst en gift

    opperste moment van eikel richting oervrouw

    gaan en weerkeren met en zonder woorden

    al gelang de dag

    gepeuld worden en hoofd ontbloot langs nauwe wand

    olie op het innerlijke en erotische vuur

    wijl er tijd en ruimte blijft om boven haar te blijven zweven

    en toch nog handen om haar hoofd te strelen

    haar voorhoofd liedevol aan te raken

    licht door het punt tussen ogen te laten schieten

    wijl ergens op de top van een tepel een electrische vonk ontsnapt

    en in de lichamen overgaat

    benen volledig opgetrokken en diep ontvangen

    of een been naar links of rechts over één van de haren

    of alle vier gestrekt en glijden met wisselende intervallen

    tot geklit gevoel tussen twee vingers van diepe tevredenheid verhaalt

    en alle rondingkjes van gebil gekneed en zachtjes gemasseerd

    nog meer gesmeer loslaat tot nog meer smaak en zin

    dan, zit je eerst echt in

    en maak je ook tijd voor uitstapjes naar beneden

    na veel genieten van altijd weer het verjongde gelaat

    zabberen en vleienend vrijen met de tong op de mond van venus

    je leert het niet, het wordt uit je gezogen

    want zij slurpt je op en vertelt zonder woorden waar te wandelen

    te likken en hoe en slokt gretig ook een vinger binnen

    wijl vier anderen de billentjes een andere mimiek aanmeten

    na dat spel van iedere keer weer een beetje anders

    stevent je stijve lid dan weer naar ontvangenis

    alle plooien vervult

    in volle geest en helder lichaam op naar een uitbarsting

    begeleid met muziek uit rugge-en longepijpen en aurastoomstroom

    oh wat is dat schoooooooooooon

    uitdeinen kan dan eeuwig duren en intens verkluisterd vervulling vieren

    binnenin, nagenieten kan beginnen

    ommekeer, zij vanboven, alle cellen vanbuiten weer masseren

    zodat de boodschap vanbinnen weer eens te meer duidelijk wordt

    beminnen is concentratie en zweven, is leven en beleven

    de oneindige samentrekkingen en uitzettingen van het ons

     

     

    De Uitdaging. Paus Octavius de Eerste, een sporadisch opduikend gastauteur op een

    blog; besluit na zijn, voor een paus progressieve uitspraken over de impact van de eerste twee grote G's op de samenleving (Geldspeculatie en Godsdienstmisbruik - ipv filosofie) het over de derde G te hebben. U weet wel. Daartoe besluit hij nu een boek te schrijven met de titel 'Je hebt seks of je hebt cex'. Het zal niet zomaar het zoveelste boek rond seks zijn, naar zijn zeggen, maar een werk dat honderdduizenden al of niet alleenstaanden tot een serieuze bevraging zal dwingen.

    U zal het wel lezen bij het lezen van de eerste zin. Paus Octavius de eerste vraagt ook of U ,niettegenstaande dat U op facebook met uw eigen naam zit, de tweede zin zou willen schrijven, teneinde, moest hij zonder inspiratie komen te zitten, dit toch nog een collectief werk kan worden. Mijn gedacht vindt U op enkele van mijn minstens 24 blogs met ongeveer 2400 pagina’s. Ok dan. Hier volgt de eerste zin, U zal begrijpen waarom een paus toch altijd een beetje conservatief blijft, maar als filosofisch statement kan het tellen “ Is masturbatie niet het hebben van een seksuele relatie met je zelf en daardoor per definitie een homofiele relatie” ?

    http://heerlijkoverliefdepennen.skynetblogs.be   http://achjadeliefde.skynetblogs.be

     

    Filosofie, kunst en hopeloze zinloosheid

    Een aantal uitzonderlijk getalenteerde mensen in kringen van schrijvers acteurs… zijn duidelijk nog op zoek naar het soort inhoud die hun gave op een hoger niveau tillen kan. Dit is niet zozeer een verwijt maar een observatie van zoekende mensen in evolutie, zoals wij allen wel in meer of mindere mate zijn. Is dit echt een zo hopeloos tijdstip in de menselijke cultuur dat we moeten vluchten in tekst en klank of film die het leven als absurd of zinloos benaderd ?

     

    Moet men vanuit deze ‘nihilistische’ filosofie vertrekkend, alle hoop op positieve ontwikkelingen dan maar opgeven en net als vluchten in de drank of de drugs, schuilen achter teksten en beelden die het ondergangsdenken en het doemdenken in de kaart spelen ? Zomin als het plat commerciële mag het zwartgallige het hoopgevende en estetische in onze cultuurbeleving overschaduwen.

     

    Wellicht is het de bedoeling van eerder deprimerende experimenten van een aantal dingen op een cynische manier aan te klagen en soms lukt dat wel, daar waar ze iets als ‘humor’ in hun werk brengen. Te vaak echter blijven de aanklachten steken in uitzichtloosheid en veralgemening. Niet alle oudere mensen vinden de jeugd té dit of dat, nee…een minderheid bezorgt een meerderheid de reputatie van zus of zo.   Men probeert mensen al genoeg in hokken te krijgen…we zouden ofwel té softe of té macho kiezers zijn, oeps; alle sociale problemen geklasseerd zonder verder inhoudelijk debat. De vechtende gele, rode en blauwe T-shirts in Thailand…maak ik er alleen een schets van over de domheid van politieke actie zonder programma of leg ik uit en toon ik perspectief ?

     

    Iemand mailde me vandaag in verband met een vorig artikel van me, ‘de duizendjarige eik’, …daarin verwoorde ik wat een mens aan drijfkracht en bevlogenheid hebben kan…en dat idealen hebben iets is wat nog niet verboden is…en ze proberen uitdragen ook niet. Indien we blijven hangen in de ‘alles is shit’ mentaliteit, boeren we samen meer achteruit dan aan de toekomst te werken.   Ook het feit dat we allen een dag sterven, hoeft geen alibi voor doemdenken te zijn(zie artikel ‘de verrijzenis van bloemen’)

     

    1. Voor amateurs van theatermonologen, ik heb er nog wel enkele motiverende, filosofische liggen. Onder de ‘categorie’ filosofie kom je ze tegen…ik zou eens moeten een link categorie ‘theatermonologen’ moeten aanmaken eigenlijk.

    PS.indien iemand weet waar de ‘duizendjarige eik’ in Limburg ergens staat, laat het me weten. Wat me er doet aan denken dat in dit weekend van Pasen een 99-jarige vrouw op de drempel van de honderd overleed. Bertha, die vrouw kon nogal lekkere taarten maken voor de feesten !   Zo zie je maar dat haar leven in mijn ogen niet stopt bij de dementie van de laatste jaren. Kleur moet belangrijker blijven dan te somber.

    Al geven negatieve emoties en relaties en de maaatschappij als geheel soms aanleiding genoeg tot doemdenken, geef er toch maar niet aan toe; want alles en iedereen die hier rondloopt heeft redenen genoeg om dat hier te komen doen, we moeten er zelf wel doorheen allerlei hindernissen maar achter komen waarom.

    Octo 14/04/09

    He wanted everybody to be happy. From early on as a kid ‘everybody’ meant the people in the village where he grew up, his parents and grandparents, animals and so on. It might be kind of funny for a guy of 55 to wake up with these thoughts which probably were elder then himself as he sometimes thinks on his moments of analyzing what life and his life is all about. He wrote a lot about it in every possible style and about each domain in life, both in a scientific and literary way…until he reached the border where words have to give up and very special kinds of reasoning and feeling became difficult or impossible to describe. What started off as an idyllic picture of the world gradually changed in a real understanding of what is going on in this world as a whole…not only in his personal life…in the broadest sense possible. But let’s descend in too that ‘wanting everybody to be happy feeling’ was and became and is all about. One can wonder about it. Does everybody in fact wants to be happy ? Isn’t feeling unhappy a starting point to discover what’s wrong and isn’t being unhappy not both something that can lead to accepting reality and appreciating it ? Like in nature, moments of aspiration and moments of expiring of situations go hand in hand. It is the longing for understanding and comprehension and the feeling of wanting to be loved and wanting to love that motivates us to exist. As far as sensitive people are concerned that is…despite the fact that almost everyone has certain degrees of sensitivity within themselves…and intelligence. One can be very intelligent and almost have no human feelings towards people surrounding oneself…in combination with brain damage due to genetic heritage or a fall for example or in combination with a mental disorder or a lack of love or misuse in one’s youth; this can even lead to psychopathic behavior. Sensitivity is what really makes us human in fact. Being sensitive seems to have always been under thread in history, but in combination with positive intelligence it made the world and a part of the individuals and the collectivity they belong to progress, amid a lot of bloodshed and misery. So, where did his own journey began ? Which players would he encounter to understand the way life works ? Why and how had he evolved to wanting to write about life ? Why and how had he evolved from having compassion with unhappy people towards analyzing their lives in a critical but human and sensitive way ? What had lead him to his main philosophical question : “is there an energy which did not have to go through the evolutionary road of radiation, atom, molecule, planet, cell…and us to reach our kind of consciousness “ ? For others this meant there was a God or whatever name they gave it…for him it was more a feeling and a kind of energy…more a puzzle, both in a scientific and in a human sciences way…a story about making sense of nonsense. And what is nonsense in an energetic way ? In physics, when something tries to take a volume that is less or equal to zero…the situation explodes in little or big bangs, probably ever repeating themselves. So this means that, since everything is energy and energy is eternal , because it always evolves towards other forms of energy, life and we are eternal as well, taking under consideration that qualitative differences exist. So what all those words mean, is that ghosts cannot exist, because everything and everyone has a volume…and that when something or situations or in the end, we ourselves approach the point of too much pressure upon us…things have to change in positive ways…and hopefully if one continues that line of thinking…in a positive way after our dead too. The spiritual world, one cannot understand by dogma’s alone We have a lot of love inside us. When love often has been undergoing some painful tests and we still try to understand the reasons why people sometimes don’t get the real meaning of certain situations in a relationship and we keep on continuing trying to raise their understanding about the way life works…then there really is a spiritual connection between people, a thousand links to our daily lives and those of the ones before us. What is that love and were does it come from ? Should one continue the relationship (s) or not ? Sometimes one has no choice, because the other side wants to stop the relationship partly or complete. Even if one does not continue to meet each other, relationships of all kind continue; most of the time it isn’t even clearly noticed by the different degrees of consciousness. You probably know about the moments when you can reach a high level of communication or contact with someone. One even does not have to fall in love with them in each way. It’s a strange thing that one can lose one’ s love for someone and if one is lucky friendship and respect remain to chase away the nasty thoughts and images the darker side of the beloved provoked. The darker side is all about the unsolved heritages of the past and the ones one added to them in responding from the same or other situations. When one touches the real nerve of the condition of someone, that someone begins to defend some cultural or personal dogma’s that not always correspond with the truth about someone’s roots. (Listen to both words, ‘truth’ and ‘root’…they have a lot in common.) Each time, in each area other words are used to enlighten bits of what life is about. One only can talk about the practical things of life and add some humor while maintaining the relationships that need no digging in too one’s soul. But when the discovery of one’s soul happens spontaneously, another approach becomes necessary. The sentence ‘ one has got to know one ‘s self’, is often used and clearly this passes through others; this can become a very intensive process with a lot of avoidable and not avoidable consequences…for better and for worse. One can chose for a celibate life, like for example priest do, or one can chose to find out what the soul of a woman or a man really contributes in discovering what life and your life is all about. Each kind of relationship, whether as a colleague, a child, parents, grandparents, friends, lovers…invites us to really understand the different meanings of life. In the case of lovers, what are they really searching for next to the pleasant things body-contact can offer and not feeling alone ? When spiritually connected people can overcome their negative emotions their fingers become like camera’s reading each other cells…surely an almost ideal situation…making love with a lot of concentration and understanding how to really activate each other’ s body…and soul in a spiritual way…but it isn’t a guarantee that things work out all right, because of the karma who preceded that kind of relationship isn’t understood or one does not dare to understand. This can cause a lot of troubles…and indeed if there are other family members involved on both sides and if one tries to please everyone without understanding in which situation they find themselves in. It isn’t easy trying to tell other people what to do…especially if they aren’t ready for it, or if they are too stubborn. Also, when the relationship with ancestors and others isn’t understood it can become difficult to unwind the wires. Like in the telecom connections in the boxes on our streets there are certain connections between people and they get disturbed when things in our live occur that shouldn’t have happened to avoid complications, but in a lot of cases things couldn’t haven’t gone in another way. We experience things and we forget things, but when we reach the deep truth about a lot, we can tend to push it away, with a feeling of missing something as a consequence or we can try not forgetting the lessons and their feeling anymore and carrying it as a power in our consciousness…thus telepathically influencing things positively, all dough that SEEMS not to be the case sometimes. We cannot play ‘God’, but we can near the divine energy that make things happen mostly in an unconscious way. People who are aware of this should not try to escape by means of believing superstition or using unnecessary pills that burry a part of their body and soul and prevent a contact with their spiritual inner communication or dialogues which they could have had if they had overcome themselves and others. Often they cut ties with the one who really cared lots and lots about them, because the confrontation with their roots was to heavy emotionally loaded for them. Then they have the choice to enjoy life in a way they can handle, but in many case they make it worse. Sometimes the more distance one keeps after finishing a relationship or turning it in to friendship (if still possible), the better it will go with oneself or the other…if this means that one of the two for example will not take some medicine any more, the longing for the one he or she had to miss can come back and if that person is lucky she or he will not have to repeat the same road with more suffering then joy. Suffering surely will come when one discovers one has lost someone with the same roots. True roots, roots of truth. (almost poetry those related sounds in these words).

    Geplaatst door combination op 01:56 0 reacties

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    vrijdag 17 juni 2011

    On the border of impressionism

    Trying to pass the borders of impressionism. Because there are people one knows involved, no one can write a complete proza documentary about just what was one day in his or hers lifetime. Also due the fact that at a certain moment one is ready to begin writing such description, the reader will not be able to follow because of the complexity of one's past that is determined for a part by events in the past. So that is why one always has to choose between fiction and reality, between the daydream and the situations one has to adept oneselves on. Each thought is a novel on it's own if one would pay attention to it and mingeled with fanthasy a thousand novelles. Each dream is a puzzle of a lot of things that happened in a lifetime over generations. Time does not exist. Each moment of a minute, sometimes splits of a second, is so intense to write about that, if one is a writer, one cannot support any more in the end or just survive by observing and enjoying and making sense. In order to achieve a part of this wanting to explain about the codes of life in a narrative way, one should be a lot alone perhaps...I do not know, I'll have to find out...but the energy of achieving the aims described, is lacking me at this moment. Shall I try to write a prelude (french word,an introduction, which again is a French word ?) about the past or start with the day itself today or go to sleep for half an hour to recover ? Or shall I look upon you as my private detective trying to find out in this day to day story of mine, how my live and maybe yours was ? Woke up with my neck hurting more than the day before and a kind of fatigue that went away. Had a 'talk' with a virtual friend about dreams and situations in daytime, but then not trying to fix the events it self, but interpretate them on a broader scale. Nice that in English the word 'friend' is not substitute for male or female. A friend is rather someone one can talk or write with on a more or less the same dimension of vibrations. And if it's a virtual exchange one does not feel like one will have a suposingly real encounter where one falls in love and by consequence having to endure all the responsibilities, joies and hardships based on the realities of the other persons life. I dreamt that a bloke with a lot of primitive and rough and in a way brute fysical energy tried to seduce a friend of mine. He wanted to conquer her innocense in a mainly instinctive way. At first my reaction was 'let it go, it's not your life', but the feeling kept persecuing me and then I met an old tired Indian woman who told me to controle the blood pressure this has caused in my body. She maybe has saved this house of that soul of mine, and that is why my spirit is back on the track of continuing 'it's' spiritual tasks...for the sake of being a kind of assistance to all those who have managed not to live pureally superficial. Me and my neck rested for a while and the fatique due to a life with a lot of tasks and due to the part isolation, slowly disapeared a bit, due to the fact that I let my ghost speak to my tired body, encouraging it from within the spheres of 'heaven' present as well in everything and everyone on earth, but most of us do not really know or can't reach the same dimension any more or not yet. A cup of thee or coffee ? I had run out of water of the source in the wood, so it took some of the kitchen tap. The water was presumed to be the best, because of a lot of controle and addition of...I do not know. Nature's tap was to far away today for me to go and get it. The fellow occupants of my house were at work and I went outside to say the dogs hello, after eating some of the meal of yesterday and sharing the rest with them. The only animals whose meat I eat are, from time to time in a limited way 'chicken' and some fish from time to time. And hopefully, most of the time chicken that were not emprisoned in factories all of their lifetime. In a village with tries not to become a town, I met the young man who wanted to make a living of his dream, providing food and a drink to his clients, which were more friends to him. He asked me how my writing got along and I answered him I had started writing in English and that I still was helped by the computer to avoid spelling errors...but that the computer wasn't so human as to underline the words thought and taught, because they both are correct...but it depends on how you use them. This restaurant-café keeper has a replica of one of Renoirs paintings in his establishment. I look upon it at each visit and so I said : 'I saw the film 'la fabuleuse destin d' Amelie Poulain' lately again. While living in her world of fantasy, she always was trying to help people by bringing them together or playing jokes with someone who mistreated an other person. There was that role of a painter in the movie who was making a copie of Renoir's summer ball...he advised Amelie to grasp her own hapiness in her attempt to meet the love of her live...and in response the painter and other personages received a lot of blessings as well. There were some woman in my view on the owner of the 'goodlife'- terras, waiting for the buss at the other side of the street. One nice dark woman from Africa with a lot of pounds extra, sat on the stone before the window of a house...like as if she was meditating. Had she found hapiness in mariage or was she misused on this or the other continent...or in both cases and even if she was unhappy, was this the consequence of the wrong choices she made before she emigrated ? A bit of an Asian women came to sit next to here and they looked understandingly at each other, without talking. Do only coulered people take the bus in this place ? A Caucasian woman pushing a child in a baby-carriage came along...and an other white skin one with a happy little black-white dog came along. Wish Renoir was here. Maybe he was, with all that talking going on about him...as a consequence of what he did. Since time in fact does not exists, he must be somewhere, I thought. And while I write it I wonder if I did not write 'taught' in stead of 'thought' in a phrases like this. Sorry, no energy left to go back and correct it. It's a bit like life...the past, try to deal with it as much as possible, but avoid having to make corrections in this day itself. Make your day, not interfering to much with earlier evolutions who have had their flow. Try to have a panoramic view on people and things, or you will get lost among to narrow conditions. It is like a heard this man say in a documentary about Darwin and his Beaggle boat : "I love the Amazone, but do not expect it wil love you back. In fact the Amazone is very happy to see me coming...because it is very hungry : mousquittos, snakes like the anaconda, some fish...they surely love me in their own way. So did my cat and my chicken when I came home. The cat pushes her head against my giving hand to thank me and the chicken lays her daily egg and expects no special things in return...forgotten of the times when she was a dinosuarus. Maybe her kind has become humble through all these years of evolution ? Still there is a kind of mean dino-look when she mistrusts me and is not singing her relaxed song.

    Geplaatst door combination op 07:31 0 reacties

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    zondag 12 juni 2011

    A family called Humanity

    Economy’s daughter Social married a guy named Politics… And they had many children in different states and stages Situations tend to function quite a bit different then they are described in that part of the media that has to many readers or watchers. Independent judgment is only possible when one considers the situation and the needs of the world as a whole. Learning to put facts in a broader perspective, dealing with insinuations. The more one succeeds in doing so, the more chance a progressive policy gets. Most of let things go their way and only when situations are really too much to take and one unites only to save a part of the furniture, leaving structures as they are, because politically the social movement was an orphan. We are connected not only by blue lines (personal relations), but also by red lines, the econ-socio-politico-eco ones in fact. Our blue lines can benefit from a good condition of our red lines. The red lines are dominated by all political parties from far right to the spectrum of the left parties. If the individual no longer wants to stay without a voice concerning wars, poverty and social and ecological issues…or does not learn how to use telematics to oblige politicians to listen to them…the decadent part of politics will continue for much longer. (see text ‘to all’ on http://bloctaafblogartist.webs.com/apps/blog/ ) (and to ‘dear fellow world occupier’) on http://bloggen.be/conscience2008 ) We must obtain insight and a vision in order to understand history on his way to providing the planet with an ecological system of production so that in the end, if we plan this socially, we can span more free time in doing other things related to the meaning of life. Most of us have a daily life consciousness that prevents them from understanding what is happening fully and shows them in what kind of play they play. One has to learn how one can become as objective as can be. The higher the degree of collective consciousness the more possibilities for the individual. Why so many people rather like a populist then an intellectual approach ? They really want to show solidarity but they are divided in a lot of groups. questions for workers Why is it we are still being ruled by representatives of bancs ? Why you work so hard while so many are without a job ? Why is having a job not normal ? Why can't you easily find a new job ? Why our telecom services, our energy and transport are not free ? Why still not one worldcurrency or an administration based on need ? Why some of us need the discpline of old ideologies to function ? Why not our inner discipline or the one of our colleagues in charge ? Why not we but them should be afraid of doiing away with speculation ? Why does the same product does not cost as much everywhere ? Why is poverty a form of official slavery ? Why so few people control so much wealth ? Why so few robots comand so many soldiers ? Why religions are not as much spiritual then our inner energy ? Why imperialism calls war humanitarian aid, free world and democracy ? Why do criminals control economy, whether in USA,ex- USSR or Liberia? Why do tradeunions follow the games of bigmoney ? Why do we not understand that 'foreigners' can be workers to ? Why we still make weapons to kill our comrades elsewhere ? Why do kings and queens still exist ? Why not use technology and technocracy to build a beautifull world ? Why doesn't education teaches more about human sciences ? Why do we pay taxes aswell for putting mines as demining them ? Why do factories or aerocompanies close when demand is so big ? Why are farmers payed to destroy or not produce, while so much hunger ? Why so much short of housing ? Why our dogs and cats eat more money than some earn ? Why their system survives by means of crises, wars and exploitation . Why do we keep on collaborating while modern fascism is so strong ? Why our media talk in favor of what's going on ? Why is the right to vote, the right to say yes to the system ? Why don't we put forward our own program first ? Why don't we defend our own alternative in the enterprises we work ? Why don't we invite the jobless to join our reunions ? Why don't we develop our new strategy to put our demands in power ? Why we really want to show solidarity, but we are divided in lots of groups. …with no international action plan… LESSONS FROM HISTORY --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why don't we put forward our own program first ? Why don't we defend our own alternative in the enterprises we work ? Why don't we invite the jobless to join our reunions ? Why don't we develop our new strategy to put our demands in power ? Political essays in English, starting from page 79 on http://users.skynet./octo.be I wrote about articles concerning the situation in a lot of countries and about the way politics is been conducted http://filosofischverzet.skynetlogs.be (mainly Dutch). I wrote a lot about history and some essays in English can be found on http://bloggen.be/conscience2008 as well . (and historic tales of people having lived in certain periods as well on other blogs. http://voortijdgtestament.skynetblogs.be and the links. A complete mini overlook of history can be found starting from page 62 on http://users.skynet.be/octo (Dutch). I put all these things in to every kind of literature as you might understand following all the links that make a combined art piece of the totality of my blogs; dealing as well with philosophy, soci-econ-polit., history, psychology, love problems, religion, soul, spirit… . blogartist

    Geplaatst door combination op 01:11 0 reacties

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    zaterdag 11 juni 2011

    Losing Loves

    Losing loves Losing great loves. Close to souls who pass away. Lives that one must partly or almost abandon. Then recognizing them here and there. Losing loves. Ignore the feeling, invent reasons why… It had to be that way. Sometimes they are right. Sadness is never the same. Relieve as well, but from whom and who and when ? Always, ‘after this one’, not again the part of hurt in love. While there still are sparks of fire in the ashes. Relations. Always in other dimensions, other heights and tunes. Different situations from needs of others. From the own stories as well. Do experiences have to come and visit us again ? Does one have to go and search them in situations ? Unique memories and sensitive connections… Keep on connecting with the hart. Losing great loves. Close to souls who pass away. Sad ,happy or in the middle, never the same meaning with this one or that one. And passion also has seven tunes and colors. And lots of songs in seven styles. The simplicity of the white knight and the princes. To the land of legends these days. Pipi Langkous and Peter Pan don’t exist in adult world. Those who can stay that way, enjoy and hold it. Chose for each other. More complex situations…often more hard to handle. Losing great loves. Close to souls who pass away. The older one get, the higher the account. And in the end… Being light, always trying to be light. We were it, are it and stay it… Literally and philosophically at least. Between each other, depending from meeting how and when. After all those different kind of periods. Great loves that try to be friendship again. Relief and difficult test sometimes as well. Like everything one is not used too. Ignoring the bio, one can learn, integrate or not. One isn’t the same any more as who one was before letting go. One does not know always what to keep or let go. The games ancestors played and play with lives. That what one knitted oneself. Knitting in life, you don’t do it on your own. Some are not made in life…for patterns to tight. Whatever the degrees of comprehension. How little the degree of jealousy … Funny with who a lot sometimes and with who not and when. Good friends and become like children and wise men. Losing great loves. Art is born from it, as much as from joy. To bring people closer to the soul. And often it looks like getting closer to the spirit. Of one who nobody can derange any more. And only loves happy things. Knowing that life hold more in store with people… Then only romance and all kinds of passion. The spiritual world, one cannot understand by dogma’s alone We have a lot of love inside us. When love often has been undergoing some painful tests and we still try to understand the reasons why people sometimes don’t get the real meaning of certain situations in a relationship and we keep on continuing trying to raise their understanding about the way life works…then there really is a spiritual connection between people, a thousand links to our daily lives and those of the ones before us. What is that love and were does it come from ? Should one continue the relationship (s) or not ? Sometimes one has no choice, because the other side wants to stop the relationship partly or complete. Even if one does not continue to meet each other, relationships of all kind continue; most of the time it isn’t even clearly noticed by the different degrees of consciousness. You probably know about the moments when you can reach a high level of communication or contact with someone. One even does not have to fall in love with them in each way. It’s a strange thing that one can lose one’ s love for someone and if one is lucky friendship and respect remain to chase away the nasty thoughts and images the darker side of the beloved provoked. The darker side is all about the unsolved heritages of the past and the ones one added to them in responding from the same or other situations. When one touches the real nerve of the condition of someone, that someone begins to defend some cultural or personal dogma’s that not always correspond with the truth about someone’s roots. (Listen to both words, ‘truth’ and ‘root’…they have a lot in common.) Each time, in each area other words are used to enlighten bits of what life is about. One only can talk about the practical things of life and add some humor while maintaining the relationships that need no digging in too one’s soul. But when the discovery of one’s soul happens spontaneously, another approach becomes necessary. The sentence ‘ one has got to know one ‘s self’, is often used and clearly this passes through others; this can become a very intensive process with a lot of avoidable and not avoidable consequences…for better and for worse. One can chose for a celibate life, like for example priest do, or one can chose to find out what the soul of a woman or a man really contributes in discovering what life and your life is all about. Each kind of relationship, whether as a colleague, a child, parents, grandparents, friends, lovers…invites us to really understand the different meanings of life. In the case of lovers, what are they really searching for next to the pleasant things body-contact can offer and not feeling alone ? When spiritually connected people can overcome their negative emotions their fingers become like camera’s reading each other cells…surely an almost ideal situation…making love with a lot of concentration and understanding how to really activate each other’ s body…and soul in a spiritual way…but it isn’t a guarantee that things work out all right, because of the karma who preceded that kind of relationship isn’t understood or one does not dare to understand. This can cause a lot of troubles…and indeed if there are other family members involved on both sides and if one tries to please everyone without understanding in which situation they find themselves in. It isn’t easy trying to tell other people what to do…especially if they aren’t ready for it, or if they are too stubborn. Also, when the relationship with ancestors and others isn’t understood it can become difficult to unwind the wires. Like in the telecom connections in the boxes on our streets there are certain connections between people and they get disturbed when things in our live occur that shouldn’t have happened to avoid complications, but in a lot of cases things couldn’t haven’t gone in another way. We experience things and we forget things, but when we reach the deep truth about a lot, we can tend to push it away, with a feeling of missing something as a consequence or we can try not forgetting the lessons and their feeling anymore and carrying it as a power in our consciousness…thus telepathically influencing things positively, all dough that SEEMS not to be the case sometimes. We cannot play ‘God’, but we can near the divine energy that make things happen mostly in an unconscious way. People who are aware of this should not try to escape by means of believing superstition or using unnecessary pills that burry a part of their body and soul and prevent a contact with their spiritual inner communication or dialogues which they could have had if they had overcome themselves and others. Often they cut ties with the one who really cared lots and lots about them, because the confrontation with their roots was to heavy emotionally loaded for them. Then they have the choice to enjoy life in a way they can handle, but in many case they make it worse. Sometimes the more distance one keeps after finishing a relationship or turning it in to friendship (if still possible), the better it will go with oneself or the other…if this means that one of the two for example will not take some medicine any more, the longing for the one he or she had to miss can come back and if that person is lucky she or he will not have to repeat the same road with more suffering then joy. Suffering surely will come when one discovers one has lost someone with the same roots. True roots, roots of truth. (almost poetry those related sounds in these words). Some remarks about my essay-story : ‘there was live after dead aswell’ (see link) Does the negative energy of someone keeps on living in the spiritual world as well, or is it an energy that only continues to have an influence in the existing world ? From the world of electricity we know that a switch can be ON or OFF. Off means not in connection with the source. ON, connected. In the BIO –world there is LIFE and DEAD…in case off DEAD the qualitative attitude one has towards life keeps on empowering certain connections, especially if one has a lot of panoramic as well detailed insides into the different domains in life.

    Geplaatst door combination op 05:45 0 reacties

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    donderdag 9 juni 2011

    Quotes to meditate on

    oorspronkelijk nederlandstalige tekst : http://voortijdigtestament.skynetblogs.be/si-zinnigezinnenzoeken/ Life is a training in understanding, resisting and enjoying. To be able to support one another, one can learn. There always are ordinary, special and to secret reasons why people do not get along. After a hard winter, feeling spring, proud having survived. Do not become a slave of money and then just die. When one thinks about someone, often a library is opened in your head. The higher the wisdom, the more intensity of observation, calm, the more mature the deed. Such a strange ‘for’ feeling about others or yourself, where does it come from ? Sometimes we only remember the dialogues we did not understand. Analyzing what really happened often works on a longue term, afterwards. Thinking positively sometimes needs it’s blessings and conflicts. Drifted to far away from what you should be doing, it harms doesn’t it ? Existing in function of the energy one leaves behind and regenerate from time to time. The soul of a biological home, embryo, transformer to the spiritual world ? Ration and Logic fall in love with muse and fantasy and give birth to inspiration. Why is a first impression often so important . Do you ever get the feeling something very funny is about to happen ? Continuing doing what you don’t like sometimes for someone has an advantage. Out of free will doing something important with positive consequences, special event. When you feel too good, polarity is ready around the corner. What happens always happens on a scale of evolution. Something one completely forget, all at once it is there when one needs it. One loves hearing people talk, but not if it is empty talk. Orientate on your own strength to keep on your own course. Sometimes one hides info for you, sometime it is best hidden for you. Knowledge, red carpet for spirituality Letting go weight by laughing, observing, showering, moving, toilet, walking… . Marvelous, when taught flow through you without effort. Madness sometimes is a crush because of touching the sky to long or crawling too much. Distance and walking together, both needed. Understanding interaction in how things and situations come in too being. Images that become symbols of and grow and grow to more insights. Intuition is where one’ s soul reaches the spiritual world. Interpretation of events, emotions, feelings, intuition…a lifelong task. Like the weather, moods change, due to a number of conditions. Preparing for each kind of moment when one meets someone serves the dialogue. Sticking to a good feeling very often makes a lot more possible. Posing questions at one’s self and others with the aim of getting more conscious. In relations, separate the possibilities clearly from the difficulties. A sense full of words can have more implications then practical and psychological ones. Words are symbols of the daily as well as the spiritual. Space and time, a lot more relative then we might imagine. Send positive things in the direction of others, without always accepting missions. Just ask for the strength your inner needs, when strength fails you. Do there have to be studies about the healing power of knowledge, insights, wisdom… ? In each period of your life you awake in yourself the things you must deal with. Passing thoughts without words becomes easier when one exists intensively. Measuring the evolution of oneself and the people one knows, not so easy. To reach something, risk something even if it goes step by step and the summit is not yours. Through the ones you know you understands the total picture more, sometimes less. A searches for meaning is a kind of detective. Magnetism, pigeons find their way home, we need a map. Everything is a remix of what came before, with more and more consciousness. Dead. Like a train station near the see…it seems like this is it. Radiation. Physics. Chemistry. Bio. Soul. Thought. .Art. Spirit. Radiation. Do not be each other’ s volcano that prohibits one from flying. Burst out in something, that you get it over with. Understand who you are and that you are who you were looking for. Being is smaller than matter, but a lot bigger. Each one knows the way he is, but not completely. Evolution of radiation to our soul and radiation again. Holy trinity. Are seeds in the air aware of where they can land to flourish ? Put the top of a lemon in water and you get rings around the sun. Lives, living, constantly prepared. Prepare to want. The leaves of indignation lead to understanding sometimes. To be or not to be, but what is to be ? Watch out for accepting nearly impossible tasks. You are a part of the solution as well. Doing what one does, moment by moment. Getting closer to the spiritual is living through all ,passed to you, facets of the soul. Connecting the first impressions with the last for the time of being always. The more confronting reality is, the more one pushes it away. Not feeling well is not meant to push in the direction of others. The karma of our own lives is looking for balance. Do all personages know the meaning of the pieces they play in ? Emotionally this is both a dangerous as heavenly world. Our bio –soul- spirit produces better stuff then the factories of pharmacy. One knows who one is by understanding the past better. From an early age knowing what is in front of you, it does not work like that, but… . That one and that one one will meet, slowly understanding why. Dead. Return to separate elements. Radiation. Relations. Exchange ? Life is a daily preparation of improvement of the quality of being. One cannot remember all of the inspiration…it will find road to reach us again. Wisdom not only comes on a top, also by descending, resting, meditating. Dreaming, a surrealist remix, works of art with and without message. Earth, hereafter, thereafter, always NOW is more easy to understand. Time, does it exists only for those who do not feel well in their skin ? The past, that what was, always in repetition to prepare the next show. Both the literate and not literate do not always understand all structures. One often forgets, speaking words, thinking is energy as well. Energy has consequences. Energy is also faith, acting, believing… . Insight that leads to energy is shared, exchange, experienced, not only tapped. One cannot and does not have to be able to support all the pain of others. Being satisfied often helps against too much or too little. Keep on swallowing without learning, you must be wanting to become a zombie Each awakening is a change to write a prolongation. Wanting somebody at your side and only thinking of yourself is nearly emptiness. In the book off all, each person is one of the different kinds of personages. To give yourself your life back, understand it’s roots and plant understanding. On moments you realizes the meaning of it all…one feels great. On joins life starting from all those reasons for living of others too. You’ve got it, or you don’t…or nearly, but you can get it…what ? The meanings of the meaningful, hard to understand ? Nonsense easier ? Becoming is experiencing by observing and acting or not acting. Acting or not acting. The wright words, silence, listening, intervening... …by doing so, wisdom an progress come easier…interpreting the unbalances. In fact sometimes everything is too crazy for words. Connecting and combining while understanding is almost the French word ‘religion’. Make some time for nature from time to time. Observe and commentate inside, outside, free from stress and circumstances. Wish some good things from time to time. The greater your interests and your desire to know you are and what you can do, the more you can control your life. Emotions are a teacher in different phases. We can change direction every time we understand more and know what we want and don’ t want. Then we can act or not act from a balance situation…with the hope and believe that this acting will be positive for yourself and others…even if in the beginning it does not appear like it will be. Who can understand for others which direction will be positive for them ? The answers lay in our environment for the grasping if we really want…if we didn’t give up searching, that is. Without wires, there isn’t a single electrical lamp that burns (except for those with an inner battery). We exist because of inner power and connections.

    Geplaatst door combination op 23:58 0 reacties

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    dinsdag 7 juni 2011

    Letter to a father

    Thirty years after having written a letter for his father’s birthday, Ob finds a letter Ob wrote to him at the time, congratulating him on his 59th birthday. “It is not easy to contemplate, that is think and write about one’s father. It is obvious that one has respect and admiration in away, but not easy to put this in too words and make some critical remarks as well. I always knew you as an enormously hard working man and as someone with a feeling for justice beyond compare…as rare as your blood group. But above …you are someone in very close connection with nature. But what do I mean with all those words pa ? Hardworking. I am grateful that I have had a happy childhood and that I have had a happy childhood. I have never regretted that I had to work very very hard when I was young, I had a lot of useful extraordinary experiences in the field of cultivating and trading fruits. I have lived to see the complete evolution from a little farm, from horse to tractor to truck and so on…first on the local markets and then abroad in the East. I grew up in an environment with a lot of space and working after school hours, I did it to get a lot of weight from your shoulders, that of your wife, your brothers and others. It’s great to have space, land with fruits, storehouse’s, a whole village… . It has helped to build my character and perseverance. I like to take initiative and make my hands dirty and don’t stop till the work has been done. When I think about all those times we loaded truck with fruit from the region, delivered at our place or on the markets and the times we drove together with all that fruit to Germany in a number of cities having to load it back of… this was quite an experience. Watching you trying to keep awake all night and in the morning sleep for a couple of hours and drive back home to give your orders at a few the workmen of the village who helped with the trade and a couple of miners who didn’t want to work under the ground any more, but spend their days between the fruit yards. I watched you when you drove. The expression you had on your face, pure enthusiasm, is unforgettable to me. It was the look of one who is a 100% pleased with what he was doing and believed entirely in it…it had a purpose as all lives have, yours had as well. Your motivation went along with an ability to hold on that I did not meet a lot so far. It’s amazing that you still look like an ugly old man yet. “ “Only two aspects of the way you are, aren’t in your and our benefit. In stress conditions, you sometimes wind yourself up to much and you want to do everything by yourself then, then blaming us or the workers when things do not go the way you think they ought to. But that doesn’t bother us anymore, because we have become used to it. Secondly, you are too good with people sometimes, you want to make a compromise most of the time, even if it isn’t in your benefit. It will get you bankrupt if you don’t watch out. Even on the non-business field, in a human way, you give in to quick sometimes…instead of letting others clean up their own mess. You do have a lot of knowledge of the human character but often you judge sharp,, but to quick maybe ? Or am I not old enough to understand ? Let’s just say you are on the watch for others a lot of the time…maybe that’s because of the unnecessary benefits you give them…and not knowing you are sometimes fooled ? A lot of people were killed in the war you lived and had to hide from and your father as a member of the resistance saved many lives and the local resistance was not to blame for the terrible revenge the village went through for it’ s actions…do you feel as if you must make up for the whole village ? Nevertheless you are a good teacher in combining the worries of the past with the reality of today and the future’s joys of tomorrow maybe. “ “I did not continue your business. Rationally I hadn’t got the money for it an subjectively I am not a trader…and one part of you isn’t also. For too long I felt as if I did you wrong by this. One thing I know for sure…everything has a reason and the art of producing fruit will go on…if not in then outside the family. I loved the years I was a fruit worker in your and your brother’s company…I loved working on the land more than that trade and that too complicated for me accountancy around it. I have my own family to take care of. Sometimes I wonder that a thing that you wanted to pass me in life, ‘being religious’, I haven’t got it in me because I behave more as a philosopher and an artist and political militant. You really think so ? I have taught a lot about those things and I tend to look for a neutral bridge between all kind of sciences and religion. The fact that you not often see me in church, does not mean I haven’t got ‘it’ in me. I behave more as a Christian in believing and acting in and for a more just world, then by going to church and I will try to hold my family together and raise my children…but these are quite other times then when you grew up and started a family. I try to life my life consciously and with a good conscience. From all off the children and husbands and wives and grandchildren, ‘happy birthday’.” Once father had retired, he began to read ancient texts about religion and others…two of them I found recently back again, ‘In the light of the truth’, must be something like the gnosis texts or not, he would have a look. ‘In the Light of Truth’, So there stood : ‘in the Light of Truth’. Looked to me like the writer was trying to say that there was indeed a more powerful consciousness than ours that did not have to go all the way our evolution had to pass by from waves to atom and cells. Under that level would be a kind of distributing in between server or ‘light’ distributer…I ‘ll give it my own metaphors to help understand. The text was not referring to any religion in particular or race. When making an effort to do what is good one gains credits, so much was clear. The author used also the argument that we often meet again in different lives. He sees no border between the here and hereafter…this I can understand (see my text ‘there was life after dead as well’), but I have my doubts about that classical reincarnation. One would wish it was true, seeing the burdens to overcome in some families…but there have to be certain laws that guide parapsychological energy. And I think those rules function according to the energy present in ancestral telepathy (gone, but not dead) en present energy also under one of his forms : present telepathy. He goes on explaining that what you think and feel is very important, because it makes links and attracts other people’s thinking and feeling, so in order to not get involved in thinking and feelings of people who think negative of life. Again this logic starts from a presumption and that is that the same positive energy attracts the same positive energy and good intentions. But is more complex than that. There are a number of stories before us that wait for completion and the two kinds of telepathies who are one in this world, make happen that what is logically and obvious to follow out of older events. According to the principle of thesis, antithesis and synthesis often, things happen, children are born, the second never the same as the first. Our free will consist in understanding our own situation in the world around us and choose for our typical own way which corresponds with our real soul…not so much a copy of our ancestors but our surplus. Does that surplus feels well with this or that person ? Of course if I am wrong then we are all perfectly living together and at an early stage in our being young we chose the wright partner. To make this basic picture complete, I could add that at a certain time only ones condition an choice is possible. Not everybody needs the same and everybody should evolve from within if one is a bit on a negative road. What must I remember of all this ? That I shall encounter the things I feel, speak and think one day in the rest of my lifetime(s) ? If you have a Jack Russel and you educate him to be a hunter, it can be that he starts searching immediately when you come home because of that or mainly because he is a Jack Russel…I think both arguments are true. If every taught stays in connection with you… there is an gigantic net surrounding people. The author says that time does not exist, so we have time enough, it is all about the evolution of our inner communication in response to our connections with the rest what is…and that rest is one with you. All you have to do is wanting to overcome negative things, so is written. But what if in fact the positive and the negative interact because both can get wiser ? And we all know we have are stronger and weaker parts…so in interaction it is almost impossible to not think now and again something negative about somebody dear mister Abd Bernardt, with all respect. Wanting the wrong thing represses and wanting good things, lift up, I know my friend. People worry too much and have depressions, not only because of the economic system. And what about those gnostic scriptures ? They seem to have more of an insight, inner approach to religion…by learning from one’s own experiences, and confronting them with those of others, from a bit hesitating to in the most open way possible one gets to understand the ways of the soul, the mental world…and one becomes more open to a meditative approach of present and ancestral telepathy. Some of the old gnostic texts show prove of this as some of the current ones as well. More people than you might think are ‘agnostic’…learning by what they feel in their inner and not taking some dogma’s of churches for the one and only truth. In 367 after JC the church of Alexandrië under the guidance of Athanasius (Athan-nasty-nes) forbid the gnostic texts and the followers of the gnostic groups hid the texts who later reappeared. Maybe some people in opposition to the gnostic were afraid of discovering the inner, which might lead to some aggressive reaction towards others. An intuitive knowledge of ‘God’, like the gnostic called the divine hierarchic energy includes wisdom about people and life and oneself, also about knowledge of all kind itself. Whether starting from life or starting from texts, one can always work with both to approach a good interpretation of the world and life. Gnostic see everything more in terms of being not aware about things, rather than only talking about sin and forgiving. Their tradition goes partly back to the ancient traditions of the east, but trying to make the bridge to the rest of the world would only take a start longtime after the documents were found in the second half of the 21th century. A number of people are not open to a gnostic way of living, others can only understand through metaphors. How does one explain that one can reach a place of peace inside oneself ? ‘The light which hasn’t got a shad’, surely they mean the waves, radiation, aura… ? ‘He knows all spaces, even before they existed’(before the big bang ?). “Earthly bodies often part for earthly purposes and live apart for earthly reasons…but the spirit lives safely in the hands of love and after dead it brings the connected souls back to God.” Esthetically written…and it makes me think that a lot of people are boycotted in their love on earth, by ancestral telepathy and presence of people who are not so close to them as one thinks…but they need them for a number of reasons in the past or present. To be honest, a lot of people would not like meeting others under the form of telepathy…but if they do not want to attract telepathy they do not like, they must let go inside and take a position of inner indifferent equilibrium, separating the positive and negative in each character. If one ask people for the definition of love, one gets several answers, according to one’s experiences. Here are some links if the heaven they taught me exists and you are boring yourself over there : http://voortijdigtestament.skynetblogs.be

    Geplaatst door combination op 05:38 0 reacties

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    zondag 5 juni 2011

    Have a taste of spirituality.

    1. In the beginning Last week I went to an exhibition about the history of the universe and the necessity to save the planet. It’s a real wonder what came from the big bang, which symbolically means that something without a material form cannot exist, because something almost equal to zero tends to explode. The first moments after this event there only was radiation and then the first atom and so on until our consciousness. The question whether there is an energy who did not need all that road towards our consciousness, I leave to teologists to dispute about, but there is more God to be found in science and especially in man and woman and their relationships and in people trying to help people in a social and individual way, then in sterile debate about texts who DO HAVE THEIR OWN VALUE to be interpreted in their own époque. All dough some texts show that they know a bit of special energies and this at an époque that science did not have the same knowledge as today; which proves that there is a relationship between the dead and the living, between ancestor telepathy and present telepathy…it are always the sums of both which determine what is going to happen, which words shall be spoken. The final goal of economic, social and political history is that human kind should learn how to produce in an ecological responsible way and divide in a social way…in order to have more time to enjoy culture and to try to get the meaning of life by understanding who others and themselves really are. The spiritual world one cannot grasp by dogma’s alone. The spiritual world tries to combine the struggles between positive and negative emotions on a small and larger scale. It is depending on the free will of people to act in a way that life becomes more and more a conscious way of dealing with things. A number of people have so much love in them and that love has often been so misused that they try so hard to prove to others where that love comes from in fact…from the spiritual world. They can feel what is missing in others and where it went wrong as well as the negative sides those others have to coop with. By doing so, if the ones with few negative emotions inside, become more and more enlightened about live. In fact that is why everyone is looking for tenderness in their lives. Some have forgotten about this desire and replace it by all the practical things of life, who aren’t a ‘bad’ thing, but it has become their whole life practically. One often cannot blame those people by acting so because of the fact that unconsciously they know about their ‘pain points’ and it is too much of a burden to talk about them or chose other directions. They work and work in the material world, with no time for contemplation about life. They have relationships whereby they forget that in being truly together with someone who really is close to his soul and the spiritual world means being able to live with less food or less stress. If someone lives together with people that don’t believe in the spiritual any more one of them or two of them lose the respect and the friendship and their love in the end. When one touches the real nerve of the personal condition of someone, one begins to defend some cultural or personal dogma’s. In dealing with practical people one can invent spontaneously some funny things to talk about, but it will not or no more o further, but in doing so you create a little space in them. To reach people who still want to make an effort in touching deeper layers in each domain of life one can have a really deep conversation. But when one want to remain on a spiritual level one has to remain with the positive and this isn’t an easy task considering the ancestral telepathy and the present one, continuously influenced by people with less consciousness about a lot. In relationships the degree of wanting to dominate others is an important factor which not only has negative consequences if someone needs a guiding hand still. There are so many interesting questions one can wonder about after reading “there was life after dead as well” ( link : http://bloctaafblogartist.webs.com/ Does the negative heritage of someone keeps on living as well in the spiritual world, or is it an energy that only continues to have an influence in the existing bio world ? Both the strong and weak parts continue their story here, but spiritual energy hasn’t got negative parts, we only can create them, or are almost obliged to create them by the sums of as well ancestor telepathy as present telepathy.
    2. The energy of consciousness plays a telepatical game with our telepatical and other exchanges In function of who we are and what we want and of who needs what in fact. Those who know true events and words that their interpretation was wright, can have very good flash backs and discover connections between things and people better. Those who understand as well, or in lower degrees; but who realize that they were partly or entirely the cause of misdoings to others; can have good understanding of things as well, but in less agreeable dimensions. Do not blame them to much, they are seeking to escape from both sides of telepathy. Life puts people on our roads, sometimes we like them a lot till we find some angels who need the help of angels. In the process of helping them (and at the same time in a way, us, no matter the emotional road downwards they can provoke)…in that process they do not always like us for the effort…and by getting tired the stronger ones don’t always have the wright reaction…and the weaker ones can have very strong inputs as well. If there is something troubling you, have faith that it will resolve it’ self and trust the inner spiritual energy who is inside you or wants to be inside of you.
    3. Poems The heat is gone The heat is gone. Night has fallen. Dark clouds refresh. The light leaves the window. Between white walls of a yard, Bats dance the radar dance. Soon as you think they’ re gone. One comes back. Always the same maybe. Picking the mosquito’s before my face. No blood of yours for them. In alliance I leave the light on. Thinking while absorbing time and place. The brain is a dark place… But a lot of light is being transported. There’s no such thing as a bat in your head… A bat that picks away parasite taught. You are your own bat inside. New couple New couple. Often it goes like this. They find a lot in common. A lot to blame their ex-es They think their trust was misused. Struggle with the lust for change inside. Wondering whether to enjoy the lust of new lives. Rediscovering to be glad. They stop holding having something Against the ones who cheated on them. Experiencing the newly found joy THEY Must have feld. But the new love story often ends… As the old one… And insults and hurt replace tenderness again.

    H.not easy to be a messenger Like I said to my cat the other day : “It is difficult trying to be a messias these days. If you only knew what is happening in the world or what has happened in my life, you would jump in to a tree and you wouldn’t come out”. Without followers one often talks to one’s dog or cat. Nearly all possible things that can drive a man crazy, have happened to me or I have seen them happening and who know what is to come. Good, bad and terrible as well as heavenly. That is why I find myself in a good balance between experience and not having to go through some stages I already witnessed. I drink my thee with honey, the water comes from a practically unknown well and I’ve decided to continue to be a messenger. One can be a messenger as well in daily life, in family and so on…but I long time ago was pushed to arrive at this moment in my life…translating this originally Dutch text for those I have not reached yet in that language. I already used a number of ways to try to express partly a social and partly a psychological and spiritual message. I try to think and talk and write about all possible issues in live, including philosophy, religion (faith) science and spiritual things like telepathy and the meaning of it all is to generate enthusiasm and participation to make this a better world with more people having more time to understand what they are doing here. In school I was critical, on my work I tried to do something about the social and political consciousness of my environment. On a familial level I gave every one, including myself in the end the freedom to do their own mistakes. On a political field I noticed that a number of parties were ego minded further on the right and on the other hand the center often swinging to the right and the left as well, with some inside opposition or a great division at the left side of the left. I proposed to overcome it by adapting the old philosophical dogma’s of the left, making room for science to prove that eternal live indeed is possible. I invented a new political neutral system of worldwide telematics elections, based on an election to approve a worldwide social program without arms production and equal terms of production and the abolishment of speculation with money and raw materials...etc. I met a lot of people in different ways, all wanting the same while war after war and economical cries after crisis occurred. Artists, politicians, social workers and each other profession, all on their own, like we often all on their own, occupied with their social and personal problems. Those personal problems often prevented them from getting more and more conscious about the mystery of life and the ways it operates through us. We must unite more and more, we started of from one cell and we are spread genetically all around the world…interconnected more than the internet.

    1. Between soul and spirit She bit her nails till bleeding, you did not know why yet. She kept a distance, did not want children it sometimes seemed. You did not know why. You taught that you could help her with her child wounds. She loved and sometimes pushed away. Wanting to finish the relationship. What should you do ? Isn’t the past of generation stories always pushing true ? Stories of joie and terrible ones she had shared. You kept on believing that improvement would come through you. You have wanted children. Everyone who comes to play his role, will come. After three years apart and a dozen living together. A man as enemy image, due to the past was there again. You were man and guilty in a way. Can one carry on trying to help ? When therapy with the guilty ones back in time lacked ? Then came new listening ears, a new shoulder for her. You noticed that there was something you did not know. Material things also counted, hopefully not. One cannot stay with somebody that understands your life in detail. One cannot stay with someone who’s inner calm you can’t support no more. One cannot stay in that calm when the partner doesn’t want to be nice any more. Opportunities to overcome the negative part of instinct follow… Revenge is waiting around the corner…you want someone else as well. You were new in this game, it takes you with it, on the run. Somebody else, with no heavy burden on the shoulders,… Is surely waiting out there somewhere. Forget it, because you are here to learn about every possible problem. And your solution…making theory of experience in practice. While knowing that staying nice and tender and helping is the real solution. Staying in good mood and helping each other and others. Always hoping for true love and encountering ancestral and present problems. You notice some need some to maintain their relation or something in between. But you do not get it yet, because you are in love. After the cycle of understanding, letting go, comes the essence of the pain…entering by means of something that happens to others or words spoken. You had to write about it and play roles in the lives of others. Constantly adapting to different stages of situations. Until one becomes like an old three which skin wants to burst. But this is something for the future you hope. Nature can comfort you, two pigeons come to drink water. Let go tiredness and al this above and other terrible things in the world. You carried too much on your shoulders, like so many in different ways. Wars never stopped from the days you were a child. Carry less and take your distance. Rest a while in the sun, it’s spring again. Travel in your fantasy to a place near mountain and see. The light that never becomes dark, that only can be somewhere. There’s no light in the brain but a lot of light being transported. Because you keep on loving life. Because of stars and planets, forget men for a while. Matter contains space as well. Create some space in your own. You’ll have to keep on going on, no matter what. Only through ones again descending in pain ? By seeing pain as tragic and comic ? When you have a good day it will reflect in to the others. We are all healers true words, connections, tenderness, joy… But confrontation as well. Through a good inner relation as well. We travel with people who want to do good things over again... But they do not understand with who they can and can’t. Spiritual bands are not to be broken. You can’t even try, even dough you think so. Be glad to be in good health and love your senses. Your life, do not express it in suffering, but in wisdom and feeling good. Try to understand your own happiness and don’t blame others to much. Forgive each other, some have difficulties in coping with life. But again, do not carry to much weight of others on your shoulders. Wanting someone back again isn’t always a way forward.
    2. Daily Waves in modern inkt Left my wood one day My wood where people looked for serenity. Discovered a wood, hidden in a town. Where ecologists do good things. And I offered them my help. Went in to town to tell the news. But got a load of emotional stories about modern pain. Could not take mine any more… Lost my good temper…but it was in vain. The message of my wood, not understood. Forbidden to be too complicated, just talk along. Frustration isn’t something for a public place. It’s to be ventilated at home… When tenderness has gone. Back in my wood nature, telematics, internet the floating software of the one spirit receiving trillons² of needs sending trillions³ of possibilities with each time just one match for that period in time of being telepathically connected drive of unfinished stories of past and present wrote a poem about a bat to escape from battle before it was on the net 3 book friends had used the word too 7 colors 7 sounds 7 continents 7chakra’s 7positive emotions 7negative emotions /7 senses/7 souls/7good intentions Came near to things hellish and divine Cracked both codes Will keep a distance, thus no more someone’s or me to blame. For the one percent of mistakes and wrong interpretation. Being aware of once, one emo-link to many in nerve breaking conditions. A lot of people preaching how to let go and be and live independent. A lot of them live alone. A lot of them get hurt. And when they ‘ve learned from each other to abandon or let go. They often forgot they were each other ‘s missing link. How can one be afraid of a missing link ?

    Geplaatst door combination op 10:30 0 reacties

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    Oudere berichten Startpagina

    1. Abonneren op: religie is niet zo zeer 'godsdienst', maar het verbinden (relier) van wetenschappelijke, sociologische, psychologische, en alle andere culturele uitingen om de ziel aan te leren op een filosofische manier in het leven te staan en de oneindi...ge zinvolheid van al hetgeen in jezelf en anderen te ervaren is, zoveel mogelijk aan mekaar te kunnen linken in de dagdagelijkse introverte en extroverte ervaringen en zodoende het zinloze meer en meer te neutraliseren. Filosofie : shit is necessary, but keep it clean zinvolheid van al hetgeen in jezelf en anderen te ervaren is, zoveel mogelijk aan mekaar te kunnen linken in de dagdagelijkse introverte en extroverte ervaringen en zodoende het zinloze meer en meer te neutraliseren. Filosofie : shit is necessary, but keep it clean !zinvolheid van al hetgeen in jezelf en anderen te vinden is aan mekaar te linken in de dagdagelijkse introverte en extroverte ervaringen…en zodoende het zinloze meer en meer te isoleren
    2. de essentie van verhoudingen tussen mensen is te herleiden tot de structuur van een atoom, kind van straling : neutron in kern (ladingen +en- in evenwicht)-zen positie of proton (positief geladen, al of niet reacties aangaand met de buitenwereld-elektronen, negatief geladen)-niet in morele zin…in zekere zin komt deze fysische verhouding ook tot uiting in de chemische evolutie die eerst naar de cel en in een volgend stadium naar de celdeling en de seksualiteit leidde.
    3. Ook in de seksualiteit zijn er een aantal benaderingen, conform aan de structuur van het atoom zoals in punt 2 geschetst : je hebt neutron geaardheden, de niet homo++ of – (eigenlijk gemaskeerde -+tegenstellingen) , die ook niet tot hetero geladenheden te herleiden zijnneutron, proton, electronen, reageren of onverschillige evenwicht
    4. Al die geladenheden kan men ook onderscheiden in de psychologische genetisch overgeërfde componenten van een individuele samenstelling, het individu is om het met een micro macro vergelijking uit te drukken, tegelijkertijd soms centrum, ster, +- als planeet+ of maan-, alnaargelang de wisselwerking in interaktieskleiner of gelijk aan nul bestaat niet, want benaderd zinloze en dan big bang
    5. Alhoewel in eenvoudige bewoordingen, gevoelens, gedachten, …eenieder veel kennis en wijsheden doorheen het dagelijkse leven zelf kan opdoen, …is het heel diep en panoramisch en overkoepelend en verbindend ervaren van de geestelijke dimensie ervan, iets dat is weggelegd voor de meerdimensionale observatorook in relaties gaat punt vier op
    6. Eenieder heeft een bepaalde genetische gecodeerde zielsopdracht met betrekking tot het aantrekken van anderen om de voorouderlijke verhaallijnen ergens een vervolg te geven. Een voorbeeld, het overschatten van de goede kanten van een bepaalde ziel, wat tot verliefdheid leiden kan met als doel de minder sterke kanten van één van of beide partners te versterken in een volgende generatie…omgekeerde of uit beide situaties afgeleide posities zijn ook wel mogelijk.en in maatschappelijke ontwikkelingen     enkele axioma’s :
    7. Zeven kleuren, tonen,…uit wetenschap valt wetmatigheid af te leiden, andersom uit dingen ook

     

    1. Mooi zo, we kunnen weer wat schrijven. We, de complexe, maar oh zo eenvoudige eenheid van geest die dit neerpent.
    2. Alles van uit het standpunt dat ook diegenen in wiens leven je verwikkeld zit, je leven voor een stuk bepalen.
    3. Daarom ook die we, van de eerste zin. We zijn een telepatisch geheel van verbanden en gevoelens en inzichten die aan kwaliteit werken.
    4. Met wat we al schreven namen we reuzestappen, ik, diegene die het opschreef, heeft altijd wat voorsprong en achterstand tegelijk.
    5. Achterstand, qua niet altijd volledig direct de zielswereld van anderen te begrijpen, voorsprong omdat, eenmaal ik die door ervaringen begrijp, ik een grote inhaalsprong maak.
    6. Voor elke nieuwe aanzet tot analyse, lijkt het als of de droomwereld van 's nachts niet genoeg is en de dag korte rustmomenten telt waar alles overwogen wordt.
    7. Een soort Passing It All -PIA (een overlopen van vroegere informatie over toestanden en axioma's met de huidige fasen en mogelijke projekties naar de toekomst toe). Voorsprong ook vooral vanwege allerlei inzichten op alle domeinen van het leven, abstrakt of concreet en de uitingen hiervan op velerlei literair en ander gebied.
    8. Zie alle linken op 'voortijdig testament skynetblogs' en vertakkingen ondermeer naar fbookplus mijn tabel 'TOOLS' hulpmiddelen van de menselijke geest.
    9. Bovendien moet je qua spiritueel-psychologische dingen in je omgeving een aantal mensen kennen die symbolisch verwant zijn aan diegenen die de schrijfer kent.
    10. Zie ook de symboliek uit het kortverhaal 'Er was dus toch leven na de dood'
    11. http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/tag/er+was+leven+na+de+dood
    12. Om het bovenstaande te begrijpen, zijn al die inzichten en bijvoorbeeld professor Carl Jung zijn symboliek van de droomwereld niet voldoende.
    13. Om een beetje te kunnen volgen moet je er van uitgaan dat materie en anti-materie één zijn en moet je de symboliek van het objectieve wetenschappelijke aanvoelen.
    14. Spoken bestaan niet, want iets zonder vorm kan niet bestaan, wat zinloos dreigt te worden, kleiner of gelijk aan nul, neemt andere vorm aan.
    15. (Zelfde principe van de big bang, waarna straling, fotonen, atomen, moleculen, planeten...cellen, xx, celdeling, organismen... wij.)Het ei was eerst, niet de kip.
    16. Al deze dingen die van het microniveau vertrokken en vertrekken (en eigenlijk vanuit uitwisseling met anti-materie) hebben ook macro-vormen.
    17. Zo heb je niet alleen het individuele bewustzijn van een cel, maar ook van een individu, groepsbewustzijn, collectief bewustzijn...op onbewust, onderbewust, bewust nivo.
    18. Zo heb je ook op sociaal vlak de reis van clans, families, stammen, feodaliteit naar moderne maatschappijen.
    19. Zo heb je ook de ontwikkeling van het individuele bewustzijn, niet alleen via schoolse kennis opdoen, maar ook via tal van vormen van relaties, zakelijke en andere.
    20. Iedere soort relatie heeft dan weer een aantal schakeringen...die teruggaan naar vorige generaties en er voor een stuk verdere ontwikkelingen of reacties van zijn.
    21. Zonder een praktisch concreet iets, bestaat geen theoretisch iets en omgekeerd is ook waar, net zowaar als er geen materie zonder antimaterie is.
    22. De positief geladen protonen bijvoorbeeld zijn negatief geladen in de antimaterie.
    23. Alles was straling in de beginne en eindigt bij straling...maar eindigen kan niet, omdat energie onvernietigbaar is, en andere vormen aanneemt.
    24. 'Is er een energie die heel de evolutie niet heeft nodig gehad om eenzelfde of vergelijkbaar bewustzijn met het onze te hebben' ?, zou men zich kunnen afvragen.
    25. Daardoor kom je nogal vlug uit op het beperkende pad van de godsdiensten...die weigeren van de linken tussen wetenschappen en andere domeinen te zien.
    26. Wetenschap weigert dan weer van de linken met zaken zoals telepathie te zien...terecht soms, want er bestaat veel gezweef en gezever op 's mensen evolutietocht.
    27. Laten we aannemen dat al het goede dat mensen ooit deden door de levenden als straling ontvangen kan worden, indien ze zich niet emotioneel bezwaren.
    28. Materie is zwaarder dan eterie (straling) en deze laatste is één in de wisselwerking ermee.
    29. Het emotionele zware, zou men moeten ontgroeien en dan meer in rust door het leven gaan, maar de wegen van de genetica en de uitwerking ervan zijn ondoorgrondelijk.
    30. Het kan goed zijn dat mensen die op emotioneel vlak rust gevonden hebben, deze toch nog verlaten voor het dieper begrijpen van het spirituele via het emotionele.
    31. Materie en anti-materie zijn één omdat stof alleen niet kan bestaan en het spirituele ook niet zonder inhoud, zonder stoffelijke vorm kan.
    32. De kracht in citaten : http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/tag/citaten
    33. Onze lichamen stralen het al uit, alles en iedereen is beiden een beetje, zoals een man ook vrouwelijker aanvoelen en denken heeft en omgekeerd.
    34. Alles is een zoeken naar aanvulling en uitwisseling daarom, binnen de grenzen van wat mogelijk, wenselijk en dragelijk, dus mogelijk is.
    35. Een eicel bijvoorbeeld, heeft een automatisme waarbij er overwegend, van zodra er 1 zaadcel binnen is een aantal chemische e.a. reacties gebeuren om meerdere 'bezoeken' te blokeren.
    36. Omdat het fysisch en tegelijk spiritueel zo in materie en anti-materie gepland is ?
    37. De kracht van je middelpunt http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/tag/leefregels
      • philosophical resistance (PR)
    1. how to create a Collective Conscious Union movement
    2. There are a lot of ways by which one can feel that life has a lot of meanings and that those meanings have a lot of greater sense.     Not only by watching films about our blue planet or experiencing nature in real life and living the live you lead with your colleagues, friends and family or by studying science or enjoying culture but also on this internet one can try to separate sense from nonsense, as far as the meaning of life is concerned.   All those appearances have a greater plan behind them, which becomes clearer the more intensive one really longs to understand life. PR presents two main approaches in its explanation on the life and the world.
    3. a philosophical explanation on where we came from and who we are and how we evolve.
    4. in short it is an explanation on how radiation became an atom an cells and we at last, explaining the beauty and symbolism of it
    5. an economic, social and political approach about how societies evolve (our objective relationships)
    6. what can be said about our more subjective relations, evolving from instincts, emotions, feelings towards a more spiritual integration of those three categories of the soul-life ?(see 12 commandments)
    • which kind of actions can we undertake to improve the future of mankind, starting from one's own environment ? promoting a new universal international and telematics way of voting on a program and project elections instead of party elections and in the meanwhile supporting the currents on the left side of history as they try to acquire more influence in the traditional political system.
    1. practical actions, look for people who are interested in one of those domains and come together to talk about it and get other people interested

    In welk verhalen zit je momenteel ? Hierover moet je eens goed mediteren. Wie zijn al die mensen die je van nabij of verder kent

    Filosofie http://voortijdigtestament.skynetblogs.be

    1. religie is niet zo zeer 'godsdienst', maar het verbinden (relier) van wetenschappelijke, sociologische, psychologische, en alle andere culturele uitingen om de ziel aan te leren op een filosofische manier in het leven te staan en de oneindi...ge zinvolheid van al hetgeen in jezelf en anderen te ervaren is, zoveel mogelijk aan mekaar te kunnen linken in de dagdagelijkse introverte en extroverte ervaringen en zodoende het zinloze meer en meer te neutraliseren. Filosofie : shit is necessary, but keep it clean zinvolheid van al hetgeen in jezelf en anderen te ervaren is, zoveel mogelijk aan mekaar te kunnen linken in de dagdagelijkse introverte en extroverte ervaringen en zodoende het zinloze meer en meer te neutraliseren. Filosofie : shit is necessary, but keep it clean !zinvolheid van al hetgeen in jezelf en anderen te vinden is aan mekaar te linken in de dagdagelijkse introverte en extroverte ervaringen…en zodoende het zinloze meer en meer te isoleren
    2. de essentie van verhoudingen tussen mensen is te herleiden tot de structuur van een atoom, kind van straling : neutron in kern (ladingen +en- in evenwicht)-zen positie of proton (positief geladen, al of niet reacties aangaand met de buitenwereld-elektronen, negatief geladen)-niet in morele zin…in zekere zin komt deze fysische verhouding ook tot uiting in de chemische evolutie die eerst naar de cel en in een volgend stadium naar de celdeling en de seksualiteit leidde.
    3. Ook in de seksualiteit zijn er een aantal benaderingen, conform aan de structuur van het atoom zoals in punt 2 geschetst : je hebt neutron geaardheden, de niet homo++ of – (eigenlijk gemaskeerde -+tegenstellingen) , die ook niet tot hetero geladenheden te herleiden zijn
    4. Al die geladenheden kan men ook onderscheiden in de psychologische genetisch overgeërfde componenten van een individuele samenstelling, het individu is om het met een micro macro vergelijking uit te drukken, tegelijkertijd soms centrum, ster, +- als planeet+ of maan-, alnaargelang de wisselwerking in interakties
    5. Alhoewel in eenvoudige bewoordingen, gevoelens, gedachten, …eenieder veel kennis en wijsheden doorheen het dagelijkse leven zelf kan opdoen, …is het heel diep en panoramisch en overkoepelend en verbindend ervaren van de geestelijke dimensie ervan, iets dat is weggelegd voor de meerdimensionale observator
    6. Eenieder heeft een bepaalde genetische gecodeerde zielsopdracht met betrekking tot het aantrekken van anderen om de voorouderlijke verhaallijnen ergens een vervolg te geven. Een voorbeeld, het overschatten van de goede kanten van een bepaalde ziel, wat tot verliefdheid leiden kan met als doel de minder sterke kanten van één van of beide partners te versterken in een volgende generatie…omgekeerde of uit beide situaties afgeleide posities zijn ook wel mogelijk.
    7. enkele axioma’s :
    8. Mooi zo, we kunnen weer wat schrijven. We, de complexe, maar oh zo eenvoudige eenheid van geest die dit neerpent.
    9. Alles van uit het standpunt dat ook diegenen in wiens leven je verwikkeld zit, je leven voor een stuk bepalen.
    10. Daarom ook die we, van de eerste zin. We zijn een telepatisch geheel van verbanden en gevoelens en inzichten die aan kwaliteit werken.
    11. Met wat we al schreven namen we reuzestappen, ik, diegene die het opschreef, heeft altijd wat voorsprong en achterstand tegelijk.
    12. Achterstand, qua niet altijd volledig direct de zielswereld van anderen te begrijpen, voorsprong omdat, eenmaal ik die door ervaringen begrijp, ik een grote inhaalsprong maak.
    13. Voor elke nieuwe aanzet tot analyse, lijkt het als of de droomwereld van 's nachts niet genoeg is en de dag korte rustmomenten telt waar alles overwogen wordt.
    14. Een soort Passing It All -PIA (een overlopen van vroegere informatie over toestanden en axioma's met de huidige fasen en mogelijke projekties naar de toekomst toe). Voorsprong ook vooral vanwege allerlei inzichten op alle domeinen van het leven, abstrakt of concreet en de uitingen hiervan op velerlei literair en ander gebied.
    15. Zie alle linken op 'voortijdig testament skynetblogs' en vertakkingen ondermeer naar fbookplus mijn tabel 'TOOLS' hulpmiddelen van de menselijke geest.
    16. Bovendien moet je qua spiritueel-psychologische dingen in je omgeving een aantal mensen kennen die symbolisch verwant zijn aan diegenen die de schrijfer kent.
    17. Zie ook de symboliek uit het kortverhaal 'Er was dus toch leven na de dood'
    18. http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/tag/er+was+leven+na+de+dood
    19. Om het bovenstaande te begrijpen, zijn al die inzichten en bijvoorbeeld professor Carl Jung zijn symboliek van de droomwereld niet voldoende.
    20. Om een beetje te kunnen volgen moet je er van uitgaan dat materie en anti-materie één zijn en moet je de symboliek van het objectieve wetenschappelijke aanvoelen.
    21. Spoken bestaan niet, want iets zonder vorm kan niet bestaan, wat zinloos dreigt te worden, kleiner of gelijk aan nul, neemt andere vorm aan.
    22. (Zelfde principe van de big bang, waarna straling, fotonen, atomen, moleculen, planeten...cellen, xx, celdeling, organismen... wij.)Het ei was eerst, niet de kip.
    23. Al deze dingen die van het microniveau vertrokken en vertrekken (en eigenlijk vanuit uitwisseling met anti-materie) hebben ook macro-vormen.
    24. Zo heb je niet alleen het individuele bewustzijn van een cel, maar ook van een individu, groepsbewustzijn, collectief bewustzijn...op onbewust, onderbewust, bewust nivo.
    25. Zo heb je ook op sociaal vlak de reis van clans, families, stammen, feodaliteit naar moderne maatschappijen.
    26. Zo heb je ook de ontwikkeling van het individuele bewustzijn, niet alleen via schoolse kennis opdoen, maar ook via tal van vormen van relaties, zakelijke en andere.
    27. Iedere soort relatie heeft dan weer een aantal schakeringen...die teruggaan naar vorige generaties en er voor een stuk verdere ontwikkelingen of reacties van zijn.
    28. Zonder een praktisch concreet iets, bestaat geen theoretisch iets en omgekeerd is ook waar, net zowaar als er geen materie zonder antimaterie is.
    29. De positief geladen protonen bijvoorbeeld zijn negatief geladen in de antimaterie.
    30. Alles was straling in de beginne en eindigt bij straling...maar eindigen kan niet, omdat energie onvernietigbaar is, en andere vormen aanneemt.
    31. 'Is er een energie die heel de evolutie niet heeft nodig gehad om eenzelfde of vergelijkbaar bewustzijn met het onze te hebben' ?, zou men zich kunnen afvragen.
    32. Daardoor kom je nogal vlug uit op het beperkende pad van de godsdiensten...die weigeren van de linken tussen wetenschappen en andere domeinen te zien.
    33. Wetenschap weigert dan weer van de linken met zaken zoals telepathie te zien...terecht soms, want er bestaat veel gezweef en gezever op 's mensen evolutietocht.
    34. Laten we aannemen dat al het goede dat mensen ooit deden door de levenden als straling ontvangen kan worden, indien ze zich niet emotioneel bezwaren.
    35. Materie is zwaarder dan eterie (straling) en deze laatste is één in de wisselwerking ermee.
    36. Het emotionele zware, zou men moeten ontgroeien en dan meer in rust door het leven gaan, maar de wegen van de genetica en de uitwerking ervan zijn ondoorgrondelijk.
    37. Het kan goed zijn dat mensen die op emotioneel vlak rust gevonden hebben, deze toch nog verlaten voor het dieper begrijpen van het spirituele via het emotionele.
    38. Materie en anti-materie zijn één omdat stof alleen niet kan bestaan en het spirituele ook niet zonder inhoud, zonder stoffelijke vorm kan.
    39. De kracht in citaten : http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/tag/citaten
    40. Onze lichamen stralen het al uit, alles en iedereen is beiden een beetje, zoals een man ook vrouwelijker aanvoelen en denken heeft en omgekeerd.
    41. Alles is een zoeken naar aanvulling en uitwisseling daarom, binnen de grenzen van wat mogelijk, wenselijk en dragelijk, dus mogelijk is.
    42. Een eicel bijvoorbeeld, heeft een automatisme waarbij er overwegend, van zodra er 1 zaadcel binnen is een aantal chemische e.a. reacties gebeuren om meerdere 'bezoeken' te blokeren.
    43. Omdat het fysisch en tegelijk spiritueel zo in materie en anti-materie gepland is ?
    44. De kracht van je middelpunt http://dichterbijdeziel.skynetblogs.be/tag/leefregels
    45. In welk verhalen zit je momenteel ? Hierover moet je eens goed mediteren. Wie zijn al die mensen die je van nabij of verder kent. Begin misschien bij diegenen die je meer van nabij kent. In welke verhalen zitten zij en hoe sluiten deze verhalen op de jouwe aan. Doorloop de momenten dagelijks die rust of onrust brachten in jezelf en probeer uit te vissen wat je ergert en deze ergernissen te overkomen door je in te leven in wie de andere is door dingen die je samen met hen doet. Probeer ook de angels in de levens van anderen te vinden. Je zal merken dat iedere diepere vraag die je je stelt in het dagelijkse leven geleidelijk, al dan niet abrupt langs dingen en mensen in de buitenwereld om, een antwoord probeert te geven. Soms zullen de verschillende delen van je ego daar verschillend op reageren en moet je hier tijdelijk een houding van onverschillig evenwicht tegenover aannemen...totdat door de kalme, rustige overwogen daad en het duidelijke spreken alles helderder wordt en je omgeving weet dat je van uit een innerlijke rustige kracht spreekt. Of je daar in dat punt kunt blijven, hangt af van de dingen die je met mensen aangaat. Sommigen hun taak is het van mensen met een te vaak verstoorde innerlijke kalmte te begeleiden...anderen hun wezenlijke ik verandert gewoon dingen door, zelfs zonder in de gewone betekenis van met mensen om te gaan. Projecteer niet te veel in de zin van 'het zal zo moeten zijn of zo moeten worden'. Alhoewel er vele dingen vast liggen, heb je ook telkens de keuze om bepaalde richtingen uit te gaan en daarmee verbonden de paden van een aantal mensen te kruisen. Veel hangt ook af van wat er in het verleden werd aangegaan en al of niet afgesloten...en dat limiteert enigszins het heden, zeker als je niet bij je innerlijke rust geraakt, vanwaar de voor jezelf meest gunstige ontwikkelingen vertrekken. Ondanks vele kritieken die je zal tegenkomen, bevindt men zich als men vanuit kalmte denkt en voelt en handelt in een voor jouzelf sterke positie. Als men zijn eigen onvoldoende liefheeft, zijn talenten onderschat en teveel connecties van uit een verkeerd ingeschat verantwoordelijkheidsgevoel aangaat, in zware emotionele kringen blijft vastzitten, za men niet de juiste mensen aantrekken om bij je innerlijke rust te blijven...alhoewel het dan wel de juiste mensen zijn...aangezien je je op een bepaalde frequentie van zijn bevindt.
    46. innercommunication
    47. the way our mind works in a spiritual way
    48. Wish I could write this in every language and dialect ; each with it's own charm. 'Charm' is already French...we are one big family with the same roots. One morning, a million years ago, 'African Lucy in the sky with diamonds', saw the sun rising in the east and went to Asia.Then people followed the sun towards the West, and discovered Europe and America Everything is always on it' s way to expression. Nature, since the very beginning worked endlessly on a system of reproduction and finer and finer communication...not only business communication. People learn to express who they are and what they have with each other. In order to understand themselves they have to observe how their mind works.
    49. The system even works without words and has many different forms of expression. Everything is experience and expression.
    50. The most difficult or complicated experiences will have to sink to the bodem of the river of life...in order to keep on feeling strong enough to continue ones road in life. On such moments we can think positive again... on such moments we can write again for example. The muse is then bigger then the a-muse. One must always pick the best words to express something; when one writes a birth card to a new born one does not put on it : 'welcome to the world, come and collect your scars'.
    51. If we really discover the beauty in ourselve, no one ever shall go and fight wars or nobody will get emotionally hurt.

               

    1. getting closer to the mysteries of our mind…and getting enthousiastic about life again----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    2. ABT               Analysing back in time and forward
    3. If one wants to know why we can take part in bourgeois political elections or not it’s necessay to not just study the history of our country but it’s necessary to dig for the roots of history, namely the economical develepmont that always determines the groups that are in power. ( See my homepage users.skynet.be/octo unther 'history'.)
    4. On the biological field it’s also a bit like imaging how cells evoluated to organisms and furhermore untill our intellect started evoluating…your trying to remember is like your cells, trying to remember their own past. ( See my homepage unther 'philosophy'.)
    5. On the psychological field, all those things connected with our soul, can be retought of to…the more one gets experienced in life the more one can discover why your life was what it was. By doing so you can reach the beginning of what is meant with those conditions who are a greater dimmension then everything concerning the ‘soul and all his positive and negative emotions’ The ‘elements of the soul’ are based on the elements of the body and his needs and senses.   Physics and Chemics were the bricks of Biology and Psychology…did they all together produce the spiritual world or were they beiing put together by a kind of main dimmension of that spiritual world ?
    6. The answer to this question can be found in the question : ‘what is attraction’ ?
    7. Attraction has driven atoms and moleculs and minerals aswell as the light and fluids to form life as we know it…and our developing consciousness has developed the way we live. All this is one song. (See my homepage unther 'poetry' and 'media')
    8. THE FOLOWING PHENOMENS ,like ABT ARE ALL TOOLS FOR
    9. REACHING CONSCIOUSNESS ABOUT THOSE INTERDISCIPLINAR KINDS OF CREATIVITY WHO MUST HELP US TO UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT SPIRITUALITY. Good Luck. Maintaining the same level of consciousness shall prove to be not so easy, confronted with the practical challenges of every day life.
    10. But it’s only in the interaction between theory and practice that our more then just ‘psychological ‘ voices can be understood. On the top of this kind of understanding one will understand how your environment will help you succeed in doiing what you were existentially ment for. (see tool ‘existential menu’ EXM’)
    11. AFT               AFTERTHOUGHT
    12. By this is meant all the psychological kinds of REASONING we can use to respond on practical things that happen to us or our relation with everybody and everything as were the practical things about this are concerned…to put it more easy : All those things a computer can ‘reason’ about also.
    13. AFTVOI         AFTERVOICE
    14. If we manage to put of this ‘computerfunction’ in us, the higher dimmension in us starts ‘advicing’. We can put this compterfunction of by reaching a certain degree of wisdom and calm in our life… or by living as spontanueously as certain children can…or by just doiing the dishes, or doiing some kind of work you do almost automatically, or by beiing close to nature.     Exem. : when you get inspiration to write, but you can't get it on paper yet////or when you've had a 'fight in words' with someone and you want to take an emotional distance from him or her.
    15. AX                   AXIOMA
    16. In order to understand some practical experiences and to discover the laws by which they occur or happen, we can put forward some suppositions and test them to keep on ameliorating our findings and axiomas so in the end we should be able to feel the laws by which life moves… .   By doiing so we come close to the spiritual matter…but we will never fully understand everything about it…maybe because we cannot support the degrees of truth about or own life and that of others….
    17. Exemples for axioma : " Our ‘spirit’ is born when our soul stops existing" (when our emotional life here dies together with our body). « There is a kind of conversation between living souls and spiritual powers » or « there is no inter soul-spiritual contact between spiritual powers, they continue their own development in another world ».
    18. « Reincarnation is only a biological issue...we cannot return ». « Soul-matter is passed on by our genes, spiritual matter can not be passed in this dimmension ». « In order to give our spiritual development a bonus we must learn how to get a strong soul in this earthly dimmension ...this means getting independent of negative emotions».
    19. « Can we change our existential menu ? »  
    20. BIT                 BACK IN TIME
    21. Images and circumstances...of the past, still clear in ones head. This is the proof that present and past are one...to prepare the inevitable future.   The only thing that does not exist (time) is the strongest one.
    22. COINNUM           COINCIDENCE number    
    23. COINTHA                     "           thaught
    24. COINTIM                       "           time
    25. COININT                       "             intuition
    26. COINPLA                       "           place
    27. COINBOO                   ¨   "         opening book on certain page with something relevant at the moment
    28. COINCIR                         "         circumstances
    29. To be solved individually .All ‘coincidence cases’ : maybe it's just the INNER VOICE OR THOUGHT THAT’s getting confused : difficult to separate
    30. CONF             CONFUSION
    31. See former comment on COIN-cases, (also possible with other tools)
    32. COMA             CONSCIOUSNESS OF MATTER
    33. See for exem. text ‘Wo we were’ unther philosophy
    34. COMBT           COMBINING TEXT (thought, intuition...)
    35. I do not know myself anymore what I meant with this. Maybe it will come back to me in a strange way. Oh yes, for exemple one reads a text in a book which refers to a problem
    36. your facing and which you are writing also about...and an inner discussion begins (which looks a bit like the method of 'thesis, anti-theses, syntheses')
    37. DR IAW           DREAMIMAGE AWAKE
    38. Is a kind of inner-voice like information, that like an inner-voice also can be literally or symbollically meant. Sometimes what the image means can occure as a fact that explains something during the day but sometimes even a few days later or more… ? (PS I call it ‘dream’-image because even if one is awake you can have those ‘dream’-kind informations. Sometimes even just talking to people you can have those dream-kind impressions…one forgets them easily and remembers them somethimes meeting those people or things again. The real important ones you never forget.
    39. DRQ                 DREAM ON QUESTION
    40. When you really want some info or some guiding concerning decisions you have to take…you can get valuable answers…on condition you are fysically and mentally not to weak at that moment…then you get rather confused answers.
    41. DRE                   DREAM
    42. Without the need to analyse, because you considered the dream as a kind of ‘after-meal’-effekt or a quick mix of the passed day...or based on fear or other negative emotions. You forget those kinds of dreams easily and they not often come back in the day-time as images that come back again.
    43. DRSY               DREAMSYMBOLISM
    44. Very special energetic images that almost ‘touch’ ones deepest self. Once you start doubting what they ‘mean’ and start giving a second or third…explanation they seem to lose their importance or value and it is more difficult trying to remember them for a long time.
    45. DR+1+2           INTERCONN.dreams
    46. Once I dreamt I was putting tons of fallen fruit on a truck that would drive the fruit to the siropfactory. When I came back home they told me my oldest son had been working with my sister and her husband, he namely had been doiing the same work I dreamt of. I did not know before and that kind of work is not often done on the fruitfarm where my son rarely works.
    47. It was a surprise to me ,the more I was spending the night of my dream near the sea, a 150km away. Interconnected. ?
    48. DR+ -                 DREAMANALYSING
    49. DR+ is when you have no problem analysing the dream. DR- is when dreamanalysing can make you confused, you cannot enjoy dreamanalysing at that moment or in the period you are because of mainly fysical or (and) psychological reasons you are having in a period of your live
    50. (can be a moment, minutes, hour,day, week, years…)where you can not reach your inner relationship very clearly. It’s best to let pass those moments, hoping to be able to let go the ‘weight’ and negative energy in yourself by eating less or different, walking, laughing, enjoying what you do, slow down…only take decisions when you found the real you again.
    51. DIA                   DIALOGUE
    52. Some people have a very good vision-orientated memory. Alike one can have a memory for dialogues . To bad a lot of people remember the dialogues they should forget or the ones they misinterpretated. This disturbs the understanding between people…but like in the world of physics with it’s + an - laws, dialogues have already brought a lot of people to a deeper understanding of themselves and their relations. (communication.)
    53. DIA+1+2                 "             more then two
    54. The same as above ; but throwing one bal in the air and catching it, is not the same as playing with 2,3, 4… It’s a different dimmension of observing what happens.
    55. Analysing what really happened happens almost always afterwards.
    56. ED                     ENERGY DOWN
    57. You know the feeling, you felt good and very quickly it seems something fysically is missing, something the soul or the embryo of the spiritual energy in yourself needed.
    58. Somethimes this feeling dissapears by eating something with sucre(do not get adicted…), by drinking water…by goiing somewhere else in your usual places of environment where other confrontations await. One can wonder in the last place which energy is using which energy to do or think or say what (only insiders will understand...people with temporally or constant law levels can 'eat' you)
    59. EM+                 EMOTIONS   pos.
    60. There is more water in our belly then in our lungs because emotions mainly come from the belly…when we’re little,we cry when we cannot get satisfaction in our needs :food, affection…some of us learn to be more content then others.
    61. Turning the folowing negative emotions into positive ones is often a longlife task :
    62. Fear into fearlesness, Jealousness into comprehension, Egoism into sharing, to Dominating lust into balancing the male and female energy in yourself,
    63. Fanity into Humbleness, Ignorance into Knowing, understanding…, Bach Flower Remedies have beautiful descripions about this…but like in positively thinking the remedy (or in case of the Bach Flowers the fluid) not only helps alone. Positively thinking cannot do without conflicts as well as the homeopathic stuff cannot do without the action of the evoluating person.
    64. Theory goes together with practice
    65. EM-                             "             neg.
    66. Getting stuck in them prevents you from evoluating.
    67. EXM                 EXISTENTIAL MENU
    68. If you are getting to much away of what you should be doiing with your life , then negative emotions and feelings aswell as positive ones...or things that happen can be used by life to correct you.
    69. More about this very important energy later. Maybe my main exi.menu is about introducing a new kind of political system, but in order to be able to do so we’ll have to make people stronger in their pshygological, soul related life…therefore this study.
    70. Or maybe my main exi.menu shall be explaing the difference between soul and spirit or the relation between them : must we get ‘stronger’ here in order to evoluate in another dimmension more favourably, or to be able to let those after us function better...during and after our own life ?
    71. EUREKA -axioma. Thesis : idealist axioma. Antithesis : materialist axioma. Synthesis : indifferent equilibre.        
    72. The idealist axioma is based on the axioma that you keep on functioning OUTSIDE the body, related to the energy you left behind before you died. Everyone evoluates in the direction of his dead, a moment when one becomes an unbodylike energy that will become part of the further evolution of the ones you leave behind...or evoluates more or less independently according to ones merits. My materialist eureka is based on the fact that spiritual life can only exist within a biological ‘house’ and is genetically bound by means of family and further on….a statement that not necessarely means accepting the fact of interrelations between the material and spiritual world. Iisn't our earthly soul something in between the idealist and materialist vision , an embryo for the spiritual dimmension ?
    73. That's why next to the material and idealist axioma’s I also put forward the synthese : an axioma of
    74. ‘indifferent equlibre’ stating that once the biological life comes to an end we return to the consciousness of the elements that made us : minneral, water, air, light…hidden in the anti-matter of them…maybe enjoyable as well,but unconscient ?   So just by beeiing air and light an minnerals...they join the living in an indifferent way...feeding the living ones,
    75. taking biologically part in their existence...and by their indifference, maybe have an influence after all.
    76. FACL                 FACT OF LOGIC
    77. Rationality and his wife Logica is the most important tool in this material world.
    78. FAO                   FUNCTIONING AS ONE - AS A WHOLE
    79. When you are in a period when you can really use the EXI..MENU tool, you will notice that everything you need is been given to you , in order to be able to do it…in the slightest detail you then can observe this in what’s happening. After such a period (exemple writing, …)you do not stop evoluating and sometimes you will need new experiences- not necessarily on your main exi.menu.-experiences that will be more difficult to you, but with faith the exi.Menu -line and moments will come back again. Using the word FAITH, I realise that I forgot another strong tool and energyform to put in this list.FAITH
    80. FEE+                 FEELINGS pos.
    81. Are the result of the battle between + and - emotions : beiing happy, sympathic, glad, liking someone, loving someone (and all the opposite possibilities)
    82. FEE-                             "         neg.
    83. FFIM                 FORWARDED FUTURE IMAGES
    84. Sometimes mostly in the morning you get a picture (a kind of dream-image) that does not seem to relate with something or someone…but at the same time you know through your inner-voice(a kind of stronger dimmension than your intuitivity) that object or person will occur to you that day. A very strong exemple you find page 93(the statue)
    85. FFIM have as a characteristic that they are related with following your roots, your EXI.MENU. These kind of clear exemples not often show temselves. Trying to separate thought from innervoice in doiing this
    86. FIVPOT             FIRST IMPRESSION VIEWPOINT THEORY
    87. One can put the folowing axioma hereby « The fivpot is connected with the existential menu »also. Ones first impression of someone is very important...a lot of things can happen in between and viewpoints can evoluate...but in the end you understand the role of someone in your life. Sometimes you start doubting the meaning of your first impression. If it's a negative impression it maybe wasn't that persons own fault ? Some first impressions even are accompanied a picture with some symbolism which takes many years or a lifetime to understand.   If you become very good in this item, one day you can help judge others, once you become a spirit with a lot of earthly merits.
    88. FOFE                 FORFEELING (kind of inner voice)
    89. You know for sure something nice or not is gooing to happen…usally something that will make a big change in the lives of others and eventually or logically, your own life…
    90. Or it can just be something funny that will happen. That’s a good description, it’s like something funny just happened.
    91. FOFEI               FORFEELING IMAGE(same as fofe, by means of image)
    92. FOFET               FORFEELING THOUGHT
    93. FTG                   FEELING TO GOOD (related with EXM) On such moments you are tempted to do some free-wil action to help someone... . Afterwards it sometimes seemed not be be your own decision alone.
    94. FORO                 FOLOWING OWN ROOTS(related EXM)
    95. In times when rational decission making is needed. In moments when you make decission : if you not orientate on your own strength and if you are to compassionate with the ones who should rely on their own strength to be happy...you often take the wrong decisions.
    96. ..             FORGOTTEN...Inner Voice, Image,                             Intuition, Thaught, Words, Instinkt,                                                                                       Happening, Dream, Timing, Handwriting(change)what is needed comes back : (should be a very interesting axioma to examine in relation with spirit).
    97. FWAH                 Free -will actions help
    98. One cannot push others to do something if there is no inner change within them                  
    99. HART : one cannot do something one dislikes when it comes from the hart(+ -)
    100. HUMOR maybe the lightest material, the closest to the spiritual dimmension, maybe not                                                  
    101. FORW                 FORWARDING(reason fantasises with situations, plans…)can the inner voice fantazise also with future ?
    102. G                         GENETICAL HERITAGE
    103. The practical automatisms that make biological life possible, biological material itself.
    104. We not only suffer for reasons that we provoked ourselves, but also whe are have to deal with our genetical heritage. Exem. you can get cancer because of what happened before you were born, because of malfunctionment, or by environmental reasons, or by weakening yourselfs in many ways maybe also.
    105. GC                       GENETICAL CONSCIOUSNESS
    106. The politics, the consciousness that makes the G move. The spirit behind the G-matter.
    107. GW                     GETTING W. (or WO)   insiders(relat.exm ?)
    108. HA                       HAPPENING
    109. Occuring facts ; often on the wright moment (or is every moment wright taking into account that everything and everyone finds itself on a certain point of his or hers or it’s evolution ?)
    110. HASY                   HAPPENING AND SYMBOLISM
    111. Often it seems that spiritual or pshygological(soul-related) powers hide behind, or are the force behind what happens…as if they want to express something
    112. HEA                     HEALTH
    113. The relation between spirit and soul is often very efident, as far as viruses (or fractures…)are not concerned (not in all cases)
    114. HESPMA              HERITAGE OF SPIRITUAL MATTER
    115. Is this the deserved communication from spiritual world ? If there is communication and there is, because everything is one world then maybe just asking strength generates the energy necessary for seeiing new possibilities to solve something… or just feel good.
    116. HI                           HIDDEN INFO
    117. The info you should be getting from the outside-world or the one you hide away from in yourself
    118. K                           KNOWLEDGE
    119. Everything concerning physics, chemics, biology, pshygology,economics, politics, sociology, spirituality
    120. KTO KLICKING TO OLD(descending evolutionary ladder)
    121. when one should abandon old points of view, or transform them into new
    122. LA                          LUNATIC AXIOMA's
    123. LAT                         LIVING APART TOGETHER
    124. LGW                       LETTING GO WEIGHT
    125. By means of humor, funny observations, getting fysical (working in garden…)making love, swimming, showering, those good toilet-visits…
    126. LIAP                        LETTING IT ALL PASS
    127. Very special intuitiv way of analysing things, events, feelings, evolutions…best in nature, because nature pulls your energy up again…maybe this is the border with the spiritual world...to be compared with inner peace, but goes together with images, explanations...(related to ABT-analysing back in time, but this is much more with thought)
    128. LT                           LIVING TOGETHER
    129. LOMEM                 LOVEMAKING (emotional)
    130. LOM FY                                "           (mechanical)
    131. LOM PRE                               "             (prescence)
    132. LOMFA                                   "             (fantasy)
    133. 112
    134. LOMINS                                 "             (instinktivly)
    135. LOM-                                        "             (wasted)
    136. See my many texts (essays and litterature on this tool, used for people to grow, but they not always realise it on their way of discovering the real meaning of earthly and heavenly love. They often get stuck in combats.
    137. LS                             LONETIC SYNDROME
    138. Crash of almost every tool. Patiently wait till it’s over. Often best is doiing nothing to remain calm. Wondering from where this LS comes will not help you. Accept and let it pass, your faith will get you further through the mist. Maybe thinking of snow on a high mountain or the air seen from a plane can help you. Discover yourself.
    139. LW                             LOVE WRITINGS
    140. IHA                             interaction in what happens
    141. For insiders, because danger of confusion and in worser case : lonetic syndrome
    142. IT                               INTERTHOUGHT
    143. During a discussion some people thinking not by coincidence the same thing.
    144. IM                             IMAGE
    145. IMSY                        IMAGE SYMBOLISM
    146. INT                             INTUITION(intuition is not inner voice,intuition is highest dimmension of soul near the spiritual border)when there is no negative emotion or feeling involved, intuition is not of a negative kind…only an opinion to guide you, or something to make you light, just like humor does
    147. INTSYM                     INTUITION SYMBOLISM
    148. IP                             INTERPRETATION
    149. somethimes at the same moment, somethimes few minutes, hours later or next morning, sometimes days, months years later your views can change when you get new meanings about the symbolism of some events or persons.
    150. IV+                             INNER VOICE,higher energy then intuition (from over the border of classical matter, anti-matter ?)
    151. When there is no negative intuition involved, inner voices are never negative (+ an - is not used in a moral way in these explanations , but as energy-related conditions and force of circumstances. The degrees of Innervoice follow the same scheme as I explained in EUREKA (the stronger, the more independent from classical matter)
    152. IV-                                       "
    153. IVeq                             inner voice : indifferent equalism
    154. Is the main condition for beiing able to start having a spiritual vision      
    155. N                                 observing nature
    156. NES                             NEVER EXPRESSED SENTENCES
    157. Arise mostly in interesting psychological conflikt-situations. Learn to listen and put yourself above negative emotions.
    158. NI                                 Novel Idea
    159. P                                   PRACTICAL(exem.garage visit)
    160. PIA                               Producing Intuitive Analyses(consi.it al.
    161. See letting it all pass(liap) , but more spiritual analyses then intuitive ones…or are these kind of analyses only possible when you are completely a spirit ?
    162. PH                                 PHOTOIMPRESSION
    163. First impressions you get from seeiing a picture
    164. PO                                 POLARITY
    165. Like the weather moods change according to laws , events also can
    166. PSOEC                         political, social, econo.facts
    167. PR                                 special ways of 'p(r)aying
    168. By using all tools correctly, spontaneously, when you feel good. It’s our task to feel good
    169. QUO                             QUOTES (own)
    170. QU                                         "         (from others)
    171. QUE +                           questions asked at other beiings                        
    172. QUE -                           inner questions
    173. QUE+-                           questions asked at higher level
    174. R                                     relations
    175. RCOP                             recognising possibilities              
    176. SESY                               SENTENCE (symbolism)
    177. SR                                     sense of reality
    178. SFoA                               STARTING FROM o analysing
    179. SI                                     SECRET INFO
    180. What is to soon for somebody to know…because of unmaturity, or beiing able to bear
    181. SJA                                   SJAMANISM
    182. EBA                           EARTHLY BOUND ACTIVITY ( when to much use of intelect...do something with your hands)
    183. TRAMAT               transaction living matter
    184. Insiders (see texts 'doodongewoon', 'bijzondere energiën,... colors, special energies of exclusive kind)
    185. TSR                             Time and Space Relativity
    186. Relativity, synchronism (exemple : computerschemes)                                                                                                                                  
    187. TTEST                             TELEPATHY TEST(exem.being looked at)
    188. Mainly fys., stronger between differ.+-
    189. THEOR                               theory (confront cfr with word theus)
    190. UT                                   USE OF TIME
    191. WOEN                             WORDENERGY sounds also(exbyLM)
    192. WOSY                             WORDSYMBOLISM
    193. Collective consciousness
    194. Individual Conciousnes    
    195. ddd

    Digilichtjes

     

    Brandend hele dag

    In bijna alle huiskamers

    ’t Bestaan in ’t geel tot blauw even herdacht

    Ons herinnerend dat iets iemand houdt de wacht

     

     

    De nacht ligt voor me uit, de dag licht voor me uit

    Hee wat nu weer in’t verschiet.

    Een uurtje helder wakker hindert me te vroeg niet.

    Duurt het té lang en wordt het wat vervelend

    Vraag ik me af : wat houdt me wakker ?

    Wat wie houdt me uit mijn slaap ?

    Deze woorden, wachtend op geboorte .

    Verlangend om te worden gelezen ?

    Zodat ze wortel kunnen schieten.

    In ’t verlangen van lezers.

    In de nood om meer te voelen en begrijpen.

    Over dit leven

     

     

     

    En verder wat nog meer waar ik niet meer bezig wil mee zijn

    Als dat dan al zou kunnen.

    Blijven opdrachten niet eeuwig bestaan en herboren worden ?

    Ook al verdwijnen personages op de ene of andere manier uit je leven.

    Telepatisch gaan de verhalen gewoon door waarschijnlijk.

     

    De pa, 83 geworden, is al ‘weg’.

    Weinig blijken van zijn verbondeheid met mij gegeven zijn laatste maanden.   Na toch een voor mij verdienstelijk leven, waarbij ik hem over mijn grenzen als jongen en jongeman hielp, verduisterd ook dat leven, door het verzet tegen de oorlog en het zakenleven nadien, omdat je niet failliet mag gaan, maar als bedrijf altijd groeien moet…en dat ook deed, maar ik nam het niet over.       Had andere talenten, het zat ook in hem, maar het kwam er niet uit.                                           Raar, een Zweed met net dezelfde niet Zweedse naam als hij, had bibliotheken, boekhandels over dezelfde dingen waar ik ook bezig zou mee zijn, mee ben. Dikwijls is Afrika onder de vorm van andere mensen op mijn weg gekomen, hij wou er aanvankelijk naar toe, koloniale school gevolgd, maar dank zij de ma van 92 nu ging hij uiteindelijk niet en bleef het klimaat en de geschiedenis van Congo mij bespaard.

    Zoon 3, leidt een wit-zwart bestaan, mij niet kunnen uitstaan om zoveel onwaarheid hem verteld en om de genen van de geschiedenis die langs de liefde uitwerken tot alle romaniek en draagkracht er van bezwijkt. Slachtoffer ook van de platte film –en drugcultuur, te macho en te ego om echt een vrouw lief te hebben…uit de ouderlijke woning willen verhuizen en toch altijd maar dat gevoel van tekort te zijn gedaan, vijftien jaar geen huur hebben moeten betalen, juist onkosten, als je ’t op voorhand wist dat je dromen letterlijk in mekaar zouden worden geslagen, zou je het niet meer doen ! Veel van zijn daden, achterdocht en stomme wraak op waanbeelden.

    Van waar komt die pijn van de 2 vorige venten ? Familie , dat wel, maar zoveel afstand houden, toenadering afhouden. Weet je, voor mij, hoeft het niet meer. Ik reis verder. Achterlatend eenieder met wie ik vergeefs

    Zo lang geduld heb gehad in ’t begrijpen van hun pijn. En de liefde van de mens wordt in heel dit verband gewoon misbruikt om hun lijden wat te verzachten en hun verder te helpen in hun eenzame nachten, hopelijk door hun geërger nooit mee, zo min mogelijk te vroeg wakker worden…of is dit alles al van de baan en spelen er nog andere dingen mee…en nee, laat ik het niet over oorlog en armoede meer hebben…al duizenden bladzijden over geschreven over hoe en het waarom en hoe uit die banen te raken.

    Ach ja, de Liefde, Even samenvatten

    Met Trompeke Verbist in ’ t kleuterkolenhok van de nonnen, haar speelse kusjes, onbezonnen. Jaren later, d’inhuldiging van de nieuwe pastoor…de majorette van de biljarttafel was één oor. Haar zus gaf door dat er een fuif was, een t Dansant van de fanfare. Eerste tongzoenen, waarvan ik later op de dag mijn demente grootmoeder vertelde, haar man was mede aan dementie al gegaan, beiden zich te veel moeten versteken in den tweede wereldoorlog, die nu nog niet is vergaan. In dien tijd nog met een Amerikaanse protestzangeres gebabbeld, was ze maar presidente geworden die vrouw, al van in den tijd van Vietnam in de jaren zestig, werd mijn leven, mijn lever verziekt door de gevolgen van de oude oorlogen, niet alleen tussen die de Staten, maar ook tussen die van mensen over generaties heen.   Mijn vader zaliger stelde toen begin zeventiger jaren twintigste eeuw al voor dat ik naar een gastgezin in de States zou gaan, via een uitwisselingsprogramma van de Boerenbond die door steeds groter leningen, minder boeren aan zich bond. Ik moest dan wel een jaar langer studeren en dan een jaar ‘troep’ er boven op, vond ik toen wel wat veel van het goeie. Ik had een lief die midden het paarden fokken en africhten was opgegroeid en het bleef enigszins platonisch: later ontmoette ik de moeder van mijn kinderen, op een bepaald moment wou ze het afmaken, maar ik repareerde de relatie…of dat al zo moet zijn en of je niet almeteen zo’n dingen in ’t leven moet accepteren, ik laat het over aan uwer inzichten in het leven. Doorgaan dus, de weg van d elessen op, en die leek te stoppen nadat de derde reeds twaalf jaar was, ik wee tniet waarom; ik was de sigaark na de sociologie en de politiek, de psychologie studeren maar; wie weet; wat was die zogezegde liefde mij aan ’t leren. Ik liet ze dan maar na de pogingen het gezin bijeen te houden, dan maar gaan; allée ze bleef met hem bij de kinderen, dat duurde zo een jaar of drie; we leefden zelfs een tijd onder hetzelfde dak samen, dat duurde zo een jaar of drie. We leefden zelfs in één huis samen en na een week of twee, was’ t precies mijn zuster…al was dat dan ook de verdienste van ‘ Houthempje’; een door noodzaak opgedoken nieuwe vlam. Ik dacht ‘woman, here I come, het hek is van de dam’ !; maar leerde dat iedere man en vrouw te ontdekken of herontdekken heeft, wat andere generaties nog niet snapten of al vroeger wisten, kwestie van welke combinaties en waarom de liefde die met hen was aangegaan. Houthempje was te economisch ingesteld, het matchte zo niet, ik liet haar vrij want haar papa de metser zijn huis voor haar, moest nog met kleinkindjes worden gevuld en dan den deze; al vond ze het geen obstakel; had klemmetjes op het zaadtransport gezet…voor een man was ’t één dag kliniek, voor een vrouw een week…maar denk je nu echt dat de moeder van m’n kinderen zelfs dat aprecieeerde, nee, nog altijd het gevecht met de overbronstige vader,, dingen weer van voor mijn tijd met een ‘mogelijke geliefde’ dingen dat m”n ook via mij onder allerlei vormen mijn leven lang probeerde rechtzetten. In de ogen van getrauatiseerde kinderen blijft een man altijd ‘de slechte’ dan. Variaties hierop zijn er ook bij de vleet, ik leerde ze allen kennen. http://achjadeliefde.skynetblogs.be . Zo viel de moeder van m’n kinderen dan voor de man met ook zijn eigen verhaal. Ik had het voorspeld, dat blijft ook niet altijd lopen; zoals de ouden het altijd voor ons hadden moeten ondergaan. Ondertussen, een tijd later, raakte ik in een driehoek, een andere; een driehoek die al driehoek was, voor dat ik haar kende. Ze was al heel haar leven op zoek naar een dichter, een filosoof, minder naar een huisje tuintje doener, en ik kon haar toch zo goed uitleggen wat de new age goeroes van toen via de boeken die ze me gaf, niet konden. Het werd een artistiek-fysiek en noem maar op, hele vruchtbare verhouding; kiezn hoefde niet, de man tolereerd en leerde zijn grenzen naar het op welke manier naar een andere vrouw te zoeken, eindelijjk te verleggen. De moeder bleef bij de kinderen, misschien te lang, want het aandurven van een andere, meer spirittuele weg was wellicht gunstiger geweest voor onze relatie. Weer was er een stuk ontevredenheid met haar vader dat nog moest worden weggewerkt, ditmaal geen verboden biologische dingen, maar een soort verondersteld niet ‘goed genoeg zijn’ van de vader naar zijn kinderen toe, en weer , zoals in min eigen leven; een relatie die door één van de twee verbroken werd en toch weer gelijmd; lijkt me nu, zo in de herfst van mijn leven toch geen goed idee te zijn en ik blijf bewijzen hiervan tegenkomen. Ik hield honderden gedichten die ze schreef voor haar bij, was haar te extreem trouw bij wijlen; soms ook niet en toch wil ze haar talenten nog steeds niet met de wereld delen. De zorgende mioeder, te lang gebleven. Of de getormenteerde; door sommige van haar weinig negaieve emoties die overal de controle wilde over houden; in plaats van anderne hun eigen wagen te laten besturen. Er weze nog bij verteld dat ook de generatie voor haar het afmaakte en weer aanmaakte, wederom geen garantie voor gelukkkig nazaad indien dat nazaad de teugels zelf niet in eigen handen neemt. Geluk heb je, maar misschien ook niet, indien je zelf nadien samen nog een goed platonische vriendenrelatie kunt hebben. Zelfs kunt reizen , een maand zonder fysieke binding, maar des te meer met dagen van de hele dag licht en romans van ’t Noorden in ’ t Nederlands vertaald. Hoeveel wezens tussendoor die reis, je pad dan ook trotseerden en wat je ook over alle mogelijke dingen die een vrouw niet wil dat haar overkomen hebt geleerd, ik respecteer de 24 of zo jaren en personen na de scheiding van de moeder van m’n kinderen en besef dat alles loopt zoals he tvoor een stuk via de voorgeschiedenis van eenieder was gepland, he tlijkt wel een teamwerk door vele mensen af te werken, he tleven, dan een romantisch iets met zijn twee; maar als het dat is of kan zijn of kan worden; des te beter. De ene was een praktisch iemad, de andere meer een dichteres, een sociaaal iemand, een iemand begaan met psychische noden van mense , een travelster, een boekhoudkundige met een diepere ziel, of noem maar op… mensen komen mekar om welbepaalde redenen tegen. Soms zaten zelfs de grootouders in ’t verzet in een oorlog, maar niet bij ’t zelfde verzet, soms is een deel van iemand niet verenigbaar met een ander overheersend deel van iemand anders… en zo voort, raak er maar aan uit. Eenzame maanden, zelfs jaren , wissleen mekaar af met perioden dat je echt niet weet wie van de twee of drie te kiezen. Soms zijn mensen tussenpersonen naar anderen; hebben ze te veel balast o voor jou de juiste te kunnen zijn. In iedere kultuuruiting leerde ik al mensen kennen die een eind van mijn pad met mij gingen… en nu ben ik beland bij wat beelden met woorden en omgekeerd kunnen doen, maar ook met zoveel meer, al geuit in menig erotisch gedicht bijvoorbeeld.   En weer een overheerlijk Scandinavië: maar niet meer alleen of platonisch dit keer.